Fred Herriot Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in December 1993 **** **** **** INTRODUCTION or NO, THIS IS NOT A PARODY When I began work on the first version of this introduction I decided I would discuss my attraction to the Dirty Pair. I've come to the conclusion that my initial attraction to Kei and Yuri was probably the same as most people - the lead characters, two independently-minded women dressed in bikinis and high-heeled boots, stirred basic impulses in the macho-male system. Later on, I realized other aspects of Takachiho's creation appealed to me: the heavy action and adventure, the setting (quite similar to Gene Roddenberry's vision of the future depicted in "Star Trek"), and finally, the fact that the heroines of this story were not picture-perfect - they made lots and lots of mistakes! I hope the mood I set in "The Trans-Galactic Case" is similar to that seen in the Bandai/Sunrise television series, the OVAs and "Project Eden." No offense to the Studio Proteus crew, but the comics they produced were too upbeat in comparison with the Japanese works. For those of you expecting a funny work of fiction, well, as I once told Alec Orrock of Summer Side: I couldn't do a good parody if my life depended on it! With that understood, I hope, if you are a fan of the Lovely Angels, "The Trans-Galactic Case" is entertaining for you to read as it was enjoyable for me to write. For those of you who are anime fans but have not been exposed to Kei and Yuri, I've designed this work to act as a comprehensive introduction to them. This work draws (as best as possible to date) from all the Japanese-produced works (i.e. Takachiho's original novel, the television series, the OVAs and "Project Eden") as well as the Studio Proteus comics. Please note that some stuff in this work (i.e. Kei and Yuri's family name and relations) are of my own creation, and should not be accepted as established fact. Cheers and enjoy! Fred **** **** **** HISTORIAN'S NOTE: This fanzine is set after the events depicted in "Dirty Pair III: A Plague of Angels." The historical order of events accepted in this fanzine and future works are as follows: "The Great Adventures of Dirty Pair" and sequels (Takachiho's original novels) "Dirty Pair" television series "Affair of Nolandia" (first OVA) "Biohazards" (first Studio Proteus mini-series) "Project Eden" ("Dirty Pair" movie) "Dirty Pair" OVAs #1 - 10 "Dangerous Acquaintances" (second Studio Proteus mini- series) "Flight DCL 005 Conspiracy" (latest OVA) "A Plague of Angels" (third Studio Proteus mini-series) Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER ONE - CALL FROM THE PAST "Kei, I'm home," Yuri called out. The Yocha-born half of the Lovely Angels strolled into their apartment on Shimogu. The group, infamously known as the Dirty Pair, had returned to Shimogu three weeks before. Prior to this, they had lived on the Kalevela, an O'Neil class centrifugal space station in the L'Hain system. They were exiled from Kalevela after helping the local security with a smuggling case. Unfortunately, like most of the Angels' cases, something went wrong - a gravity bomb went off. As a result, Kuan Yin Defence Technologies, the owners of Kalevela, banished the Angels off their stations. Yuri was depressed by the banishment - they had a very nice apartment on Kalevela. Thus, while the 3WA was busy with lawsuit proceedings against Kuan Yin, Kei and Yuri had returned to their old quarters on Shimogu. The apartment was empty, save for Mughi. Looking up, the large bear-cat made a questioning growl. Yuri glanced into Kei's room to see if her partner was out, then back to Mughi "Where is she?" Mughi shrugged his furry shoulders, then went back to sleep. Yuri sighed, suspecting Kei was out shopping. Sitting herself down on the couch, she picked up the pile of gossip magazines on the coffee table. Leafing through them, she picked out "High Sense," a popular weekly newsmagazine. Kei and Yuri's new friend, Cory Emerson, whom they met on Kalevela, was a reporter with "High Sense." Picking through the articles, Yuri couldn't find anything Cory had done. She remembered Cory was employed as a "ghost writer" for some of the larger by-lines. Before Yuri could take another glance through, the doorbell chimed. "Who could that be?" Yuri wondered aloud as she walked to the door. Opening it, she said "Yes?" before stopping. And staring. "Could this be the house of Katharine Stuart, miss?" the gentleman on the other side asked. The accent was a strong Scottish brogue, a type Yuri first heard from Field Marshall Connolly, the cyber-mech head of Kalevela's security force. The gentleman himself was dressed in traditional Scots banquet uniform - tuxedo jacket, white shirt and tie, and kilt. Yuri had never encountered someone dressed in this manner, explaining her surprise. "I'm sorry, there's no Katharine Stuart at this address." "Oh...pardon me, miss," the gentleman shook his head. "I'm Katharine," came a new voice from down the hall. Yuri looked over to see her partner standing ten feet away. Both hands were holding bags from various fashion outlets at the nearby mall. Yuri looked between Kei and the gentleman in complete confusion. She knew, when they first met back in university, that Kei's family name was Niogama. "Ah!" the gentleman reached into his tuxedo to pull out an envelope. "For ye, Miss Katharine." Kei walked up, put down one of the bags, then took the envelope in hand. On the envelope was written MISS KATHARINE STUART, APARTMENT 234, HQ WWWA SHIMOGU. Yuri looked to her partner for an explanation, but Kei's attention was to the man standing with them "Who's this from?" "I'm not sure, miss," the gentleman shrugged. "I was instructed to give it to ye, and that's it." Kei nodded "Thanks." The gentleman nodded in return and walked away. Yuri backed into the apartment as Kei passed her bags through the doorway. "Kei, what the hell's this all about?" Kei ignored her partner as the last of the bags came through. Closing the door, she opened the letter and began reading. "Kei?" Yuri repeated. Finally getting to the bottom, Kei looked up "It's from my mother." "Your mom?" Yuri asked. "Kei, your family name is Niogama, not Stuart." "My mom's family," Kei sighed, sitting down on the couch. Yuri nodded, starting to understand why the messenger had addressed Kei as "Stuart." Neither of the Lovely Angels made use of their family names in day-to-day business with the 3WA. "So what's the message?" "I'm to go to Nova Albion as soon as possible." "Why?" "She didn't say," Kei shook her head. "Can you turn it down?" "No." "Oh, come on, Kei!" "Yuri, for Pete's sake, its my family!!" Kei snapped angrily. Realizing she was about to lose her temper, she took several deep breaths and carried on. "The Stuarts are very traditional. If I don't go, they'll declare me an outcast and I'll never see my mother again." "Except if you go back to Niogi to see your dad," Yuri shrugged. Kei shook her head again. "My dad's family is just as bad. If they found out that I didn't go to see my mom's family, my dad's'll banish me as well." "That's bullshit!" Yuri snapped. "Besides, chances are the 3WA'll have a mission for us soon. Goulet'll freak if we trip on him!" Kei moaned, laying her head on the couch. Yuri sat down on the coffee table "You're not looking forward to this, are you?" "Nope!" she shook her head. "I mean I love my mother very much, but her relatives are so....so...I mean, totally out of sync with reality!" "How?" "Well, you saw that guy. Everyone wears those darn kilts no matter where they go! The Stuarts live their lives as our ancestors did back on Earth! They play those bagpipes every chance they get..." "Bagpipes?" Yuri asked. "You'll find out," Kei said. "...and, like there's nothing to do on Nova Albion! Hell, they even arrange marriages there!" "Get real!" Yuri gasped. Then nodding understandingly, "I see your point." Kei moaned again, rubbing her skull. Yuri stood up, and reached for her coat. "Where are you going?" Kei asked. "To see Goulet," Yuri sighed. "Oh, wonderful!" Kei stood up. "After getting the shit from the Kalevela, he'll be *so* pleased to see us." * * * "I can't let you go." 3WA Criminal Investigation Division Chief Administrator Albert F. Goulet shook his head. Kei and Yuri had caught him in his office. Goulet was in his mid-forties, and had to deal with the Lovely Angels on an on-and-off basis over the past three years. Like most people, he had been, at first, wary of the "Dirty Pair" reputation. However, seeing them work on a dozen occasions, Goulet's opinion changed from distrust to a wary respect. The DCA knew the girls gave each case their best time and time again - thus, all the mishaps that occurred on the majority of the Angels' missions seldom bothered him. "I have to go," Kei sighed. "Look, Chief, my family wouldn't go to the trouble of sending a messenger unless it was important!" "So important they don't bother to tell you what the problem is?" Goulet sighed. "We have some vacation time accumulated," Yuri noted. "It's not that," the DCA shook his head again. "Look, if I could spare you, I would." "A case?" Kei asked. Goulet nodded, then passed Kei and Yuri some datapads. Kei turned hers on, and read the details. Looking up, she asked "Couldn't another team take this?" "This seems simple," Yuri shrugged. "A team fresh from the Academy could handle this." "We ran it through Cencomp," Goulet sighed, referring to the UG/3WA Central Computer, the agency that decided which trouble consultant team would get which mission. "You were chosen." "But..." Kei stammered. "You'll contact your parents," Goulet interrupted, "and explain to them you're tasked for a mission. Both Nova Albion and Niogi understand a 3WA trouble consultant, once tasked to a mission, cannot and does not have time for personal matters!" "And if they can't accept it?" Yuri asked. "It's their problem," Goulet said. "...and Kei won't be able to see her family again," Yuri added. "I doubt they'll go that far." "You don't know them," Kei shook her head. Before the DCA could respond, the vidphone signalled. Picking it up, he said "CIDCA, Goulet." A second later, he stood "Yes, sir." A glance to Kei. "They're right here, sir." Ten more seconds. "But sir, they're tasked." Another two. "I...yes, I understand, sir. Good day." "What was that?" Kei asked. "The Brigadier," Goulet sighed. "It's your lucky day, Kei. He received an official request from the Clan Matriarch of the Stuart family." "Who...?" Yuri asked. "My grand-aunt," Kei said. "And?" "You've been granted two weeks leave on the Brigadier's orders," Goulet explained. "That was the amount of time requested by her." "Wow!" Yuri sighed. "She must be pretty influential!" "She is," Kei shook her head. "My grand-aunt's the most powerful person on Nova Albion. Even the planetary president listens to her." "Well, anyhow, you've got the leave," Goulet nodded. Looking at Yuri, he added "You got time off, too." "Great," Yuri smiled. "I'm going with Kei." "Huh?!" Kei looked over. "This is a family thing." "And I'll be stuck here with nothing to do," Yuri smiled as she walked out of Goulet's office. Kei followed as Yuri carried on "Besides, I've always wanted to meet your parents. I was surprised they never came to see you when we graduated from university or the Academy." "I know," Kei sighed. "Dad and Mom wanted me to settle down and get married, like a good little girl. University was pushing it a bit." "And when the 3WA asked us to join?" "They flipped. You should've heard Dad when he found out," Kei led Yuri out of the administration building. Their car was waiting on the driveway. "He said 'the WWWA is no place for a woman - never has been and never will be.'" "And your mom?" Yuri hopped into the driver's seat. "She was against it at first, but I suppose she came to accept it," Kei slid into the passenger's seat and slouched back. "But not all the way?" "Nope." The car levitated from the ground as Yuri gave it the gas. The Angels were notorious ground vehicle drivers, so people had cleared a wide path as they came out of the building. Slipping into traffic, Yuri cut a course towards their apartment complex. "You don't have to come along if you don't want to," Kei sighed. "I want to," Yuri smiled. "Besides, you look like a person who needs some support when you confront your family." "Thanks," Kei smiled, offering her hand. "Friends?" "Forever," Yuri grasped the hand and gave it a firm squeeze. * * * Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER TWO - THE FAMILY REUNION "Nova Albion Traffic Control to approaching ship. Come in please." The "Lovely Angel," the team's 80-metre Wasp class vertical lander, had warped out of hyperspace at the edge of the S'hain system. Nova Albion, the only inhabitable planet, sat fourth from the sun. The planet was roughly the same size as Earth, with a 70-30 split between water and land. Most of Nova Albion's landmass was over four fair-sized continents. All four of these continents were criss-crossed with large mountain ranges - virtually the same as Scotland on Earth. It was this reason that, fifty years before, the Stuart clan decided to settle here. The traffic control centre was located on Aberdeen, the large continent on the equator. "Nova Albion Traffic, this is the 'Lovely Angel,'" Kei responded. "Go ahead." "'Lovely Angel?!?!'" the traffic controller asked, faint recognition coming across. "Registration and homeport, please." The video link came up, revealing a middle-aged man dressed in workman's coveralls and the planetary crest - essentially the Stuart clan crest - emblazoned on his left side. Kei sighed, then said "Callsign is Amor. Registration number is 3WA23416R. Homeport is the headquarters 3WA on Shimogu." "Aye," the man nodded, then typed out the information on his deskpad. A second later, a *ding* was heard. The traffic controller recoiled in horror at the information on his screen. "Begorrah!!! Yuir the Dirtee Paer!!!" "Oh, jeez, give us a break!!" Kei growled under her breath. The screen went fuzzy for a second. Thinking the transmission cut, Kei called out, "Nova Albion, this is 'Lovely Angel.' We've lost visual! Can you read us?" The static on the screen became less as a woman's voice burst on the speaker. "...and yu'll not be addressin' them by that infernal nickname, y'understand?!" "Mom?!" Kei called out. "Kay?" the screen cleared. Mrs. Elizabeth Stuart-Niogami was an elder version of Kei. The only difference between mother and daughter is that Elizabeth's eyes were a sea-blue shade, while Kei's eyes were chocolate. Yuri figured Kei inherited her eyes from her father. Kei laughed "Hi, Mom." Elizabeth's featured had been contoured in anger while she was admonishing the traffic controller for intoning the Angels' hated nickname. They softened now as recognition dawned on her face. "Oh, dear, ye...!!" Tears began to flow down Kei's cheeks. Elizabeth's attention focused on Yuri. "Are ye...?!" "Yuri Yochimitsu," she bowed her head in respect. "A pleasure to meet you, ma'am." "My! Yuir as beautiful as Kay described ye," Elizabeth sighed. Then, she looked between the two Angels, and recoiled in shock. "Good Lord, what type of beastie is that?!?!" Mughi let out a friendly growl as Kei explained "Our pet, Mom." Turning back, she said, "Say hi, Mughi." The big cat pulled back his lips in an imitation of a smile, letting out a pleasant purr. Although the greeting was intended as friendly, the sight of Mughi's inch-long teeth was intimidating. "Ah...er...that's nice, dear," Elizabeth nodded, sweat forming on her forehead. "Mom, what's going on?!" Kei asked. "Your letter said nothing..." "It's yuir grandfather, Kay." "Wha...?!" "He's dying." * * * Having obtained landing clearance, the "Lovely Angel" put down at the New Aberdeen Spaceport. Docking the ship inside one of the large hangars, Kei and Yuri shut things down and disembarked. Yuri noticed immediately her partner was nervous - Kei walked with a very hesitant step. Looking about, Kei asked "Where is everyone?" The answer came immediately. "KAY!!!!" The Angels spun about to see two young women - about Kei's age - sprinting towards them. Both were clearly close relatives - they had the trademark red hair and blue eyes that Yuri saw in her partner's mother. They were dressed in button- down shirts and kilts, which, Yuri assumed, was relaxed dress on Nova Albion. "Jennifer?!" Kei gasped. The larger of the two girls ran up and embraced Kei in a heartfelt hug. Kei laughed out loud as full recognition dawned, and fiercely returned the embrace. "It is you!!!" Kei screamed. "I thought you didn't recognize me!" Jennifer Stuart laughed, letting Kei go. Kei's attention had gone to the other woman. "Alice?" "Aye," Alice cried, hugging Kei with considerable fierceness. Yuri assumed that Alice Stuart looked upon her partner as a favoured cousin. Kei had briefed her on all the close relations. Alice and Jennifer were daughters of Elizabeth's older brother William. Remembering her partner, Kei let go of Alice and said "Oh, guys, this is my partner Yuri. Yuri, Alice and Jennifer." "Hi!" Yuri smiled, shaking the outstretched hands. "Welcome to Nova Albion," Jennifer curtsied. "And this is about the friendliest welcome you'll get from anyone here." "Why's that?" Kei asked. "Most of the family didnae like the idea of Kay's mother marryin' a foreigner," Alice explained. Her accent was more pronounced than Jennifer's. "Seein' ye'll just exacerbate that." "I've taken worse," Yuri smiled. Inside, she was surprised that, at this time, such prejudices would still exist. "I hope so," Jennifer shrugged as she led the Angels, Alice and Mughi out of the hangar. "Though, I suppose being called 'Dirty Pair' everywhere you go might help." The four women, plus one big cat, hopped into a hovercar waiting outside the hangar. Once outside, Yuri began taking in the spectacular view. Aberdeen Station was set on an extinct volcano, one of the highest points around. Large clouds hovered in the distance, but the visibility extended for fifty miles. There were other mountains in view, with small valleys in between. "Wow!" Yuri whispered. "You guys got a nice place here." "Thanks," Alice smiled. "Where are ye from?" "Yocha," Yuri explained. "It's a forest world. You'd never see views like this." "I've never been off-planet before," Alice sighed. Yuri began to realize that she envied her cousin, for not only making it out into space, but being able to visit planet after planet. "It's interesting at first," Kei said as the car soared down the mountainside. "But then it gets to be a bit boring." "I wouldnae think so," Alice smiled. An hour later, the hovercar arrived at the huge castle that served as the stronghold of the Stuart family. Kei had explained to Yuri that the castle had been disassembled on Earth, transported and meticulously re-assembled on this mountaintop. Yuri was impressed by the history Castle Stuart projected to visitors. She had visited one other castle before - Castle Gebono on Orius. That was a visit Yuri would prefer to forget. The hovercar came to a halt in front of a huge flight of stairs leading to the front gates of the castle. The four girls and Mughi got out of the vehicle and began climbing. Once at the top, the doors silently parted to allow them inside - Yuri suspected there were sensors built into the doorway to allow visitors inside. Once through the doorway, Kei looked about "Mom?!" "Kay!!" Elizabeth Stuart cried from a balcony. Mother and daughter met in a fierce hug halfway down a side stairwell. "Oh, darlin'!" Elizabeth cried. "I'm so happy to see ye!" "Where's Dad?" Kei broke free. "He's back on Niogi," Elizabeth wiped the tears from her face as they walked back down. Kei groaned inward as she and Elizabeth walked up to where Yuri and the others were waiting. Introductions were made and Elizabeth detailed Alice to take Yuri to the guest quarters. As her partner was led away, Kei asked "How's Grandpa?" "Not good," Elizabeth shook his head. "He's been waiting for ye for some time." "I'll see him now," Kei nodded. "Not dressed like that, you won't!" Jennifer shook her head. Kei was dressed in her standard 3WA trouble consultant's uniform. "C'mon to my room. I've got some stuff you can borrow." * * * "Grandpa?" Kei called out. "Whu...?!" Angus MacDonald Stuart moaned. After getting dressed in formal wear (the same uniform the Angels saw on the courier), Kei was led by Elizabeth and Jennifer to Angus' bedroom. With the dying man was a Presbyterian minister and a local doctor. Angus was eighty years old, and once looked the part of a powerful Scots warlord. Now, he was a shadow of his former self. "Is that ye, Katharine?" "Aye," Kei leaned down to take her grandfather's hand. "You look wonderful, Grandpa." "Dinnae lie ta me!" Angus snorted, then let out a quiet laugh. "I know ye mean well." "My partner and I just came in," Kei smiled. "What's wrong?" "Old age, that's what!" Angus snorted again. "Ah, purhaps it's better this way." "Don't say that," Kei sighed. Although she still held the attitude that most of the Stuart clan were backwards in their outlook on reality, Kei cared deeply for her family. The news of her grandfather's impending death had hit her like a torpedo. She was trying to come to grips with all her conflicting emotions vis-a-vis Angus. "Now, Katharine," Angus feebly reached over to take Kei's hand in both of his own. "I've been watchin' ye doin' yuir work with the 3WA. Nivver before did I believe that a woman could do work like that." "Well..." Kei gulped. "We've had problems." "Aye, that ye have," Angus nodded. "People callin' ye the 'Dirtee Paer' and all that! Even though ye've been sufferin' from the devil's own case of bad luck, ye and yuir friend have survived it all." "Thanks." "Now, I salute the fact that ye want to go out an' help other people. But..." Angus emphasized the point with his finger at Kei's chest, "...when are ye gonna help yuirself?" "I...I don't understand." "When are ye gonna settle down?" Kei gulped again. *So that's what he's concerned about!* her mind screamed out. Angus wasn't worried at all about Kei's career as a 3WA trouble consultant. He was worried about her finding someone, getting married and becoming a proper housewife - like her mother and most of the other women on Nova Albion! She suppressed her anger quickly. "Grandpa, well, you see, my choices are limited where men are concerned." She gave him a smile, hoping he would understand. "I know, I know," Angus nodded. "I know yuir prohibited from marryin' anyone outside the 3WA! But...why limit yuirself to that?" *Now he wants me to retire!!* Kei sighed. *Damn, now I know why I left Niogi!!!* "Grandpa, I promise you I'll seriously consider retirement. My current stint with the 3WA ends in two years anyhow." "Yuil promise me that?" Kei nodded, tears running down her cheek. "Aye." "That's...that's good," Angus sighed. He laid back on the bed, as if all the energy in him just left. "Grandpa?" Kei called out. Angus Stuart made no sound. * * * Two days later... In one of the many wings of Castle Stuart, Yuri was slipping on an evening gown Elizabeth provided for her. The news of Angus Stuart's death had spread across Nova Albion like wildfire. Now, the diverse members of the clan were gathering at the castle to celebrate the life of Angus in the traditional Scottish manner - a combination wake/banquet. As she was the best friend of a member of the clan, Yuri was invited as a guest. Mughi had returned to the "Lovely Angel," where he would stay for the remaining time they were on the planet. As Yuri adjusted her dress, a knock was heard at the door. "Come in," Yuri called out. The door opened, and Kei walked inside. She was dressed in the same clothes that she wore to Angus' deathbed. Yuri looked over "You okay?" "Yeah, I suppose..." Kei sighed to herself as she sat down on the bed. "You never told me what your grandfather wanted. What was it?" Kei gulped back tears as Angus' words echoed across her mind: "I know yuir prohibited from marryin' anyone outside the 3WA! But why limit yuirself to that?" "He wanted me to retire." "Huh?" "He wanted me to retire from the 3WA, find some nice guy, and settle down like a good little Scottish girl!!!" Kei snapped. "Whoa, girl, relax!" Yuri recoiled back from her partner's anger. "So what do you intend to do?" "I won't quit!" Kei shook her head. "There's nothing in this galaxy that could make me quit!" She got up to pace around. "I'll only quit when I'm good and ready to!!" "Well, there have been some nice guys that've crossed your path before," Yuri mused aloud. "And some are still around. Carson, for instance." Kei let out a sigh. Carson D. Carson was a petty thief who worked with rare minerals. The Angels had encountered him in the Project E.D.E.N. fiasco on Agrana. While there was considerable tension between Kei and Carson at first, it mellowed out into a short, caring relationship. "Well, there's hope there," Kei mused. Silence descended on the room as Yuri finished dressing. They stepped out into the hallway and proceeded to the foyer leading to the castle's central hall, where the banquet was being held. Already there were Elizabeth, Jennifer, Alice and Kei's other immediate relatives. As they were introduced, Yuri felt the same level of acceptance Jennifer and Alice had given her at the Aberdeen spacedock. There was none of the prejudice that Kei's cousins warned Yuri about. "And who is this?" a voice suddenly called out from behind Yuri. The Angels spun around to see a tall gentleman standing right behind them. He was virtually a male version of Jennifer. There were some minor differences in the clothing he wore - differences implying a greater importance within the clan hierarchy. The only major difference was the thinly veiled distaste that the man exhibited to the Angels - Yuri in particular. Kei gave a very unfriendly smile "Why, hello, Donald. What bring you here?" Yuri caught onto the name quickly. Donald Stuart was the only grandson to the clan matriarch, and was in line to succeed her as the new clan patriarch. Yuri also learned from Kei that Donald was a self-righteous, arrogant bastard who deserved close watching. Yuri could sense it immediately, and sent it back in kind "Why, you must be Cousin Donald! Kei has told me *so* much about you." "This is a family affair," Donald said evenly. "People like yourself are not wanted here." "So what's wrong with me?" Yuri rose to the challenge. "Well, you're - ah, I believe that the Japanese word for it is *gaijin!*" Donald let out an unfriendly smile of his own. Yuri wanted nothing else but to haul back and smash that smile from the conceited jerk's face! Before she could say anything else, a new voice called out "Donald!" Donald's face went white. "Er...yes, Grandmother?" "Yuil be not treatin' our guest in such a despicable manner!" a small woman walked up to stand between him and Yuri. She knew immediately who this was: Mary Stuart, the clan matriarch. "But, Grandma, this is a family matter!" Donald protested immediately. "Enough!" Mary snapped. Donald clammed up. She then turned around and said "Yuir from Yocha, Miss Yuri?" "Yes." "Well, I knew yuir grandfather when we were goin' to school back on Earth," Mary laughed. "It pleased us both when you and Kei went to university yuirselves, and later joined the 3WA." "Why...thank you!" Yuri sighed. She noted immediately that Donald was completely flummoxed by the matriarch's open acceptance of Yuri's presence here on Nova Albion. *Take that, you creep!* Yuri's mind added. A bell sounded off in the distance. Mary turned about and said "Ah! 'Tis time to begin. Won't ye be joinin' us?" she asked Yuri. Yuri's response was to take the small woman in hand and escort her into the central hall. Kei, who had remained silent throughout the exchange, had the complete pleasure of seeing Donald, locked in silent rage at the sight of her partner and his grandmother making like the best of friends. To add insult to injury, Kei walked up and whispered "Nice try, dummy! You always were a jerk!" Before Donald could respond, Kei snickered and walked into the hall. * * * Three hours later, Yuri realized why her partner left her family in the first place. Even though Mary Stuart and Kei's immediate relatives were friendly enough, the banquet was, in one word, boring!! The whole affair started with grace, then one course after another of food whose names, textures and flavours Yuri had never encountered in her life! In the background, the bagpipes that Kei had mentioned continued to drone on and on. The tunes they were playing was stuff that - according to Mary - dated back centuries! While the banquet had started out in a subdued tone, Yuri watched as almost everyone was out to get stone-cold drunk!! She doubted Angus Stuart ever wanted his wake to end up like this! There were, however, some exceptions to the dirge-like routine. Mary and several other senior members of the clan constantly pelted her with questions about the Angels' work with the 3WA. "No, their jobs did not always end in disaster. Yes, the 'Dirty Pair' reputation was blown out of proportion. Yes, they were getting better press as time went on. No, all the accidents that occurred on their missions were not their fault! Yes, she's killed many times over - so has Kei!" And on and on and on. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Donald Stuart rose up from his seat and dinged his glass with a spoon. The bagpipe music stopped immediately, and everyone quieted down. Once he had everyone's attention, Donald rose his mug of whisky into the air and said "To Angus Stuart! We shall never forget him!" A mad chorus of "AYE!!!!" filled the hall as everyone staggered to their feet to return the toast. Before anyone else could say another word, the great doors at the end of the hall burst open. From the other side came the mad shout of "EUREKA!!!! I'VE DONE IT!!!!" * * * Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER THREE - VISITORS FROM CLASSIC TIMES "What the hell!" Yuri hissed. Everyone's attention was trained on the small man now running up the central aisle towards the head table. He was dressed as a normal scientist would be - in smock, shirt, tie and trousers. He bore a remarkable resemblance to Doctor Kubelstein. Now, he was screaming in complete joy. "I'VE DONE IT!!!" "Professor!!!" Donald Stuart yelled out. "What's the meaning of this?!?!" The scientist halted in front of Donald, completely ignoring the stunned looks from the remainder of the crowd. He grabbed Donald and led him into an impromptu jig around the floor. The professor was still laughing and screaming. "Professor, please!!" Donald shook the scientist out of his happy stupor. "This is a banquet!" "Eh...er...wha'?!" the scientist looked about. "Donald, what's the meaning of this?!" Mary stood up. "I'm trying to understand what's going on here myself, Grandma," Donald looked at her for a second, then returned his focus on the intruding scientist. "Who's that?" Yuri whispered. "Professor Albert Wainwright," Mary responded. "He's a quantum physicist who's in Donald's employ." "Now, Professor," Donald asked. "Would you mind telling us what's going on here?" "I've done it, Mister Stuart!!!" Wainwright responded immediately. "Done what?" "The timegate!!! I've perfected the timegate!!!" The word 'timegate' caught Kei's attention immediately. She leaned over to Jennifer "What's that?" "No one knows," Jennifer shook her head. "Wainwright's been employed by Donald on some secret project over the last year or so." The mention of the timegate shocked Donald into stunned silence for a second. Then, excitedly, he asked "Have you tested it?" "Yes, yes, no more than half an hour ago!!" Wainwright cried out. "I made three scanning passes of different time periods. When I was sure it could work, I came - as per your instructions - to see you!!" "I see," Donald moved into thoughtful silence. "Donald, what is this 'timegate?'" Elizabeth asked. The heir to the head of the Stuart clan was silent for a second, before giving his best smile and declaring "Friends and honoured relatives! A bit of good news in this day of sadness!!" Then, in answer to Elizabeth's question "Professor Wainwright here is a quantum physicist who has long theorised on the shattering of the final barrier impeding man's movement! And what is that final barrier, you might ask?!! It's not the lightspeed barrier - we broke that long ago! No - this barrier is the barrier of time itself!!!" Gasps of disbelief filled the great hall. Now that he had everyone's attention, Donald carried on. "For years, historians have pondered many questions about past events. Why did the great conquerors make the decisions they made! What influenced the great statesmen and scientists to make the decisions that would alter the course of humanity's development! Now, now at last, these questions and hundreds more, will be answered!!" "What does this timegate do?!" a rough male voice called out. "What does it do?" Donald repeated. To Wainwright, he said "Professor, I believe a demonstration is in order. Could the apparatus be set up?" "Immediately, Mister Stuart." "Well then!!" Donald waved towards the doorway. "To the laboratory!" Curious, many of the Stuarts gathered in the great hall rose from their seats and followed Donald. Yuri was completely aghast at what just happened - this was supposed to be a wake for Kei's grandfather! "Well, I never...!!" Mary shook her head, echoing Yuri's thoughts. "That lad'll get himself into trouble if his behaviour carries on like this!!!" Yuri nodded in understanding, got up and went over to where Kei was seated. She and her immediate relatives were debating amongst themselves whether or not to remain. Leaning down beside Kei, Yuri whispered "I think we should tag along." "Why?" Kei asked. "I dunno," Yuri shook her head. "Something about that professor's got me worried." Kei recognized the signs immediately. "Okay, I can agree with that." She got up and followed Yuri out the door. "Now I wonder what's gotten into them?" Elizabeth whispered from her seat. * * * Professor Wainwright's laboratory was sited on a mountaintop within walking distance of the castle. The curious members of the clan, the Lovely Angels in tow, were led inside by several of the clan guardsmen, a private police force employed to protect the Stuart property. The laboratory was set in a dome similar to old-style telescope domes back on Earth. On top of the dome rested a large antennae-like apparatus. Once inside, people were led to the main workroom. This room had a continuous bank of computers on the walls, small work stations scattered about, and a large glass chamber in the centre of the room. Before entering the lab, Kei tapped her earring communicator. "Mughi," she whispered. A low growl came in response. "Call Doctor Kubelstein. Ask him if he knows a Professor Albert Wainwright, currently working in the employ of the Stuart clan. I want to know his history and credentials." Mughi growled in response and cut the transmission. Inside, Wainright busied himself with activating the power generators - which, the Angels assumed, were buried in the mountain. Donald positioned himself in front of a large monitor screen. Once sufficient power was supplied to the timegate apparatus, Wainwright moved to stand in front of the assembled crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please." People quieted down. "As Mister Stuart has explained, this project is designed to act as an aid to historians in the ongoing quest to answer questions about our past. The timegate is, as the name implies, a gateway through the time barrier. However, the timegate should not be assumed to be a doorway to the past. It is, more or less, a window." "You mean people can't use this to travel through time?" Yuri spoke out from the back of the crowd. "Essentially, yes," Wainwright nodded. "While the timegate does allow people to look at events in the past, it does not allow passage. For two reasons. First, even at this late stage of the process, the tidal forces within a timegate are not fully understood. Sending someone into the timegate would be considered sending them to their deaths. The second reason - you might say the ethical reason - is that anyone from this time period passing through to the past could, either accidentally or on purpose, alter some event and change the course of history. "Thus, for the first several operations, I concentrated on remote parts of Earth. For this demonstration, I shall return to the co-ordinates that I used the last time." "Which are?" Kei asked. "In Canada, Miss Kei. The south-eastern part of the province of Ontario, near the border with Quebec." "What year?" Donald asked. "1992." "Why that time?" Yuri asked. "1992 was a year after the major changes in Earth history that brought humanity onto the course leading to the present state we live in." Wainwright turned to the master control board. "Now, with no further interruptions, we'll begin." Several switches were flipped and the monitor screen came on. Slowly, a deep noise filled the room. The central chamber filled with diverse colours and energy patterns, similar to the effect seen when a starship enters hyperspace. On the monitor screen, a test pattern emerged. Wainwright increased power to the timegate, causing the energy within the chamber to coalesce about a single point, in an imitation of a black hole. The monitor screen fuzzed for a second, before coalescing into a solid picture of a planet - Earth! This was not the Earth recognizable to any twenty-second century citizen. This Earth did not have the multitude of space stations and starships in orbit. The planet was depicted with North America on the night side. The lights indicating cities and other inhabited areas were not as numerous as they were today. Furthermore, the large man-made islands built in the early twenty-first century to handle population problems were nowhere to be seen. "Wow!" Yuri whispered to Kei. "This is really happening." "Beginning resolution enhancement," Wainwright declared. The image on the monitor screen closed in on Earth - specifically on an area north-north-east of Lake Ontario. A river - the Ottawa - came into focus. In addition, farm plots and several small urban areas came into view. To the left of the screen was an area of undeveloped territory - Algonquin Park. Centre of the screen appeared a block of land with a small settlement in the south-east corner. The remainder of the territory was criss- crossed by dirt roads, dotted with target ranges and other buildings indicating a military installation. "What is that place?" Kei asked. "Canadian Forces Base Petawawa," Wainwright explained. "Home to a special service formation of the Canadian military known as the Canadian Airborne Regiment." "I remember studying about those units in 3WA training," Yuri whispered to Kei. "Sometimes, they were assigned counter- terrorist work." "Enhancing further," Wainwright reported. The image on the monitor screen focused on one of the small training areas in the centre of Petawawa. "I believe that we may have found something," the professor reported. The image changed again, this time to reveal a small clearing between a mass of trees. In the centre of the clearing was a small campfire, and sitting on both sides were two men! "Ohmigod!" Kei gasped. Mutters of disbelief sounded through the crowd. "Why, what have we here?" Wainwright looked at the screen. "They weren't there before!" *Liar!* Yuri snapped in her head. The professor's disbelief was well acted, but she was able to detect the minute signs. "Can they see us?" one man asked. "Of course not!" Wainwright shook his head. "Can we hear what they're saying?" Donald asked. "Yes, we can," the professor adjusted several switches. Speakers around the room relayed the sounds of the forest - crickets, grasshoppers and the like. The crackle of the campfire came in loud and clear. In the distance was the tattering noise of an old-style machine gun, followed by the low boom of explosives. Everyone in the room was spellbound at the sight - but were soon awakened by a voice. "Pass the coffee, willya, Dips." Most of the crowd was shaken. There was one exception. Kei was trying her best not to burst into peals of laughter. "What's so funny?" Yuri hissed. "Oh, God!" Kei gasped. "I mean, here we all are, expecting to hear some great pronouncement from these guys, and all we get is 'Pass the coffee!!'" The man on the right of the monitor screen - 'Dips' - passed a thermos over "Be bloody pleased when this mess is over" in a crisp English accent. "You have plans for the weekend, Rick?" "Not a one," the man on the left - Rick - shook his head. "Michelle's been trying to drag me into bed with her for the past two months. Can't understand why that girl's so hooked on sex!!" "Ooooh!" Kei giggled. "Poor boy." "Well, if we adopt the medieval attitude about women, sex is all they're made for!" Dipsy laughed. "He's your type," Kei whispered to Yuri. Yuri hummed "Maybe." "Better bury jokes like that, pal!" Rick warned. A pause, then "So, how're things with Sharon?" "Strange. Before I flew over here, she came down to my home in St. James' Park and begged me not to go." "Huh?! How come?" "It was the strangest thing. She comes into my flat, throws her arms around me, and says 'I have this horrible feeling, don't go!'" "Hope they turned out alright," Yuri whispered. "Did I ever show you a picture of Michelle, Dipsy?" Rick asked. "Er...no," Dipsy shook his head. Rick reached into his combat tunic and pulled out a wallet. Flipping it open, he fished out an old two-dimensional picture. "See if you can close in on that," Donald Stuart pointed at the monitor screen. Wainwright adjusted the controls. "The resolution may become somewhat fuzzy. I've never taken this close to anyone before." The image changed to one of Dipsy's hand taking the picture. The edges of the screen were fuzzy, but the centre was crystal clear. "Doesn't appear too bad," the professor mused out loud. "Kei, look!!!" Yuri gasped. Kei looked. So did everyone else. On the screen was a photograph of a man and a woman. The man -obviously Rick - was dressed in Canadian Forces' land garrison dress (a dark camouflage tunic, dark green pants, open collar shirt, combat boots and beret), with the three chevrons and maple leaf of a sergeant on the sleeves, parachute wings on the left breast, and an eight-point star on the beret. He had his right arm across the shoulders of a woman - a woman who could have been Kei's twin sister! "Good Lord!" Donald gasped, looking between the screen and Kei. Dipsy's voice came over the screen "Very nice!" "Thanks," Rick responded, taking back the picture. Wainwright adjusted the controls, and the image on the screen returned to an overhead view of both men. Rick slipped the picture back into his wallet and put it away. At that moment, a loud *crack!* of electricity filled the room. The professor looked up and said "What on Earth...?!?!" "Problems, Professor?" Donald asked. Wainwright looked about in horror. "The timegate controls! They're channelling more power into the timegate!" "What?!" "The machine's taking in more power than it's supposed to!!" Wainwright began to adjust controls. "What will that do to the timegate?" Donald asked. "I have no idea!!" On the monitor screen, the ground about Rick and Dipsy lit up as if it was daylight. The Lovely Angels watched in stunned horror as the two twentieth-century soldiers looked up in question at the light source. "Oh, God, no!" Yuri whispered. "They can see it." "What the devil's that?!" Dipsy asked. "Dunno!!" Rick shook his head. "Could be a paraflare!" "Suit-up time," Dipsy shrugged. The two men proceeded to put a full-body suit over their combat uniforms. "No, no!" Yuri shook her head. "Move away!" "Donald!!" Kei yelled. "They can see the timegate!!" Donald looked at the screen in complete horror. "Oh, God! They must think this is some sort of attack exercise!" He turned to Wainwright "Shut the damn thing down!!" "I can't!!!" Wainwright shook his head. "The controls have solidified!!" Rick and Dipsy completed dressing, then placed old-style gas masks over their faces. The one-piece suit -a chemical warfare defence uniform - was closed up with a hood. Gloves went on, and the two men reached for their rifles and combat harnesses. "Strangest paraflare I've ever seen," Dipsy spoke, his voice partially masked by the gas mask. "Got that right!" Rick shook his head. A bank of computers blew outwards. "Power's gone to maximum!!" Wainwright yelled out. "Can you stop it?!?!" Donald asked. Wainwright shook his head. "I've no idea when this will end!!!" "I say," Dipsy looked about on the screen. "Did you hear something?" "Yeah!" Rick looked about. "Don't know where it came from!" "They can hear us!" Kei hissed. Yuri walked towards the central energy chamber. The energies inside had transformed from a black hole-like point into a tunnel of cascading energy. Looking back at the screen, she yelled out "CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!" "There!!!" Dipsy cried out. "A woman's voice!!" "Yeah!!!" Rick yelled out. "Who the hell are you?!?!" "I CAN'T EXPLAIN!!!!" Yuri screamed. "MOVE INTO THE FOREST!!! GET AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!!" "What the deuce are you talking about?!?!" Dipsy responded. "Is there a danger?!" "YES!!!" Yuri nodded. Watching from the sidelines, Kei was stunned by the implications in what was happening. Two people, one trying to understand, the other trying to save the former - separated by a century-and-a-half of time and lightyears of space. Wainwright looked up from his monitor board. "Tidal forces increasing!!" "What does that mean?!" Kei asked. "The forces inside the timegate will begin drawing matter from the end of the vortex to the starting point!" Wainwright shook his head. "What's going on here?!?!" Rick yelled. "Is this some sort of space-warp?!" Dipsy asked. Yuri looked at Kei for a second, then nodded "YES!!!" "I think we should back off," Dipsy began to edge away from the clearing, pulling Rick back. "Thank you!" Yuri gasped. She looked into the vortex in the cubicle and let out a scream. "Yuri, what the...?!" Kei gasped, watching in complete disbelief as a green bag sailed out from the vortex, smashing through the plexiglass, and nearly knocking Yuri over! "Hey!!" Rick cried out. "My kitbag!!" "That's not all!" Dipsy said. "What's wrong?!?!" "Look down!!" In the twenty-second century, everyone looked. Rick and Dipsy were being pulled into the air! "Professor, for God's sake, shut the damn thing down!!!" Donald screamed. "Too late!!" Wainwright cried out. Everything blew apart. * * * Kei woke up sometime later. Getting to her feet, she saw the laboratory was in a complete shambles. Computers were knocked over and parts scattered all over the place. The central cubicle was a shattered skeleton of broken glass. The monitor screen was burnt out. The master control board was blown outward. Most of the people were thrown against the wall or scattered around the floor. Yuri was unconscious nearby. Donald and Professor Wainwright were nowhere to be seen. Kei moved carefully over to Yuri and nudged her foot into her partner's side. "Hey, Yuri, wake up!" "Huh?" Yuri's eyes fluttered open. "Wha'...wha' happened?" "I dunno!" Kei shook her head. Looking about, she noticed there were two blackened, humanoid shapes sprawled out on the floor nearby. "What the hell?" One of the forms began to move, slowly shifting into a crawling position. Kei walked over and asked "Are you okay?" "Dunno..." a muttering voice came out. Kei gasped "Rick?" "Huh?" a hand reached up and pulled off the gas mask. "How the heck do you know who I am?" Kei leaned down, pulled off the hood, then helped Rick over on his back. The soldier's eyes were closed, and his face was slightly scarred and burnt. Kei passed her hand through a thin mass of brown hair and asked "You okay?" "I...think so," Rick shook his head, opening his eyes. "Where am I, anyway?" "That...that's gonna be hard to explain," Kei gulped. Rick moved his head about in silent wonder, then focused on Kei's face. Staring hard, he asked "Michelle?" "No...no," Kei shook his head. "My name's Kei." "Oh," Rick nodded. Then, with practised precision, he said "Richard William Thomas, rank: sergeant, service number: IN8- 37476, unit: 1st Battalion The Royal Canadian Regiment." "Er...hi!" Kei sighed. Yuri leaned down beside the other form, and said "Are you alright?" Rick looked over at Kei's partner "You know, you look like my best friend's fiancee." "Fiancee?!" Yuri cried out. "Wha...what the devil happened?" Dipsy's voice called out. Yuri helped him to his side. Dipsy took off his mask to reveal a shock of blond hair and clear-blue eyes, the same shade as Rick's. His face had weathered the time gate better than his friend. Looking up at Yuri, he said "I say, are you the one that...?" "Yes," Yuri nodded. "My name's Yuri." "David James Doolittle, staff-sergeant with the 2nd Battalion of Her Majesty's Grenadier Guards." "Hi," Yuri nodded. Other people in the room began to awaken. Kei touched her earring "Mughi!" The Angels' pet growled in response. "Call the hospital and firefighters! Get them to Professor Wainwright's laboratory ASAP!! Step on it!" Mughi growled an affirmative and cut the line. Rick and Dipsy, in the meantime, scanned the shattered laboratory. Looking back at Kei, Rick asked "Where are we?" Kei looked at Rick for a second, wondering what to tell him. She settled on the truth. "You're in a laboratory on the planet Nova Albion. It's located in the S'hain star system, which, from Earth, is in the constellation of Cassiopeia." She suppressed a gulp as she added the worst part "The year is 2143." "Uh-boy!" Rick moaned. "Hey, Dips! We've just tripped into the Twilight Zone." Rick passed out. Dipsy looked up at Yuri, stunned horror and disbelief on his face. "Please forgive my friend. He's quite...excitable." He, too, passed out. Yuri looked at Kei - she looked back. Yuri got her voice first "Kei, how are we ever gonna explain this to Goulet?" "Ask me later," Kei shook her head. "I'm in a state of complete shock!" * * * Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER FOUR - THE PAST-TIME CONSPIRACY "What the hell happened?!?!" Goulet screamed. Kei and Yuri were back onboard the "Lovely Angel." They had returned shortly after Rick Thomas and Dipsy Doolittle were sent to the Aberdeen Medical Centre. The doctors informed them that the two men survived the worst of the timegate - the biological-chemical defence gear shielded them against the hard radiation within the vortex. The two men suffered from a potent dose of gamma and delta radiation poisoning, but the doctors assured the Angels that full recovery was possible. With the two classical time refugees safely in medical care, the two women returned to report what had happened to their superior. "Like we told you," Kei sighed. "This Professor Wainwright created a time portal - a 'timegate,' he called it. It was only designed to give historians a window on the past. Something went wrong and two men from the twentieth century were brought through the vortex into the twenty-second." "I thought time-travel was impossible!" the DCA snapped. "So did we," Yuri shook her head. "Until three hours ago." Goulet sighed and sat back down in his office seat on Shimogu. "What do you propose?" "The Aberdeen Medical Centre is treating Rick and Dipsy for G- and D-radiation poisoning. Prognosis is a full recovery. Once they're released, we bring them to Shimogu and make them wards of the 3WA." "Fair enough," Goulet nodded. "Did Doctor Kubelstein get that information I asked for?" Kei asked. "He did," Goulet turned to look at his door. "Ah, here he is right now!" The DCA shifted in his seat to allow Doctor Richard Kubelstein a chance to look at the viewer. Kubelstein was the chief scientist with the 3WA's Criminal Division, and was responsible for many of the devices the Angels and other trouble consultant teams used on their various missions. An aging man in his mid-fifties, Kubelstein was the epitome of the serious researcher. "Good evening, ladies!" "Hi, Doc," Kei sighed. "Albert Wainwright and I are old acquaintances," Kubelstein sighed. "What do you want to know?" "Is he a proficient scientist?" Yuri asked. "Without a doubt," Kubelstein nodded. "Time-travel was his pet project for many years. I'm surprised he was able to pull it off so soon." "He had lots of financial help," Kei said. "My cousin Donald was his employer." "Was your cousin a history buff?" Goulet asked. Kei nodded. "Big time. Always fantasized being an old Scottish warlord fighting the clan wars of the Middle Ages." "Nice," Kubelstein nodded. "Listen, can you do me a favour?" "Sure," Yuri smiled. "Ask Albert if I could get a copy of his notes. Tell him I'd like to double-check some of his equations - so that nothing like this will happen again." "Fair enough," Kei nodded. "Good day, ladies," Kubelstein walked away from the monitor and left Goulet's office. The DCA turned to Kei and asked "Anything else?" "Did you do a background check on Rick and Dipsy?" "We did," Goulet typed out several commands on his deskboard. "First, Mister Thomas. Born 1966 in Pembroke, Ontario, Canada. Father and grandfather served with the Royal Canadian Regiment in World War Two and the Korean War. No brothers or sisters. Mother was a member of the Royal Canadian Army Medical Corps as a nurse. Joined the Canadian Forces primary reserve in 1984 with the Lanark and Renfrew Scottish Regiment. Transferred to the Regular Force the next year, and was assigned to the 1st Battalion of the Royal Canadian Regiment. Completed his airborne jump qualification in 1986, infantry section leader's course in 1987, and was promoted to sergeant by 1990. Served a tour with the Canadian Airborne Regiment 1986 - 1990. Did three tours of peacekeeping duties with the United Nations - Cyprus in 1987, the Golan Heights in 1989 and the Persian Gulf War in 1990 - 1991. Was due for promotion to warrant officer in 1994." "Any mention of a girlfriend?" Kei asked. "Only a brief one," Goulet looked down to his notes. "Michelle Wright. Born 1968 in Renfrew, Ontario, Canada. Nothing substantial about her parents, no other relatives. Supposedly met Thomas in high school in Pembroke, began dating soon afterward. She..." he paused. "What is it?" "She contracted the human immuno-deficiency virus in 1986 by a contaminated blood transfusion," Goulet looked back up, silent horror on his face. "The HIV virus?" Yuri gasped. "Was Thomas tested?" Goulet asked. "Yes," Kei nodded. "All tests negative." "Good," the DCA nodded. Even in the twenty-second century, mankind had still to come to full grips with the havoc unleashed by the HIV virus, one of the main causes of AIDS - the disease seen by most historians as the 'Black Plague of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries.' "What happened?" Kei asked, a tremor in her voice. "She...she committed suicide shortly after Thomas' disappearance," Goulet's voice broke. Kei closed her eyes to prevent the DCA from seeing her tears. Deciding to move to another topic, Yuri asked "And Dipsy?" Relieved, Goulet recomposed himself and began again. "David Doolittle, born 1966 in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, England. Whole family was military - male members served in the old Guards Division or the Household Cavalry. Female members were usually either in the Queen Alexandria's Nursing Corps or the Women's Army Corps. Joined the British Army in 1983. Served initially with the 1st Battalion of the Grenadier Guards. Served with the 22nd Special Air Service Regiment 1985 - 1989. Served in peacekeeping roles in Cyprus in 1984 and again in 1990. Also served in the Gulf War with the 2nd Grenadier Guards. Promoted staff-sergeant in 1991 and would have been promoted to warrant officer 2nd class in 1993." "There was a fiancee mentioned?" Yuri asked. "Sharon Taneka. Born 1967 to Chinese and Japanese parents in Hong Kong. Migrated to England in 1974, met Doolittle in 1981, and became engaged in 1991. After his disappearance, she lived alone for the rest of her life, and passed away in 2033." Yuri shook her head. "Damn! The injustice of it all!" "I know," Goulet nodded. "When you bring these two here, I'll assign Madame Barr to help counsel them - Lord knows, they're gonna need it!" Madame Nicole Barr was one of the first trouble consultants with the 3WA, and currently served as Goulet's operational advisor. "Thanks," Kei sighed. "What happened to Donald and Professor Wainwright?" Goulet suddenly remembered a point on the Angels' report. "They were the first to recover. When they did, they went out to get help," Kei sighed. "Good enough," Goulet nodded. "Look, Chief, we're gonna call things a little early," Kei sighed. "We'll say good-bye to my family and bring Rick and Dipsy to Shimogu in a couple of days." "All right," the DCA nodded. "There's been no developments on the Crysostome case. I'll call Lucien Genetics up and tell them you'll be at Crysostome Station in eighty-four hours." "Got it," Kei nodded. "'Lovely Angel,' out." "3WA, out," Goulet nodded in return. Kei cut the transmission. "So, now what?" Yuri asked. "Let's visit the hospital," Kei sighed. "We'll get the guys out of there, say good-bye to Mom and the others, and trip out!" A tear rolled down her face. "You okay?" Yuri placed a hand on Kei's shoulder. "No," Kei shook her head. "I'm not gonna like telling Rick what happened to Michelle." "Who says you have to tell him?" "I do," Kei sighed, getting up. "I told myself to tell the truth, and I will." The two girls walked out of the cockpit and down the gangway off the ship. "I don't have to like it, though." Leaving the hangar where the 'Lovely Angel' was docked, the Angels heard a roar of repulsorlifts. Looking down the access road, Kei and Yuri spotted Jennifer in a hovercar racing up at top speed. Jennifer braked the vehicle in front of the two girls "Get in!!!" "What's wrong?!?!" Kei hopped into the passenger seat. "It's Aunt Mary!!" Jennifer gasped, tears running down her eyes. "She's been murdered!!!" * * * The hovercar returned to Castle Stuart at top speed. Once in front of the entranceway, Yuri asked "Have the police been informed?!" "Aunt Elizabeth's summoned them!" Jennifer ran up the stairs to the front door. "They should be here by now!!!" Running inside, they took the stairs three at a time to the upper floor. Turning a corner, they ran to the door leading into Mary Stuart's study. Kei and Yuri drew their weapons. Jennifer looked from one to the other and said "What is it?" "Just being cautious," Kei whispered. "God, now I know why everyone calls you 'Dirty Pair!'" Jennifer hissed. "You two sit on a trigger all the time!!" "Good survival tactic!" Yuri smiled. "Let's go!" The door was opened, and the two 3WA trouble consultants sprang through, weapons at the ready. They scoped the room in a second, taking in all the details. The body of Mary Stuart laid on the floor, a neat red hole in the middle of her head. Yuri sidestepped over to the body, and made a quick examination. Kei did a circle of the room, and then relaxed. There was one other door leading out of the study - it led into Mary's bedroom. "Jennifer, go check in there," Kei nodded. Jennifer drew her own weapon - an electromag like Yuri's - and opened the bedroom door. Kei and Yuri were busy scoping the room for clues, so they were only paying half-attention to Jennifer. They sensed something wrong when Jennifer's voice spoke out "What are you two doing here...?!" A shot rang out. The Angels reacted quickly to what happened, and were through the door in a second. Before they could see what was happening, Donald Stuart's voice spoke out "Uh-uh! Would you two be so kind as to put those weapons down!" * * * "Donald, what the hell's the meaning of this?!?!" Kei snarled. Both Lovely Angels had their weapons in hand. Inside Mary Stuart's bedroom, Donald had Alice as a hostage, with a particle cannon similar to Kei's pointed right at her head. Beside him, Professor Wainwright had another electromag in hand. On the floor was the unconscious form of Kei's mother beside a vidphone. In front of them, Jennifer was rolling about, her hand gripping a bleeding shoulder. Her own weapon was safely in Wainwright's pocket. "First, put your weapons down!" Donald snapped. "Now...or Alice get's a new ear!!!" Kei and Yuri looked at each other, then slowly placed their weapons down on the ground. "Fine enough!" Donald sighed. "Now, back into the study! All of you!!!" Kei and Yuri leaned down to help Jennifer to her feet. They backed into the study, with Professor Wainwright covering them with his gun. Donald followed, with Alice in tow. "Mind telling us what's going on?!" Yuri asked. "In time," Donald sighed. He shoved Alice towards Kei, then backed towards the door to close it. "Time!" Kei snarled. "So that's what this is all about!!" "Wha...?!" Wainwright gasped. "The timegate!" Kei sighed. "It was intended for transporting people in the first place, wasn't it?!" "My, aren't we perceptive!" Donald nodded in admiration. "Yes, Kei, it was designed to transport people - but not from the past to the present!" "You intend to go back in time!" Yuri gasped, the full implications hitting home. "You want to change history!!!" "Of course!!" Donald laughed. "I, a select group and the Professor, will proceed very soon through another timegate apparatus. I would think the late Middle Ages would be a good time to start! In addition, we'll take back enough modern technology to aid us!!" "Why?!?!" Alice snapped. "So you can carve an empire of yuir own?!" "Of course!" Donald laughed. "I'll start in Scotland! Make the Stuart clan the most powerful in the nation! Then conquer England and Ireland, and from there, the rest of Europe!! You know what happens in the late 1400s! The discoverers - Columbus, da Gama, Cabot, Magellan! They go out and with their ships and their Christian determination, rape and slaughter the entirety of the New World!! I intend to stop that!!" "Aunt Mary stumbled on to what you were doing!" Kei snapped back. "You had to silence her to prevent interference!!" "Yes, that was unfortunate!" Donald sighed. "Consider it, though! The destruction of the Amerind cultures - the Iroquois, the Incas, the Astecs and the Mayans, not to count numerous others! The forced colonization of Africa and India!! The subduing of the far eastern powers - China, Japan, Korea and the rest!!! I intend to stop that - to show humanity there was another way!!" "You want to become the new Messiah!" Yuri sighed. "That is a possibility," Donald mused. "And to help you ensure that it was safe, you used Rick and Dipsy as guinea pigs!!" Kei growled. "A necessity!" Wainwright shrugged. "Damn you!!!" Kei hissed. "Did you know those two had families! They had girlfriends and people who cared for them?!?! Didn't you care?!?!" "That's soon to become a very trivial point," Donald chuckled. * * * Rick and Dipsy were secured in a private ward on the upper level of the Aberdeen Medical Centre. Both had undergone radiation therapy, and were resting. They were somewhat conscious during the procedure, and had overheard conversation between their doctor and several of the nurses. It was enough to convince the two men that what happened to them *really* happened - they were now in the year 2143 on a planet inhabited by human colonists light years from Earth. The shock of that confirmation had finally evaporated, and the two men, nearly insensate from their experiences, were now sleeping it off. Both were still in their beds as a nurse came in to administer medication. The administering device was a hypo-gun, far less painful than a needle. Walking up to the sink beside Rick's bed, the nurse dumped out the injection formula, and then inserted the cartridge into the gun. She turned to the unconscious soldier in the bed... * * * Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER FIVE - BUG-OUT! ...and before she could administer the injection, Rick's foot kicked the hypo-gun out of her hand! The nurse tried to back off, but Rick moved like greased lightning! He had her in a headlock within a second, with the right hand poised over the woman's face, ready to snap the neck at the first sign of trouble. He hissed "What was that for?" "I...I dinnae...!" the nurse whimpered. "Dipsy, you awake?" Rick asked. "I'm here," Dipsy's eyes opened up as he sat up on the bed. "Why were you trying to kill us?!" Rick snapped at the nurse. "I...I...!" the nurse gasped. "Don't try to deny it! I may be an infantryman by trade, but I know that fresh air injected into the blood stream causes a nearly untraceable stroke!!" Rick put pressure on the woman's forehead to emphasize his point. "Now, why?!?!" "I...I have orders." "From who?!?!" "I cannae tell ye!!" the nurse cried out. "He'll kill me!!!" "I'll kill you right here and now!!" Rick snarled. "Name!!" "I...Donald! Donald Stuart!!" "A Scotsman?" Dipsy asked. "Probably!" Rick sighed. "Overhearing everybody when we were in triage, I figured this planet was settled by Scots." "Please...please dinnae...!" the nurse whimpered, collapsing to her knees, dragging Rick down. Rick relaxed his grip, which gave her the chance to break free. She wheeled about and slammed a fist into his gut. Rick stumbled back, stunned by the force of the blow. The nurse spun around to grab the hypo-gun, but a scalpel sailed through the air and rammed through an eye socket. She dropped into a heap on the ground. Rick got back to his feet "Thanks!" "How many times have I got to tell you not to be sympathetic with terrorists?!" Dipsy snapped. "She could've had you if that scalpel wasn't here." "Okay, okay, not everyone's an expert on terrorists like you are!" Rick sighed, looking about the hospital room. "Now, where the heck are our clothes?" "What do you intend to do?" Dipsy asked. "I'm on pure adrenaline now, Dips!" Rick sighed. "All I figure is that we get out of this hospital, off this planet and go somewhere safe!!" "We have no idea where a safe place would be!" Dipsy sighed. "Yeah, we don't!" Rick looked about the room, stumbling on a wall computer unit. "But those two girls that brought us here might!" "Kei and Yuri? The ones that look like Michelle and Sharon?" "Exactly," Rick took a closer examination of the machine. On it was marked 'BURLINGTON CR-923 CLOTHING REPLICATOR.' "Hey, Dips! Check this out!" "A clothing replicator?!" Dipsy looked at the machine. "Yeah!" Rick laughed. "Just like 'Star Trek!'" "That's fine!" Dipsy scanned the controls. "How do we turn the thing on?!" The two men looked up and down the machine. Rick spotted the power on/off button and pressed it. A male computer voice asked "*Working. Type of clothing?*" "Mens casual," Rick said. "*Type and pattern?*" "Golf shirt, 2XL. Track pants, open leg, XL. Running shoes, size 11 1/2 E. White running socks, same size." "*Acknowledged.*" The replicator got to work immediately. A minute later, after a tiny *ding!* the central service hatch opened, to reveal the clothing Rick had requested. He took out the clothing as the computer asked "*Further request?*" "Yes," Dipsy nodded. "*Type of clothing?*" "Same as before. Mens causal. Same order as before. Alter shoe and sock size to 12D." "*Acknowledged,*" the replicator made up Dipsy's clothing. "*Further request?*" "Negative," Dipsy nodded. "Thank you." He then shut off the machine. The two men dressed immediately. Once that was done, Dipsy asked "What about her?" nodding over to the nurse. Rick looked about the room "Closet?" "Fair enough," Dipsy shrugged. The two men picked up the dead form and moved her to stand upright in the closet. Closing the door, Dipsy jammed it with a chair. Turning to Rick, he asked "Now what?" "We're outta this joint!" Rick sighed. "Let's go!" The two men walked out of the room. Once in the hallway, they noted the place was deserted. Aberdeen Medical Centre was built on the same principle as most hospitals in the twentieth century, although some of the department names confused the two soldiers. They found their way to an elevator, pressed the down button, and waited. Once the car arrived, they hopped in, pressed the button for the first floor, and descended. Reaching their destination, Rick and Dipsy were relieved to find the ground floor of the hospital as deserted as the fourth. The two men followed exit signs to the front door, where they spotted a single security guard. Reclining himself into a cove, Dipsy asked "Now what?" "Well, we could just walk out of here!" Rick shrugged. "The guy doesn't have to believe we're patients here." "We could pretend that we're out-patients." Rick shook his head "Too late in the evening." The clock on a nearby wall said 21:20. "We'll pretend we're visitors for a patient here." Dipsy nodded "Good idea." The two men sauntered out into the lobby and proceeded to pass the guard. As they walked by, the guard stood up "Who are ye'?" "We're visitors," Dipsy explained immediately. "Visitin' hours ended an hour ago!" the guard spoke out. "Oh, really?" Dipsy shook his head in mock confusion. "We didn't notice." Before the guard could say anything further, Dipsy's hand chopped at the base of his neck. The guard was knocked out immediately. "Dreadfully sorry about that." The two soldiers sat the unconscious load on his chair. With practised precision, they searched the pockets, producing a wallet. Dipsy took the guard's electromag in hand while Rick searched through the contents. Some of that was completely confusing to the two twentieth-century men, but there was change and paper money. Rick took all of that and slipped it into his pocket. "What about him?" Dipsy asked. "Leave the gun behind," Rick notioned. "When he wakes up, he'll think it was a dream." "Good point." Once the guard was back in place, the two men noted a vidphone on the wall, with the notation "ABERDEEN TAXI SERVICE DIRECT-DIAL." Picking up the phone, Rick waited until the other end responded "Can we have a taxi please?" "Your location?" a friendly female voice asked. "The hospital." "There is one unit at your location." "Thanks," Rick hung up the phone. To Dipsy, he shrugged "A computer, I suppose." "Doesn't surprise me," the two men walked out of the hospital. "They were computerizing everything back in our time." Once outside, Rick and Dipsy noticed a hovercar with a taxi light over the cab had driven up in front of the doors. The two men noted there was no driver inside. Getting in, Rick asked "Where's the control box?" "*Destination, please,*" the hovercar's computer intoned. "Where is the nearest tourist information booth to this location?" Dipsy asked. "*New Aberdeen Spaceport,*" the computer responded. "Do you take cash?" "*Yes.*" "Price of the journey?" "*Ten pounds, forty-five shillings.*" Dipsy sighed. Nova Albion used the old British monetary system, thus the bills and coinage, although different in design, was in similar notations. Dipsy counted out the change, and asked "Where's the deposit box?" A side hatch opened up. Dipsy inserted the money, and the computer said "Thank you." Ten minutes later, the taxi arrived at the main foyer of the Spaceport. The two men disembarked and walked inside. New Aberdeen Spaceport had a distant resemblance to Toronto's Pearson International Airport, thus Rick and Dipsy did not feel lost. The Tourist Information booth - a fully automated one - was located on the ground floor. Walking up, Rick looked about "Hello?" A computer screen came on, and a generic female travel consultant appeared. "*May I help you?*" "Er...two things," Dipsy said. "First of all, where is a Mister Donald Stuart currently residing?" "*Castle Stuart. There is direct taxi service to the castle.*" "Thank you. Second question. We're looking for two people - two ladies named Kei and Yuri. Neither of us have any idea of their last names or where they live. We suspect they may be either residents or visitors here." "*Please stand by. Accessing resident listings,*" the computer went blank for a second, then came back on. "*Negative resident listing on either 'Kei' or 'Yuri.' Accessing visitor list.*" The computer went blank again, then came back. "*Confirmed on visitor list. Niogami, Kei and Yochimitsu, Yuri. 3WA trouble consultant team code-named Lovely Angels. Guests of the Stuart family at Castle Stuart. 3WA ship 'Lovely Angel' docked at Hangar Seven.*" "Thank you," Dipsy nodded. The computer went blank as the two men walked away. "Now where the heck's Hangar Seven?" Rick asked. "Let's find out," Dipsy spotted a station locator diagram. A quick check revealed that Hangar Seven was located at the far end of the spaceport. There was one access road leading there. The access road connected to the main highway leading to Aberdeen City and Castle Stuart. "How far is that?" Rick asked. "I'd say two, maybe three, kilometres," Dipsy shrugged. "Not bad," Rick nodded. "Let's go." * * * "A trivial point?" Kei asked. "Yes," Donald smiled. "We don't want any witnesses. Besides, both those men would've been declared dead long ago. No effect on history whatsoever." "You bastard!!" Kei snapped. The vidphone on the desk signalled. Donald backed off and picked it up. "What is it?" A second, then "What?!?! What do you mean 'they escaped?!?!'" Five seconds more "Find them!! I don't care how!!!" Two seconds "It's shouldn't be so much of a problem! They're from the twentieth century - they'd be totally lost here!!!" While Donald was talking, Yuri left hand drifted to her collar. Wainwright was paying attention to Kei. Yuri touched her earring communicator, hoping Mughi would listen in. At the same time, she was reaching for the one weapon neither Donald nor the professor knew she had. "...I don't care, just find them!!" Donald snapped. "Report when you've eliminated them!" He slammed the vidphone on the desk. Wainwright was distracted enough by the noise for Yuri to act. She flipped her wrist, and the Bloody Card sailed forth. The strip of tengoid metal streaked through the air, slashing Donald's exposed wrist. The heir cried out in pain, causing Wainwright to spin around and look. Kei reacted immediately, slamming her foot into the professor's outstretched hand. That was knocked up into the path of the Bloody Card, and Wainwright got a viscous cut from the razor edge. The professor dropped the electromag, which was scooped up by Kei as the Card returned to Yuri's hand. Kei trampled over Wainwright and delivered a savage uppercut to Donald's chin. To ensure the scientist would not cause further trouble, Yuri rabbit-punched him in the face. The Lovely Angels, with Alice and Jennifer, sprang into the bedroom. Kei reached down and scooped up her insensate mother from the floor. Yuri grabbed their weapons and passed Kei's particle gun to Alice. Yuri tapped her communicator "Mughi!" The cat growled over the line. "Start the 'Angel' up!!! We're bustin' outta this place!!" Mughi howled in delight and cut the transmission. The four women ran into the main foyer and out the front door. Running down the stairs at top speed, they scrambled into the hovercar and, with Kei driving, sped off from the castle. "Kei, we have to destroy Wainwright's lab!" Yuri snapped. "I know, I know!!" Kei yelled back. "We'll worry about that when we're on our way!!!" * * * Feeling in good enough shape, Rick and Dipsy jogged the three kilometres to Hangar Seven in under fifteen minutes. They had to scale over a closed fence, which was no problem since it had no electrical defenses. Walking up to the huge structure, they tried to find an access door inside. There was none on the front face of the building, so the two men ran around both sides to the back. There was a single door, which was locked. The two men tried forcing the door open, but it would not budge. "Terrific!!" Rick snapped. "Now I wished we had that gun!!" "Now what?" Dipsy asked. Rick shrugged, then knocked on the door. The noise of hollow steel was transmitted through the air to an external sensor on the "Lovely Angel." The sensor relayed the noise to the ship's computer, and alerted Mughi. The bear-cat looked at the readout in confusion, then, suspecting it was Kei and Yuri, let down the gangway. Mughi ran out of the ship and went to the back door. With a flash of his claws, the doorknob was ripped away, and it came open. Before Mughi could do anything else, a hand grabbed the door and flung it all the way. Two men tore into the hangar - and ran over Mughi. The big animal howled in pain as his tail and body were trampled on. Rick and Dipsy tripped over Mughi and the three collapsed in a heap on the hangar floor. "What the hell...?!?!" Rick yelled. "I say!" Dipsy snapped. "What the deuce is this?" "Dunno!" Rick tried to get back on his feet. "Feels like some sort of animal!" Dipsy fumbled back towards the door, and found a lightswitch. Turning the light on, he turned about and looked directly into Mughi's face. Dipsy screamed out in shock at the alien sight, which caused Mughi to panic as well. The big bear- cat fell back, nearly running over Rick in the process. "Get offa me!!!" Rick snapped, and tried to kick out with his legs. The two ended up in a heap on the ground. "Oh, nicely done!" Dipsy shook his head. "Damn thing weighs a ton!!" Rick groaned. To Mughi, Dipsy asked "Er...do you mind getting off my friend?" Responding to the quiet tone, Mughi complied. Rick moved into a sitting position as the Angels' pet moved up and began sniffing him. Rick looked over at the droopy face, and scratched Mughi's forehead. The big cat purred in delight - it was his favourite spot. "I say?" Dipsy asked. "Is this the 'Lovely Angel?'" Mughi looked at Dipsy and nodded. Rick looked around and up to take in the view. "Wow!!! Whatta hotrod!!" "Where, then, may I ask, are Miss Kei and Miss Yuri?" Dipsy added. Mughi shrugged. At that moment, the ship's communication system picked up a transmission from Kei. It relayed the message to outside speakers. "Mughi?!?!" The big cat growled in response. "We're at the airport perimeter!" Kei reported. "Get the ship moving!!" Mughi howled in response, then bounded back to the "Angel." "That's our ticket outta this place!!" Rick hopped to his feet. The two men followed Mughi into the "Angel." They collapsed into the cockpit as Mughi pressed controls to start the engine. The whine of repulsorlifts filled the ship as she began to levitate in the air. A signal sounded off. "'Lovely Angel,' this is Nova Albion Traffic Control. Ye've not been granted take-off clearance!!" Rick looked around and asked "Where's the channel?" Mughi pressed the response control. "Nova Albion Traffic Control, this is 'Lovely Angel.' We've gotta leave now, so, if you don't mind, would you please open the hangar doors." "'Lovely Angel,' yuir prohibited from departure," the controller responded. "On whose orders?!" Dipsy asked. "Mister Donald Stuart." "Well, would you be so kind as to put Mister Stuart on please," Dipsy snapped. The communication board went silent. Rick looked at Mughi "Does this thing have any weapons?!" The Angels' pet growled in response, and thumbed a trigger. On the ship's underbelly, a missile rack popped open. Two air- to-surface missiles flew out. They impacted on the hangar doors, disintegrating them. With the way now clear, Mughi guided the "Lovely Angel" out of the hangar and into the open air. Once outside, the two men in the cockpit noticed a hovercar was waiting for them. "Mughi!" Kei's voice barked over the communications board. "Open the hatch!" Mughi responded immediately, and the gangway was lowered. The five people in the hovercar got out and ran into the ship. A second later, Kei, Yuri, Alice, Jennifer and Elizabeth entered the cockpit. Kei was the first to notice the two other people there. "What're you guys doin' here?!?!" "Looking for you," Rick responded. "Nice time period you people live in." "Yes," Dipsy got up to allow Yuri to sit down. "Is it normal for visitors to face assassination attempts when they come to this place?!" "Not really," Kei sat down in the co-pilot's seat. "But then again, it's not normal for people to be dragged through a timewarp from the twentieth century to the twenty-second!" The "Lovely Angel" soared into the air. Once at a decent altitude, Yuri guided the ship over to where Professor Wainwright's laboratory was located. As it came into view, Yuri armed several more missiles and sent them off. Two seconds later, they impacted on the mountaintop, utterly destroying it. "Nice shot!" Kei smiled. Looking back, she asked "Mom, does Wainwright have any other labs around the place?" "There's a small one at the castle," Elizabeth shook her head. "But I dinnae think it would have anything of value!" "Can't take the chance!" Kei sighed. "Where is it?" "In the south-west tower," Alice spoke out. Yuri guided the ship around to bear on the castle. In a wink, the south-west tower, along with a good portion of the castle itself, disintegrated into dust. Once that was done, Yuri sent the ship into orbit. The communications board came on. "'Lovely Angel,' come in." "Donald?!?!" Kei snapped. "You won't get away with this!!!" Donald growled. "Destroying a clan-sponsored laboratory and a good section of the castle!!" He chuckled, then rubbed it in "Dirty Pair!" "That's 'Lovely Angels' to you, jerk!!" Kei yelled. "Besides, I don't see what you're laughing about!" Yuri added. "We've wrecked your labs and destroyed the timegate mechanism!" "Oh, I wouldn't be relaxing if I were you," Donald snickered. "What is destroyed can be rebuilt!" "Not if the 3WA has anything to say about it!" Kei snapped back. "I wouldn't think so," Donald burst out laughing. Rick, listening in on the conversation, had enough of Donald's arrogance. He spoke out "Hey, jerk!!" "Who's this?" "Sergeant Rick Thomas of the Canadian Forces," Rick responded. "You know, one of the two guys your little toy dragged here!" "Yes?" "I've got some advice for ya." "And that is?" "Watch your back," Rick chuckled. "One day, either Dipsy or I'll be there, and you'll have a knife or gun to contend with!" Donald laughed out loud. "I won't worry, then!" "Why not?" Kei asked. "Because your two friends were not treated for radiation poisoning," Donald laughed. "They'll be dead within five days!! Farewell, Dirty Pair!" He cut off the transmission. "Lovely Angels!!!" Kei and Yuri screamed. "Uh-oh!" Rick gulped. To Kei, he asked "I trust there's a medical facility somewhere nearby?" Kei looked at Yuri "Optima?" Yuri nodded "It's our only chance." "What's that?" Dipsy asked. "A Lucien Genetics research laboratory," Yuri explained, forgetting the fact Rick or Dipsy would not know what that meant. Looking at the computer, she said "We can be there in four hours." "Do it!" Kei nodded. "I'll call Goulet and tell him what happened!" As the "Lovely Angel" leapt into hyperspace, Kei turned around and looked at her mother "Some family reunion, huh?" * * * Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER SIX - INCIDENT AT CRYSOSTOME "Are you leaving?" Jennifer asked. Half a day after leaving Nova Albion, the "Lovely Angel" sat secured alongside Optima Station. This place, a O'Neil class station similar to the Kalevela, was the main research complex for Lucien Genetics, one of the ten largest businesses in the United Galactica. The Angels came here since Optima's scientists were the most learned in the field of genetic engineering. Rick and Dipsy had been rushed into emergency treatment for the doses of gamma and delta radiation they had taken while passing through the timegate. While they waited, Kei and Yuri put in an updated report to Goulet on what happened on Nova Albion. Both girls were hoping that the DCA would send them back to Nova Albion to settle business with Donald Stuart and Albert Wainwright. The Angels were now about to board their ship to receive their new orders. "Yeah," Kei sighed. "We left one hell of a mess back on Nova Albion. Besides, I'm worried about the threat Donald made about another timegate apparatus." "There was only the one lab," Alice nodded. "After ye levelled the place, I dinnae think that Wainwright or Donald'll have the chance to make another of those infernal machines for the time being." "For everyone's sake, I hope so," Yuri said. Looking at Jennifer, she asked "What happens now that Mary's dead?" "Donald's head of the clan," Jennifer shrugged. "Not much people can do about it." "Even if he murdered his grandmother?" "It's the old story," Jennifer sighed. "It's your word against his. And I'll tell you this -your reputation doesn't give your case much hope." "Damn!!" Kei swore. "I'll see that bastard dead if its the last thing I do!!" "Get in line," Alice cracked. At that moment, Elizabeth walked up with Doctor Yoshi Taneka, the director of Optima. Taneka was one of the five leading geneticists in the galaxy, who trained under the legendary Albert Lucien, the founder of the genetic firm of the same name. The doctor was a short man, barely up to Yuri's chest, with near black eyes and solid silver hair. "What's the news, Doctor?" Kei asked. "Very good," Taneka nodded. "Mister Thomas and Mister Doolittle have a very good chance of recovery. As per the 3WA's request, they are being genetically enhanced to the 5B system." "Great!" Kei smiled. The Lucien 5B genetic system was the genetic upgrade 3WA trouble consultants were enhanced to upon joining. "There is a small problem, however," Taneka sighed. "That is?" "Well, Mister Thomas and Mister Doolittle are both from the late twentieth century. In evolutionary terms, they're a century and a half behind us, notwithstanding the genetic upgrading done. I would like to propose a further upgrade." "To what?" Yuri asked. "What we tenitavely call the 10B-X system," Taneka guided the Angels to a nearby computer outlet. Typing in commands, he explained further "The 10B-X is a combination cybernetic-genetic system that would transform your two friends into the ultimate super-soldier." "What improvements are you talking about?" Kei asked. "Enhanced eye, ear and nasal sensory apparatus. Tengoid metal sheathing of the bones. Continued enhancement of muscular, cardiovascular and respiratory systems to 7G levels - the highest currently offered. Sheathing the inner epidermis with anti-NBC defenses. Internal respiratory screening against gaseous CB agents or fallout. Finally, a combat computer mated to the inner mind, which will allow them micro-second reaction timing, and hand-touch relay linkups in the fingertips to access computers." "Why not microsoft plugs?" Yuri asked. Almost everyone in the United Galactica had special cybernetic microsoft plug-ins behind each ear. This alleviated the necessity of mouse or keyboard systems. "Plugs are vulnerable to outside interference," Taneka replied. "Tell me about it," Kei sighed, remembering an ugly incident during the Kalevela case. "Does Rick or Dipsy know what you want to do?" "I have talked it over with them," the scientist nodded. "They seemed willing to undergo the operation - depending, of course, on 3WA support." "We'll ask Administrator Goulet," Kei nodded. "I'm sure you'll get approval for it." "Very good," Taneka nodded. "We'll commence preparations." "How long with this all take?" Yuri asked. "The surgery will take two days. Another five for cellular regeneration. Once that's done, we can turn them over to the 3WA for field testing." "We'll tell him that, also." "Good. Then you'll be leaving for Shimogu?" "No," Kei shook her head. "We're going either to Nova Albion or Crysostome." "Ah, yes, the robbery," Taneka nodded. "Well, then, good luck to the both of you." With that, he turned about and returned to the laboratory section. The five women proceeded to the "Lovely Angel." "What will you do?" Kei asked her mother. "We'll go to Niogi," Elizabeth sighed. "There, we'll wait with your father until you go back to Nova Albion and settle this business with Donald." "Yeah!" Kei sighed, the harrowing experiences of the last day weighing heavily on her shoulders. Mother and daughter embraced and farewells were made. The Angels then boarded their ship and began manoeuvres for departure. In five minutes, the "Angel" was underway from Optima. At that time, a signal was received from Goulet. "What's up, Chief?" Kei asked. "You're not allowed to return to Nova Albion," the DCA explained. "Donald?" "I suppose," he shrugged. "The planetary president accuses you two of destroying a laboratory and part of Castle Stuart without provocation." "Figures!" Yuri snapped. "Will another team be sent there." Goulet shook his head. "No. Nova Albion has withdrawn from the 3WA charter. Legally, we cannot go there on official business." "So now what?" Kei asked. "We wait. In the meantime, I've gotten a call from Doctor Taneka regarding your friends. Approval for experimental 10B-X upgrading was given by the Brigadier." "Finally! Some good news!" Yuri sighed. "What about us?" "You're off to Crysostome," Goulet nodded. "Deputy Director Grissholm will meet you there and explain what happened." "Got it!" Kei smiled. "'Lovely Angel,' out and on our way." "Good luck!" the DCA smiled before cutting the transmission. * * * A day later, the ship assumed orbit over Crysostome Station. Unlike Optima, Crysostome was a twin-wheel type station in orbit over a dead planet in a very remote part of the galaxy. This location was chosen to serve both as the headquarters of Lucien Genetics and as a storage facility for top secret work. Once in orbit, the ship received a standard hail from the traffic control centre. Kei activated the viewscreen to hear a crisp male voice state "Approaching ship, this is Crysostome Traffic Control. Come in please." The image on the screen solidified immediately into the face of a young man dressed in Lucien coveralls, the name 'Mitch' stitched on his breast. Kei was attracted to him immediately - one of her greatest failings was that she was an impossible flirt - and responded "Crysostome Control, this is 'Lovely Angel.' Go ahead." "Registration code, callsign and homeport, please," Mitch responded. Kei smiled, then said "Okay, Crysostome. Registration code is 3WA23416R. Callsign is Amor. Homeport is the headquarters 3WA on Shimogu." "Roger," Mitch's eyes cast down to his keyboard. Kei glanced at Yuri, expecting that this guy would be like the rest, and panic when he found out they were the Dirty Pair. A *ding!* was head, but this time, Mitch looked up and asked "Did you say 'Lovely Angel?'" "Er...yes," Kei looked at him in confusion. "*The* Lovely Angels?!?!" "Yes," Kei smiled. Mitch's looks transformed, first from surprise to complete astonishment and then to something the Angels rarely saw from anyone - total hero worship! "Wow!!!" he exhaled. Kei managed a smile back. "The Lovely Angels!! Man, I've always wanted to meet you two!" "Where did you hear of us?" Yuri interjected. "I'm from Pacifica, and well, my father was one of the big- shots in charge at the time, you know, when you two visited us to help with that bio-weapons case...you do remember, don't you?!" Mitch looked between Kei and Yuri. Kei glanced quickly at her partner, Yuri nodded in return. The bio-weapons case on Pacifica was on of the Angels better efforts - meaning very little collateral damage or civilian casualties. "Thank you," Yuri nodded. "That was one of our better cases." "Tell me about it!" Mitch shook his head. "I mean, when Dad told me that the 'Dirty Pair' was visiting...I mean, he was in a major panic!! Then you two show up, clean out the problem, and except for that ruckus downtown, no one gets hurt!" Kei smiled again. "Well, much as we would like to discuss this, we haven't the time. We have business here. So, if you don't mind, can we get our docking clearance, please." "Oh...oh, yeah!" Mitch remembered. "Sorry about that." He looked down on his deskboard. "You're clear for Dock Seven." "Thanks," Kei nodded. "See you later." "Count on it!" Mitch smiled, then cut the transmission. "Talk about a small galaxy!" Yuri exclaimed. "This job's gonna be easy!" Kei flashed her partner a thumbs-up. They proceeded to dock the "Lovely Angel" at the designated bay. * * * The Lovely Angels entered Traffic Control's reception area, where Mitch was waiting. "ID, please," he shrugged, as if saying "Sorry, but this is a formality." Both girls smiled as they fished their ID cards out of their tops. Mitch did not give them a second glance "Thank you." "Someone was supposed to meet us?" Yuri asked. "A moment, please," Mitch turned around to his deskpad. "They're here." "We're on our way," a woman's voice responded. Several minutes later, two men and a woman walked into the reception lounge. They were dressed in Lucien Genetics power suits. The woman asked "Miss Kei? Miss Yuri?" "That's us," Kei nodded. "Welcome to Crysostome Station," the woman smiled. She was in her late twenties, with blond hair and blue-green eyes. "I'm Mary Grissholm, deputy director of Lucien and supervisor of Crysostome. These," she indicated to the two men beside her, "are my assistants, Peter Scott and Hugh Gilbert." Greetings and handshakes were exchanged. "Why is it that you asked for us?" Yuri inquired immediately. "And why did you call us here without giving any information as to what happened?" "I apologize for the secrecy, ladies, but the incident that prompted our contacting the 3WA necessitated it." With that, Mary lead Kei and Yuri out of the reception lounge and to an elevator. Once inside the car, she began to explain the problem at hand... Lucien Genetics was currently engaged in the development of a new genetic upgrading system - the 8A-X. It was still in the testing stages. Three weeks before, one of the storage bays at Crysostome was broken into, and the materials for the 8A-X, which had recently arrived from Optima and other Lucien research labs, were stolen. The Angels began to think. Yuri spoke out first "It could possibly be terrorists." "Or industrial espionage," Kei nodded. "Mary, did anyone get pictures of the intruders?" "Unfortunately, no," Hugh spoke out. "Whoever planned this job must have had inside help." "Have you done a security check?" "On everyone," Peter nodded. "Everyone checked clean." "Records may have been altered to throw people off the scent," Yuri mused as the elevator car arrived at the lowermost storage level. "They may have not needed inside help, anyway," Kei nodded as the group walked out and down the hall. "Mary, how's the security here." "Not very good," the deputy director shook her head. "The security of Crysostome is provided by its remoteness from the rest of the galaxy. Supporting a massive security contingent here was seen by the board of directors as a waste of time and money." "They'll probably reconsider that," Hugh sighed. "Ah! Here we are." The group arrived at a large hatchway marked STORAGE AREA 7A - TOP SECRET. The door did not appear to have been forced, nor was there indications of foul play. Peter keyed the controls and the doors silently parted. The Angels walked in to see a large cargo storage area filled with boxes, containers and other objects. A fine coat of dust was on the floor, criss-crossed with a multitude of footprints. There were clear spots on the floor - where the missing equipment seemed to have been taken. "Let's take a look," Kei walked inside. Before she could say or do anything else, a hissing noise drew the Angels' attention to the floor. From behind them, rolled three metal canisters, each spewing a green cloud. "Knockout gas!!" Yuri screamed. It was too late - the two women passed out immediately. * * * Kei regained consciousness sometime later. Carefully, she looked around. Both Lovely Angels were still in Storage Area 7A. Their hands were bound by electrocuffs behind their back. Their weapons were missing. Becoming aware of voices, Kei moved herself around to see who was talking. Lining all sides of the room was a mixed bag of robots, mercs and other riff-raff that would be expected whenever incidents like this happened. In addition, Mary, Peter and Hugh - Kei assumed they were androids - stood inhumanly still off to one side. In the direction of Kei's feet stood three people - a "smiley" mech, an elderly gentleman and a woman. The elderly man noticed that his prisoners were awake "Ah, the infamous Dirty Pair have returned to the land of the conscious." "Who are you?" Kei snapped. "I?!" he pointed to himself. "Ah! My apologies, Miss Kei. I seemed to have forgotten my manners. My name is Kirkpatrick. Professor Edward Kirkpatrick." Walking about, he continued "You may not know of me, Miss Kei, but I do believe you are familiar with my work." "And that is?" Yuri asked. "My work, Miss Yuri, is genetic engineering - specifically the construction of artificial bio-organic constructs. I do believe the *gauche* term 'bioroid' is used instead of the more proper title." "Bio...?!" Kei gasped. *Now* she remembered where she heard the professor's name. "You're the one that was in charge of the project...!!" "That's right, Kei," the woman beside Kirkpatrick turned around. "Shasti!" Yuri gasped. The first - and only - bioroid trouble consultant to date, Shasti had worked with the Angels on a mission three years before. The mission - to intercept a dangerous criminal named Lacombe - ended in total disaster, with Shasti turning renegade, her partner Deidre Hollander dead, and the Angels severely wounded. That, along with the enormous expense of Shasti's creation, forced the 3WA to cease further research into the use of bioroids as trouble consultants. "Why do you want us?" Kei asked. "Why?" Kirkpatrick answered. "Revenge, Miss Kei! Pure and simple revenge." "Against who?" Yuri asked. "Us?" Kirkpatrick shook his head. "Oh, no, not against yourselves in particular. Oh, no! I'm after a larger target than just one trouble consultant team." He became thoughtful "Although, I suspect most of the galaxy wouldn't mind my eradicating you two. You've brought a considerable amount of suffering and destruction to date. The target I'm after is a group that allowed me to fulfil my fondest dreams - and then turned around and ruined me when they refused to listen to my advice!!" Kei was thinking as the professor spoke. It suddenly dawned on her what he might want. He was not after the Lovely Angels. Kirkpatrick was after the entirety of the 3WA - lock, stock and barrel! "You couldn't take on the 3WA, Kirkpatrick!" Yuri spat out in echo of Kei's thoughts. "Oh, couldn't I?!" the professor responded. "I can, Miss Yuri! Indeed, I can!" "How?" Kei asked. "That, my dear, would be telling," Kirkpatrick laughed. "But, to start off, I'll need your ship!" "Good luck," Kei snickered, knowing that Mughi would not allow anyone onboard the "Lovely Angel." "You must be referring to your delightful pet," the professor spoke out. "Rest assured, he will not be harmed - however, I cannot allow him to interfere." "Wha...?!" Kei looked about as a loud *thump!* caught her attention. The Lovely Angels spun around to see Mughi's unconscious form ten feet away. And standing beyond him - was Kei and Yuri!!! "Ohmigod!" Yuri moaned. The new Lovely Angels were dressed exactly as the real ones were - in modified 3WA trouble consultant uniforms. They had the same uniform colour, the same gun belts - the Yuri double even had a Bloody Card tucked under her armpit! "Who're they?!" Kei looked back at Kirkpatrick. "Bioroids, of course," he laughed. "Exactly the same as Shasti. Ingenious, wouldn't you say?!" He waved to them "Off with you." "Yes, Professor," the Kei bioroid nodded. The doubles walked out of the room, with the doubles of the three Lucien Genetics personnel following them. Yuri watched them leave, then asked "What happens to us?" "You'll become our guests for the time being," Kirkpatrick smiled. "Shasti insisted on it!" "So she could kill us?" Kei snarled. "Heavens, no!" the professor recoiled. "Ah, I see where your confusion lies!" "You recommended against the tetrad program," Yuri nodded. "When you ran into Shasti again, you corrected it." "That's right, Yuri," Shasti smiled. "I'm not crazy, any more." The Angels sighed in relief. The tetrad program was a special wetware system that gave Shasti a considerable advantage over other trouble consultants. Essentially, there were four separate personalities linked together by a central core. Kirkpatrick objected to such a system being outfitted in his creation - he warned that the potential for induced schizophrenia was many times more than if Shasti was fitted with a monrad (single mind) system. When the thought patterns of Lacombe was inserted prior to her final mission, Shasti's mind was overwhelmed by the input. The results, as the Angels knew well, were catastrophic. Yuri had always been somewhat sympathetic to Shasti's plight. "I'm glad, Shasti...I really am." "Thanks," Shasti nodded. "Well," Kirkpatrick sighed. "I apologize for interrupting your reunion, but my supporters also want to see you." He looked over to the smiley mech standing behind them "Would you be so kind to take these ladies to the ship. Ensure Traffic Control doesn't notice." "Yes, Professor," the mech nodded. "What about that....thing?" he nodded to Mughi. "Leave him," Shasti sighed. "He won't bother us." Looking back at Kei and Yuri, she added "He should be all right." * * * Mitch was having a confusing watch. First, there was the arrival of the legendary Lovely Angels - he never thought of them as the 'Dirty Pair.' He took a liking to them on the spot, especially Kei - he was always a softy around redheads. Miss Grissholm and her two assistants showed up and escorted the Angels to the lower storage areas. An hour later, Kei and Yuri returned, stating something was wrong with their pet. Two minutes after that, they returned with an unconscious Mughi in tow. Twenty minutes after *that,* the Angels returned to the reception lounge. Kei told him they were going to another part of the system to carry on their investigation. Five minutes after that, Miss Grissholm, her two assistants and an elderly gentleman walked out. The deputy director explained they were proceeding to a worksite in another system. At the end of his shift, Mitch was signing off his deskboard. A scream echoed through the reception area "Stop!!! Stop that ship!!" "Wha...?!?!" Mitch turned towards the reception lounge entrance to see Miss Grissholm running towards the gates!! Except for bra and panties, she was naked!!! "Miss Grissholm, what the heck...?!?!" Running up to the desk, Mary asked "Did you see me leave?!?!" "Er...yes!! An hour ago!!!" "With who?!?!" "Mister Scott, Mister Gilbert and an elderly gentleman! He looked familiar!" "Elderly?!?!" Mary wondered aloud. "Oh, no!" To Mitch "Was he very tall, with silver hair, handlebar mustache and talked in a slight British accent?!" "Yeah, that's him!" Mitch gasped. "Isn't that...?!" "Edward Kirkpatrick!!!" Mary snapped. "Shit!!" "But he quit two years ago!!" "I know, I know!!" Mary paced in front of the desk. "Where're the Lovely Angels?!?!" "They left...!" Mitch moaned. "Ten minutes or so before...er...*you*...did!" "Oh, no! They must've been sent on a wild goose chase!!" "When they left, they were acting a bit odd," Mitch spoke up. "Odd?!?!" Mary looked mystified. Thinking for a second, she nodded "They might have been kidnapped!" "Kidnapped?!" Mitch asked, completely baffled. "Yeah! Knowing Kirkpatrick, those doubles of Hugh, Peter and I were bioroids. I wouldn't put it past him if he made bioroids of the Angels, too!!" "So what do we do?!" Mary sighed "Call the 3WA. Tell them we suspect that the people currently manning the Lovely Angels' ship could be bioroid doubles - sent to do God-knows-what! I want security to examine all the storage areas for clues. When that's done, tell the security chief to make a full report - we'll send that off the Shimogu." "Will the 3WA send another TC team?" Mitch asked. "I hope so," Mary sighed. "God, I hope so!" Mitch turned to his communications board and began transmitting the pertinent information. "Attention, attention. This is Crysostome Station calling 3WA HQ Shimogu. Attention, attention..." * * * Dirty Pair: The Trans-Galactic Case by Fred Herriot 450 Clare Avenue South, Welland, Ontario L3C 3B3 Canada fdh@caffeine.havajava.com **** **** **** edited by E.B. Kushnir **** **** **** Based on the works by Haruka Takachiho **** **** **** WRITER'S NOTES: This story was originally written as a fanzine in January 1993 **** **** **** CHAPTER SEVEN - ENTER...THE KNIGHTS OF SAINT GEORGE "So what's the prognosis, Doc?" Rick asked. It had been over a week since Rick and Dipsy had been brought to Optima to undergo cybernetic-genetic upgrading. The physical surgery lasted two days, and for the past five days, the two soldiers had been attached to cellular regeneration units to heal the scars of surgery. The first part of that saw them covered from head to toe in regeneration fluid. As different parts of the body healed at different rates, some semblance of mobility was returned. Today, eight days after their arrival at Optima, the final parts still in regeneration - the lower arms and legs - saw the regeneration units come off. "It looks good, Mister Thomas," Taneka nodded. There was no scars visible on either men. A fine mat of hair had grown back in all the places it was shaven off - hair was the part of the body that responded the earliest to regen fluid. Picking up a mirror, Rick took a look at his face. When he was serving with the Canadian Forces, he walked about clean- shaven. Now, a fine coat of hair covered his face. Dipsy was in the same shape. "Nice...I'll take it!" he quipped. "Now what happens to us?" Dipsy asked. "We've informed the 3WA of your recovery," Taneka explained. "They'll send a ship in several days to pick you up and take you to their headquarters on Shimogu." "And then...?" "That's up to them," the scientist shrugged. "We've placed all pertinent social, cultural and historical data of the last century in your combat computers. For the first while, it will require a bit of effort to access everything. Eventually, we hope, the reactions will become automatic." "And if there's a threat situation?" Rick asked. "The computer will take over all reflex control should a threat be perceived. You should try not to resist the computer's reaction - it makes the situation far worse." "Got it!" Rick nodded. "Anything else?" "Yes," the scientist reached into his smock to pull out a packet. "Courtesy of the 3WA. They've gotten identification and credit vouchers for you, as well as some UniCreds to spend." He tore open the packet and handed two small wallets to the two men. Flipping open his, Rick noticed that there was a 3WA/UG credit card, one hundred UniCreds in cash, and two ID cards. The first was a United Terra resident card, with his name, sex, height, weight, eye colour, hair colour, blood type, genetic upgrade type, home residence location (given as Lunenburg, Nova Scotia, Canada) and birthdate (1966-04-23). Dipsy's had the same information, except for a different address (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, England) and birthdate (1966-06-09). The two men compared their resident cards, and Rick said "The first thing we buy is a camera. I want to get the looks on people's faces when they see our birthdays!" "You're sick!" Dipsy shook his head. "Why did you decide to go to Nova Scotia?" "Ah, I always wanted to move there. Might buy a boat and live off that," Rick shrugged. At present, neither Rick nor Dipsy had either a home or any other recognizable property. Moving to Nova Scotia would not constitute much of a problem. Taking the other ID card out, Dipsy was aghast to see that it was a blank 3WA card. Looking at Taneka, he asked "What's this?" "Ah! That comes with a message from Administrator Goulet. Legally, you two, until you settle down, are wards of the 3WA. In essence, you're a trouble consultant team - reserve, of course." "A trouble consultant team?!?!" Rick looked at Taneka in shock. "We aren't even trained?!" "The 3WA consider you 'partially trained' - I assume because of your infantry background." "Does that mean we go on missions?" Dipsy asked. "No, of course not!" Taneka shook his head. "But it means you won't get hassles at custom stations." "Oh, terrif'!" Rick sighed. "We can add your pictures and place your codenames on the cards if you want." "Yeah, go ahead!" Rick sighed, laying back onto the bed. Taneka walked out. "What on Earth's your problem?" Dipsy asked. "We're being suckered, Dips." "How so?" "Simple! I've seen it a thousand times before! The 3WA's a government agency, and in us, they see new recruits...so they go, sponsor special upgrades, make us their 'wards,' and in the end, we end up working for them!!" "I see no problem with that!" Dipsy stood. "From what I understand of a trouble consultant's job description, it may be the only trade open for us at the present time." "Yeah, I suppose. But, I wish we would've had some time to think about it." "True," Dipsy nodded. "Oh, by the way, what code-name should we take?" "Huh? Whattayamean?" "Code-name. You know, like 'Lovely Angels.'" "I don't get it." "Well, Doctor Taneka did inform us that we were in essence reserve trouble consultants. A TC team *always* gets a code- name. So what name should we take?" "Mmmmm....good question," Rick mused. "Should be something that identifies our origin....I know! 'The Anglo-Saxon Patrol!'" "Too out of date," Dipsy shook his head. "Well, I want to infer our Englishness." Rick fell silent for a second, then said "We should put something chivalrous in the name." "Okay...'Knight'-something...I got it!" Dipsy sat down. "Knights of Saint George. He was the patron saint of England...and by extension English Canada." "Sounds good!" Rick nodded. "Knights of Saint George, it is." He reached over to the intercom and signalled Taneka's office. "Yes?" the doctor responded. "There's a slot on the ID card for a code-name. Make ours 'Knights of Saint George' - spell out 'Saint.' Okay?" "It'll be done," Taneka nodded. Ten minutes later, a nurse returned with the 3WA ID cards. On each was a holographic representation of Rick and Dipsy on a clear field. On the card itself was the team number (R738), each man's civil service number (Rick's was 772109R, Dipsy's was 772110R), Rick's first name and Dipsy's nickname and the team name. The nurse left as the newly-christened Knights put away their IDs in their wallets. "Maybe you're right, Dips," Rick mused. "I might come to like this." "It's our only option for the time being," Dipsy shrugged. Before anyone could say anything else, an explosion shook Optima station. * * * Two minutes earlier... In the Operations Centre, a traffic control technician picked up several blips on a radar screen, indicating incoming traffic. One of the sensor contacts was a 120-metre class frigate, the others were 40-metre mini-scouts. Thinking it might be a stray UG Space Police patrol, the technician turned on the communications system, and said "Optima Traffic Control to approaching squadron. Please identify yourself." The approaching starships remained silent as they kept on their intercept course. The technician turned to his companion and asked "Can you get a clear ID on them?" "Trying," the second technician typed out identification commands into the ECM board. "Who are they?" the traffic supervisor asked. "Checking it out, now, sir," the first technician reported. To the communications board, he repeated his hail. "Oh, God, no!!!" the second technician gasped in blind horror. "What is it?!" the supervisor asked. "I've got positive IDs on the targets!!" the technician's face went white. "The large ship is the 'Queen Anne's Revenge!!' Smaller vessels are the raiders 'Bartholomew Roberts,' 'Calico Jack Rackham,' 'William Kidd,' 'Anne Bonney' and 'Thomas Tew!!!' All privateers registered out of Purgatory Station!!!!" "'Queen Anne's Revenge?!?!'" the supervisor gasped. "Isn't that...?!?!" "Yes, sir!!!" the technician numbly nodded. "Blackbeard's flagship!!" "Incoming missiles!!!!" the first technician screamed. "Defense screens up!!" the supervisor snapped. "Aye, sir, they're up!" the technician thumbed a toggle. "Should I bring the station to Alert One status?" "Do it! And send out a call to any UGSP, UGSF or 3WA ship in the area!!! Tell them we need help and we need it NOW!!!" "Yessir!!" the technician turned on the radio. At that moment, the missile volley from the "Queen Anne's Revenge" slammed into Optima's defense screens. * * * The lights in the Knights' room went dim for a second, then came back on. The shaking from the missile volley ended a second later. The intercom sounded off with an alert klaxon and a panicked voice "Attention, attention!!! Incoming pirate raiders!!! All non-essential personnel to escape stations!!!" "Pirates?!?!" Rick looked up in stunned disbelief. "In this day and age?!" "So what do we do?" Dipsy calmly asked. "We go to the escape stations!" Rick shrugged. "No weapons, no equipment...we're less than useless!" Dipsy sighed as he followed Rick out the door. Before either man could step through the doorway, another missile volley slammed into the station's outer shields. At the same time, the intercom sounded off with a strange noise - a dirge-like wail akin to the winds of Lake Superior during the November gales, brought to terrifying life by Gordon Lightfoot in 1975 with the song "Wreck of the 'Edmund Fitzgerald.'" "Is someone trying to tell us something?" Rick asked. A voice burst over the intercom, sounding like the typical twentieth-century version of a pirate captain. "This is Captain Edward Teach speakin' to ye!! There'll be no one enterin' the escape pods!!! All my ships have orders to blow up any pod ejectin' from the station! Stand ye fast and prepare to be boarded!!" The defense shields collapsed under additional volleys from the "Revenge" and several of the smaller ships. When it was confirmed the station was defenceless, the large raider slid alongside one of the docking arms. Automatic computer controls within Optima, sensing a ship was about to dock, extended the arm out to the privateer's hull and latched on the docking port on the ship's side. "Teach?!" Rick wondered aloud. "Sounds familiar?" "It should, if you've studied early eighteenth century pirates," Dipsy mused. "According to Daniel Dafoe, Edward Teach was the pirate captain known as Blackbeard." "That's right!" Rick nodded. "Sheesh! Now, we've got modern pirates to contend with!!" "Worse than terrorists any day of the week!" Dipsy shook his head. "So, now what?" "We get outta here!" Rick shrugged, walking out the door. "How? I'm still figuring it out!" * * * At the main docking hatch, a group of Lucien Genetics security personnel stood poised with weapons ready to repel an attack from the "Queen Anne's Revenge." The hatch doors silently parted, and the security supervisor yelled "Fire!!!" Bolts of particle and laser energy burst forth and filled the tunnel with a dazzling array of light and sound. The security personnel maintained their fire for a minute before the supervisor yelled "Cease fire!" Weapons powered down as the security personnel scouted the tunnel for any signs of their defense being effective. The tunnel was empty. "What the...?!" the supervisor wondered aloud. At that moment, the inner hatch on the "Revenge's" hull popped open and four canisters flew out. They landed inside the station and a white-gold cloud of gas spewed forth. "Gas!!" the supervisor cried out, but the canisters emptied their deadly load in seconds. Within ten seconds, the room filled from floor to ceiling with the gas. Twenty seconds later, the gas dispersed, leaving the security team unharmed - to the naked eye. The pirate ship's hatch opened, and a stream of pirates ran through the tunnel into the station. Everyone was dressed in coveralls with a black flag on the chest - a flag showing a white horned skeleton pointing a spear at a red heart. They all wore gas masks, and were essentially covered from head to toe. Once inside the station, they passed the unmoving security contingent and formed up in a loose defensive circle. The pirate leader looked at a hand-held sensor and said "Clear!" Everyone took off their gas masks. To the security supervisor, the pirate team leader yelled "Shoot yourselves!" The security team turned on each other, and with a quick volley of weapons fire, fell dead to the deck. The pirate team leader brought a wrist-communicator to his face and said "All clear, sir!" "Well done, lad!" the voice of Edward Teach - Blackbeard - came back. "Should I gas the whole station?" "Do it!" the pirate captain yelled. "When everythin's secure, call back." "Aye-aye, sir!!" the pirate team leader nodded. To his men, he yelled "Let's go, lads!!" * * * Inside the central lounge, all of Optima's working personnel anxiously waiting the result of the security team's outcome. The word of Blackbeard's arrival at the station had spread like wildfire through the ranks - the pirate captain's fearsome reputation was legendary in the galaxy. Edward Teach's exploits had been galactic legend for ten years, ever since he and his Purgatory Station shipmates raided several systems near the Sirius cluster. With warp-capable ships, and a well-stocked station, the pirates of the abandoned prison moon of Purgatory were becoming one of the greatest threats to the safety of the United Galactica's inhabitants. For the past seven years, the UG Space Police, the Space Fleet and the 3WA had tried to dislodge the pirates from their secure base. All attempts to date were unsuccessful...that sector of the galaxy seemed to swallow interdiction forces and trouble consultant teams whole. "What's gonna happen, Doctor?" a fellow physician asked Yoshi Taneka. "Will we have to surrender?" "It appears to be our only choice," the station supervisor sighed. Then, a cloud of the white gas began to drift into the lounge. A nurse noticed it first "Ohmigod!!!" Taneka looked up "Good Lord!! That's Galcron-Sigma gas!" People began to panic and move towards the lounge exits. The gas filled the room too swiftly for any successful escape attempt. People were immobilized by the gas within seconds. When the gas cleared, the voice of Edward Teach barked over the intercom "Open the door!!" A nurse moved forward and opened the door to allow several masked pirates inside. Once inside, the pirates checked their equipment, and, with the threat of the gas gone, unmasked. The pirate team leader picked up his communicator and said "All clear, sir! The station's ours!!" "Well done, lads!!" Blackbeard thundered. "I'll be there in a minute! Start securin' the prisoners!!" * * * Several hallways away, the Knights of Saint George were hiding inside an alcove on one of the outer ring corridors. The white gas had passed them by, but the anti-CB defence systems built into their bodies prevented the agent for doing it's work. Rick asked "What is that stuff?" "Galcron-Sigma chemical agent," Dipsy accessed his combat computer. Rick checked his own computer to confirm what Galcron-Sigma was. One of the most terrible chemical agents available, G-S was designed to perform, in effect, a chemical frontal lobotomy on its victims. People hit with the gas were completely deprived of their willpower -the gas was designed to destroy those parts of the brain directing autonomous actions. In effect, they were transformed into living robots, responding to any command given them by an outside agent. "Jesus Christ!!" Rick hissed. "The bastards here didn't have a chance!" "Agreed!" Dipsy sighed. "Now what?!" "We get offa this tub!!" Rick got up. "And I just figured out the way how!" The two men took off down the hallway towards the docking area, where the "Queen Anne's Revenge" was waiting. Ducking behind a wall cabinet, the Knights waited until a procession of pirates, escorting a large man with a mangy black beard - Teach, they assumed - passed through the docking tunnel and into the station innards. Once the procession had passed, all that remained were the dead bodies of the station's security contingent and two pirate guards. The two men were relaxed - they could not possibly suspect resistance from a station hit with G-S gas. "There's two of them and two of us," Rick reported. "Let's pretend we've been hit by the gas," Dipsy suggested. Rick nodded, and they went rigid. Both men fell sideways into the cabinet, making the loud hollow noise of something hittin