The Dirty Pair
			     in
		          MISTAKES

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kei, Yuri, the Dirty Pair, Mughi, the Lovely Angel(s), the Bloody
Card, and probably some other stuff is copyrighted, trademarked, and
otherwise legally protected by someone, meaning my use of them could
in theory get me in a lot of legal trouble if it weren't the fact no
one is going to bother suing me because I'm poor.

Everything else is copyright 1991 by William Barnes (that's me).

	This is my first attempt at a Dirty Pair story.  I
proliferated Ryan Mathews' script-esque style because I liked it,
modified it enough so as not to be so obviously somone else's idea,
and injected far more of my personality than is healthy, natural, or
legal.  I'm basically using the American comic incarnation of the
Dirty Pair mainly because I've read all the comics but I haven't seen
all of the animation (Project Eden, some TV episodes, and 005
Conspiracy are the sum of my DP anime exposure), although this doesn't
mean I won't ever add what I've seen.
	This is probably not stereotypical Dirty Pair but I didn't try
to fit any established molds anyway.  If you like it, that's great.
If not, you didn't pay for it anyway, so what do you care?  If you
have constructive comments, criticisms, praise, excessive sums of
money you're dying to give away, whatever, E-Mail me at:
wbarnes@sura.net
or write me at:
William Barnes
2210 Phelps Road Apt. 106
Adelphi, MD 20783

If you're just going to flame me, don't bother.  You'll just waste
your time and annoy me.  I have college and a job to deal with; I
don't need extra grief.

Scene descriptions, character actions, etc. are encased in [].
Snide comments from the writer are encased in {}.
Comments from the invisible, intangible, immaterial editor {or maybe
just my dark side, I never know for certain} are encased in <>.

<I heard that last remark!>
{So?  Are you paying me to write this?}
<...>
{Didn't think so.  Now shut up and lemme get back to work.}
------------------------------------------------------------------------

			   SCENE 1

[An administrator's office.  Like almost any administrator's
office; big, barren, bright, and overall boring.  The administrator in
question, Mr. Benindict, is standing in front of a window, hands
clasped behind his back, staring straight ahead as sunlight streams
in, reflecting off his glasses.  He resembles Alex Goldin from the
first Dirty Pair miniseries.  {But hey, ALL administrative people look
the same to me.} He appears troubled.]

Benindict: [mumbling to himself] Alright, admittedly they were our
last choice for trouble consultants.  In fact, if there were any way
to exchange them, we would, but the 3WA's decision is final.  And even
THEY can't be as bad as the alternative if we HADN'T petitioned the
3WA.  I mean, it's not like they deliberately ENGAGE in mass genocide,
is it?  [worried and unsure of himself] After all, the fact they're
still working means it hasn't ever been their fault, right?  [looking
like a man desperate for a rational explanation] Besides, think of the
alternatives...  [The intercom on his desk flashes and beeps loudly,
mercifully sparing him.  Startled, he turns around and pushes a
button.  A holo-projection of his secretary's bust <her BUST?!?> {her
head and shoulders, you twit!} appears] Yes, Hitomi?

Hitomi: [a bit pale] The, uhhh, 3WA agents are here to see you, sir.

Benindict: Send them in.  [turning off the intercom, sighs] The point
of no return.

[Switch to Hitomi's office, where, waiting in full uniform {as full as
it gets anyway}, are everybody's favorite trouble consultants, the
Di-uhhh, Lovely Angels.  Hitomi's office is somewhat nicer than
Benindict's {but that's because secretaries are somewhat nicer people}
though smaller.  Yuri is bright-eyed and cheerful, while Kei looks
like she hasn't slept in three days, a situation she appears to be
rectifying standing up.]

Hitomi: [pushes a button which causes the door behind and beside her
to open and tries to fake a pleasant smile] Go right in.

Yuri: Thank you.  [as she and Kei walk into the office, she whispers
to Kei] Good going, Kei.  As if it weren't hard enough to keep you
awake during briefings, you had to party all night.  I TOLD you we
should have left the space station sooner, but ohhhh no-

Kei: [yawning] You're just jealous `cuz I had a date and you didn't.

Yuri: [fuming] Jealous?!  Now listen-

[The door closes, cutting off their conversation.  Hitomi sighes with
relief.  A wandering office mate comes up to her.]

Office Man: Who were those two?!

Hitomi: The 3WA agents Benindict sent for.

Office Man: [his eyes widening] You mean-?!

Hitomi: [nodding] Yup.  They're like death incarnate.  I've heard they
have a terrible temper too, especially when people use
their...nickname.

Office Man: I bet!

Hitomi: [pensively] Still, I'd kill for a body like either one.

Office Man: [leering] So would I!  [Doesn't notice Hitomi getting
mad.]

[Switch back to Benindict's office.  From outside muffled smashes,
shrieks, and shouts can be heard.  Yuri glances back at the door for a
second, then turns her attention to Benindict as he greets them.]

Benindict: Good morning, ladies.  [indicating a sofa] Won't you [Kei
is already sitting down and half-asleep before he finishes] uhhh, sit
down.

Yuri: [stepping on Kei's toes as she sits] Thank you, Mr. Benedict.

[Benindict is trying not to ogle them too obviously, since he's
obvously embarassed, nervous, and a little intimidated.]

Benindict: Benindict.

Kei: [waving an arm lazily, her crushed toe apparently having awakened
her some] Whatever.

Yuri: [shooting Kei a "learn some tact" glance] Sorry, sir.

Benindict: Nono, that's quite alright.  [turning to look back out the
window] As you probably know, Vanaheim has been experiencing a sharp
increase in terrorist activities in the last month or so.  Bombings,
kidnappings, hijackings, over twenty seperate incidents in just this
city alone.  Quite frankly it's proving to be more than our security
forces can handle.

Yuri: Sir, with all due respect, we can't pick up the slack for your
security forces.  There's only so much we can do.

Benindict: [softly] Thank heavens for small favors.

Yuri: [slightly annoyed] Excuse me, sir?

Benindict: [turning to face them] Nothing, nothing.  Ahh, that is, we
don't expect you to.  We have reason to believe that these acts of
terrorism have been perpetrated by a single group called the Disciples
of Cerberus.

Yuri: Disciples of Cerberus?  Odd name for a group of terrorists.

Benindict: Unfortunately their actions are nowhere near as silly as
their name.  They're deadly serious and apparently well-organized and
strong.

Yuri: What do they want?

Benindict: [waving a hand negligently] Oh the usual.  They intend to
overthrow the government in some sort of coup or something it seems.

Yuri: I thought Gaineid's control of Vanaheim had popular support.
Wouldn't that mean they're going against the current, so to speak?

[Kei is starting to nod off, her eyes slowly closing as her head slips
backwards.  Neither Yuri or Benindict seems to notice.]

Benindict: Indeed.  So far they're not a real political threat, but
they're certainly a physical threat.  The Department of Internal
Security - my department - is suffering a severe PR blow, to say the
very least.  Not to mention the civilians killed or injured by their
activities.  All of our previous efforts have been thwarted.  I've
lost five undercover agents already.  They have to be stopped!  That's
where you two come in.

Yuri: I take it you want us to neutralize them.

Benindict: [nodding] Right.  We'll provide you with all the
surreptious support we can, but we can't afford to openly broadcast
your presence.  There's too much of a chance that it will alert the
Disciples.  [to himself] AND cause a public panic.  [to Yuri again]
I've deliberately minimized the number of people who know you're here.

Yuri: That explains the private docking hanger and chauffered limo
this morning.

Benindict: Right.  This mission is extremely vital to us.

Yuri: Don't worry about a thing, sir.  We'll take care of it, right
Kei?  [finally notices she is asleep, elbows her chest]

Kei: OW!  [rubbing her, ahh, "sore spot"] I was resting my eyes!  Oh,
yeah, right, we'll [YAAAAWWWWWNNNN!!] take care of it, no sweat.
[ignoring Yuri's dirty stares]

Benindict: Indeed.  [to the intercom] Damien, could you come in here
for me?  Thanks.  [to the Pair] Damien is one of my Security Forces
team leaders, as well as the one in charge of this investigation.
He'll help you all he can.

Yuri: Thanks, sir, but usually Kei and I prefer to work independently-

[A different door swishes open and Damien enters, wearing a leather
bomber jacket with his teams insignia - a pair of crossed swords -
emblazoned on its chest, jeans, dark glasses {The mark of a truly cool
individual; he can wear shades indoors and not bump into things}, a
utility belt {Just like Batman!  WHONK!  Maybe not...} with a gun
holster, and oddly enough a short sword at his side {or a really big
knife, take your pick}.  Damien is the sort of individual the phrase
"tall, dark, and handsome" was invented for.  Just under two meters
tall with long black hair tied back in a ponytail and a trademark
inscrutable smile that not only implies he knows something no one else
does, but that he finds this hidden cache of knowledge immeasurably
amusing, he exudes natural charisma the way most people sweat.
Needless to say, he attracts women the way most men wish they could
{and wonder why the hell HE has all the luck}.]

Yuri: -of course we're always happy to accept any assistance offered.

Kei: [MUCH more alert now] Oh yeah, anytime, anywhere, anyhow.

[The two trade knowing smiles and winks as Damien salutes Benindict.]

Damien: Yes, sir?

Benindict: At ease, Damien.  These are the 3WA trouble consultants I
told you about last briefing.

Damien: Ah.  Right, sir.  We'll get started right away.  If you two
would [notices their predatory smiles and possessive gleam in their
eyes] uhhh, follow me and I'll show you all our, uhh, data on the
Disciples.

Kei & Yuri: [almost simultaneously] Of course!

Benindict: Good luck to all of you.

Damien: Thank you, sir.

Benindict: [to himself] I hope this isn't the beginning of the end.

[The Pair flank Damien on either side as they exit the office, neither
bothering to return Benindict's farewell, both standing MUCH closer
than necessary.  Damien is slightly discomfited.  They all notice that
Hitomi's office looks like a whirlwind passed through; broken vases,
overturned chairs, office supplies littering the floor, tumbled
plants.  A janitor is just starting to clean up.  Unseen by the trio
is Office Man, sprawled out on the floor behind Hitomi's desk, his
body distorted as only a cartoon can.]

Hitomi: [beaming like sunshine] See ya, Damien.

Damien: [trying to smile as he waves but looking puzzled] Bye, Hitomi.

Hitomi: [under her breath] I definitely wouldn't mind being one of
them.

Office Man: [from floor] G-great.  C-can I w-watch you be-become one?

Hitomi: Shut up, you lecher!  [stomps her foot onto his head,
silencing him]


			   SCENE 2

[The trio are walking through a wide hallway, Kei and Yuri still
flanking Damien, who appears to have adjusted to their presence.]

Kei: [coyly] So have you got any cold, hard facts about these, uhhh-

Yuri: [irritated] Disciples, Kei, Disciples.  Something you would have
known if you hadn't fallen ASLEEP during the briefing.

Damien: [smiling, turning to Kei] You fell asleep?  He's either
desperate for your assistance or scared stiff if he'll let you get
away with that.  Probably both.

Kei: [innocently] Scared?  Of us?  I wonder why...

Yuri: So what do you know about the Disciples?

Damien: [looking forward again] Not much.  Bits and pieces mostly.  We
really don't have much solid evidence on them.  It appears they have
double agents in several government and corporate positions, giving
them info, helping them obtain supplies, stuff like that.  But even
that's mostly conjecture.  Benindict is convinced they're attempting
to overthrow the government, but he's just a paranoid corporate.

Yuri: Isn't he government, not corporate?

Damien: What do you think Vanaheim's government is?  Gaineid,
Vanaheim's parent, is a company; hence, Vanaheim is a company.  On any
corporate world only one thing matters.

Kei: What, the people?

Damien: Gimme a break.  I said this is a corporation, not a charity.
No official is after the Disciples because they're concerned about
human life - except their own, of course - it's just cheaper to take
them out than to clean up after them.  If the Disciples restricted
themselves to protest rallies and letter campaigns, no Vanaheim
official would really give a damn.  But as soon as they interfere with
their profit lines, uh-oh, they're a deadly threat, call in the
security forces!

[Kei and Yuri are both startled by his vehemence and tightly clenched
jaw.]

Yuri: But in the end, they're still doing the right thing, aren't
they?

Kei: Yeah.  These Disciples are still the bad guys, right?  Does it
matter what their real reasons are?  Innocent people are getting
killed, which makes `em a threat, so we take `em out.  [making a
shooting motion with her hand] Piece o' cake.

Damien: [shaking his head sadly] Things aren't that black-and-white,
no matter what Benindict says.  [pause as he notices the Pair's
dubiousness] OK, think about this.  All our evidence seems to indicate
that the Disciples have been around for at least a year, probably much
longer if they've actually penetrated the government and corporations
as far as I suspect they have.  For at least eleven months, they're
quiet, then suddenly they explode into violence.  Why?  They've never
once made any sort of public demands; in fact they've always
deliberately avoided the spotlight.  Why?  Their targets have always
been government or business officials, usually highly placed.  Why?
What are they trying to accomplish?!  [shakes his head and calms down,
then smiles] I'm sorry.  This thing has been gnawing at my gut for the
last month.  I shouldn't take my frustrations out on you two.

Kei: Oh, don't sweat it, happens to us all the time.

Yuri: Yeah.  We should be able to wrap this case up without a hitch
and all your worries will be over.

Damien: I hope so.  [notices someone down the hall wearing a bomber
jacket like his] Would you excuse me a moment?  I need to talk with my
teammate.

Yuri: Of course.

Kei: But don't take too long.

Damien: I'll do my best.

[As Damien heads off his teammate, the Pair talk quietly to themselves]

Yuri: What do you think?

Kei: He's cute.  Better than my date last night, even.  His friend's
not too shabby either.

Yuri: [annoyed] I mean about what he said.  I could tell you thought
he was cute by the drool.

Kei: Yeah, well, I don't see you keeping your distance from him.

Yuri: The case first, him later.

Kei: Since when?  [Yuri gives her the evil eye] OK OK!  I dunno.  What
he says does sound a bit suspicious.  A terrorist group without any
deliberate public exposure?  I think I sense an internal contradiction
here.  <Is her vocabulary expanding?> {Hey, proof they're not just
violent, scantily-clad women!} <Right, they're INTELLIGENT, violent,
scantily-clad women.>

Yuri: That's what I thought.  This should be a pretty clear-cut case,
but still, if he's right...

Kei: Yeah...this might be fun after all!

[Switch to Damien and his teammate Robert, who he has caught up to.
Robert is a tad shorter than Damien, with wavy blond hair that has
that neato hold no real person could achieve {I call it the "Roy
Fokker thang."}.]

Damien: Hey, Robert, wait up!

Robert: [turning around] If it isn't our fearless group leader!

Damien: Can the comedy, Rob, this is serious.

Robert: [severe intake of breath] So are those two!

Damien: Get your mind out of your jockstrap and listen.

Robert: [ignoring him] Aren't they chilly in those bikinis?  {Who
cares?} Maybe I should point the way to the beach for them-

Damien: Look, I've got to deal with those two-

Robert: [finally looks back at Damien] Both of them?!  You hog!  Don't
you know God loves a generous person?  Besides I haven't had a date in
weeks.

Damien: That's because you've already dated all the women on the
planet and you refuse to go out with any of them again.  Or they
refuse to go out with you.  I keep forgetting which.

Robert: All the more reason to, ahhh, suck up to offworlders.
[craning to see over Damien's shoulder] Lord almighty, tell me I've
died and gone to heaven!

Damien: You may just yet.  Those are the 3WA agents Benindict sent
for.  The Lovely Angels.

Robert: You're not kidding!  Waitaminute.  [paling as he shouts] You
mean those two are the-!?!

Damien: [hissing whisper] Shhhh!  Quiet!  They hate that nickname.
I'm not about to die as your shield.  Listen, I'm going to be busy for
a while-

Robert: I'll bet!  [he stops looking pale and grins]

Damien: -so I'm putting you in charge of the squad while I'm gone.

Robert: [sourly] Ahhh, Damien, why do you always leave whenever
ordinance maintenance comes up?  I hate being in charge of the guys
then!

Damien: [smiling] My secret is out!  Anyway, take care.  I'll talk to
you later.

Robert: If you're still alive later.  You have to be the luckiest
bastard on the face of this planet.

Damien: Too bad I don't know if it's good or bad.

Robert: Both, probably.

Damien: Right.  Fate has to balance the scales.

Robert: Of course.  How else do you explain having to escort two of
the most gorgeous, deadly women in the galaxy?  [to himself] I wonder
if I still have that "Buxom Babes" issue?

Damien: Synchronicity.  See ya.

Robert: Right, catch you later.

[Damien heads back to Kei and Yuri while Robert watches, smiling,
before he continues on his way, shaking his head.]

Damien: [to the Pair] Anything important happen while I was gone?

Kei: Nope, nothing-

[A huge, muffled explosion rocks the entire building, knocking the
three of them off their feet.  Ceiling light fixtures crack and
shatter, spilling glass onto the floor.  Sirens blare and red lights
flare.]

Kei: -at all.

Damien: [getting up, dusting himself off, muttering] To think I almost
missed that.  [to Kei and Yuri as he helps both of them up] You two
okay?

Yuri: Nothing damaged but my professional pride.

Kei: Speak for yourself.  [rubbing her sore rump] I hope it doesn't
leave a bruise.

Damien: [smiling] Want me to check for you?

Kei: [innocently] Not right now.  [grinning] Maybe later.

[Damien, still smiling, is listening through a pair of headphones
<where'd they come from?> {who knows, maybe they were already there;
stop bothering me with little details} to incoming reports while Yuri
fixes Kei with a smoky glare, who nonchalantly ignores it.]

Damien: Oh bloody hell.

Kei: What?

Damien: Someone's attacking Data Storage downstairs.

Yuri: Where all your info on the Disciples is, right?

Damien: Bingo.

Kei & Yuri: Huh?!

Damien: Sorry, archaic expression.  You're right.  [drawing a huge
pistol from his hip holster] Let's go.  [indicating the Pair's
weapons] I hope those aren't decorative.

[Kei & Yuri both draw their sidearms, smiling]

Kei: Naw, they're just like us-

Yuri: -beautiful *and* functional.

Damien: [to himself] I'll bet.  [motioning with his hand] C'mon, we'll
take the stairs.

[The Pair follow Damien as they run down the hallway, dodging panicky
civilians and debris, heading for the stairwell]

Kei: See, Yuri, I told you this might be fun!

Yuri: Just don't fall asleep on me, Kei!  I don't want to have to
carry you back to the Lovely Angel!

[As they reach the stairway, Damien yanks open the door and runs
through, the Pair close behind.]

Kei: Don't worry!  Just try not to shoot me!

Yuri: ME!?  You're the one with the misadjusted sights!  Like the time
on Talos-

Kei: I didn't actually hit you and it was an accident and you know it!

Yuri: An accident?!  Do you realize how long it took my hair to
regrow?!

Kei: Oh yeah, well what about the time you almost cut off my ear with
your stupid Bloody Card!

Yuri: It is not stupid!

[As they go down a stairwell, their yelling echoes up out the slowly
closing door, getting fainter and fainter.]

Kei: Is too!

Yuri: Is not!

Damien: [thinking] I need a vacation.


			   SCENE 3

[Kei, Yuri, and Damien emerge for the stairwell into another hallway
and run down hallways with Damien in the lead again.  They eventually
stop at an intersection clogged with security forces on either side of
the hallway perpendicular to the trio.  Robert along with the rest of
Damien's team is there in ballistic body armor with lots of neato
weaponry.  There's quite a bit of chewed up flooring and walls and a
couple of wounded men, evidence that someone is controlling the other
hallway.]

Robert: Just when things get interesting, you show up.

Damien: Yep, and I'll leave when it comes time to clean up.

Jerry (A big hulking dude in armor): This is becoming a bad habit,
boss.  [Offering a helmet to Damien]

Damien: [reholstering his gun and accepting the helmet] I beg to
differ.  [handing his glasses to Jerry] Watch these for me, willya?
What's the situation?  [putting the helmet on and strapping it down]

Robert: Somebody got into the Data Storage room.  Through the window.

Damien: [muffled by the helmet] The window?!  [activates the helmet's
external speakers, so his voice sounds mechanical] This is the fifth
floor!  And the damned thing's thirty centimeters reinforced-

Robert: -I know.  I have no idea what they used to blow it open.
Internal sensors spotted half-a-dozen coming in before they got
nailed.

[Switch to a quick glimpse inside Damien's helmet, with an internal
HUD showing status info on its sensors and whatnot {"Online," "IR
activated," "Videolink established," whatever catch phrases you like}]

Damien: [musing] So they either have good anti-sensor equipment to
find them so quickly or-

Robert & Damien: -inside information.

Robert: Anyway, they got us pinned down here.  I've already called in
support to take care of them from outside, but it'll be a while before
they get here.  Held up in traffic or something stupid like that.

Damien: Meaning we're it.

Robert: Bingo.  I've got Plug upstairs trying to figure out what
they're doing.  He's already on the horn.  [to himself] Now I'm
starting to use Damien's stupid expressions too.

[Damien confers with Plug using his helmet radio while the Pair turn
their attentions on Robert.]

Damien: You there, Plug?

Plug: I read you, Boss.  All your helmet systems are green.

Kei: So what sort of weapons are we dealing with here?

Robert: [finally noticing the Pair {Shame on him!  And he calls
himself a lecher...}] Oh.  Ahhh, pretty stiff armor piercing
automatics, some explosives, at least a mech or two, maybe some other
stuff.  Someone's got this hallway covered with lasers.

Yuri: No kidding.  How far is it from here to the room?

Robert: About fifteen meters.

Damien: So what're they doing in D.S., Plug?

Plug: Damned if I know.  I THINK they're pulling all the Disciples
files, but they got some sort of interference program running too.  It
keeps trying to block me.  Kind of nasty, too.  Almost a real
challenge.  I should get past it soon enough.

Damien: Keep at it and lemme know what happens.  [to the Pair] We'll
need some cover if we're going to rush.

Yuri: Kei?

Kei: [fishing through a belt pouch] I'm looking.

Yuri: I'm surprised you'd want our help.  [smiling broadly] Aren't you
afraid we'd ruin your efforts?

Damien: Do you think I'm stupid enough to try to stop you two from
participating?  [smiling] Besides, this way I have an excuse if
something goes wrong.  [Yuri sticks her tongue out at Damien who just
chuckles.]

Kei: [pulls out some pellets] Got it.  One fog bank as cover, no water
required.

Damien: [smiling] I love a woman who comes prepared for anything.

Kei & Yuri: I sure hope so!  [Stare pointedly at each other for a
moment]

Damien: [to Robert] I'll need an APE.

Robert: [smiling] Take Jerry.

Jerry: [feigning surprise] What?!

Damien: [evidently tired of an old joke] You know what I mean.

Robert: Right.  [hands a short-barreled, oversized-muzzle rifle to
Damien]

Damien: [connecting a cable from his helmet to the rifle] Thank you.

Robert: Benindict wants us to minimize damages.

Damien: Benindict can suck my shrapnel.

Robert: Can I quote you on that?

Damien: Sure.  [to Kei] If you would kindly do the honors?

[Kei hurls the pellets down the hallway.  They go off with a
PHOOSH!ing sound effect, almost instantly creating a dense white fog
bank.]

Damien: [to his team] Cover us!

His Team: Gotcha!

[Damien and the Pair charge forward as Damien's team unleashes a
barrage of bullets.  The terrorist's lasers return fire but are thrown
off target or diffused by the fog <Oh puleeze!> {Don't bother quoting
me optics, dammit!  It's a space opera fer chrissakes!}.  Kei and Yuri
are not holding back with their shots either as they close the gap
with the door, causing as much damage to inanimate objects as their
targets.  Damien aims at one terrorist, with the assistance of
targeting crosshairs on his HUD and IR sensors inside his helmet, and
fires.  The oversized shell graphically punches through the
terrorist's armor and explodes, splattering little terrorist bits all
over the place.  By the time the trio make it to the doorway, little
is left of the door guards but messy corpses.  They dash through the
doorway just before an emergency seal closes behind them.  The room is
a maze of computer terminals and big machines, data storage units
intertwined with physical storage containers.]

Damien: [to radio] Plug!  The security door just closed!  What
happened?!

Plug: [to himself] I don't believe this!  [to Damien] They've taken
over internal building controls!  They've just activated all the
seals!  [to himself, although Damien can hear] I can't believe I let
myself fall for such a stupid diversion!

Damien: Recriminate later!  Regain control pronto!  [to Kei and Yuri]
Let's split up.  You two go right, I'll go left.

Yuri: But-

Damien: [snapping] No buts, just do it!  [heads off to the left]

Kei: [angry] Jerk!  Probably doesn't trust us or something.

[The Pair go the other way, whispering to each other.  A quick
overhead shot shows just how incredibly twisty the room's partitions
and placement of equipment is, as well as numerous terrorists, some in
body armor, some in powered armor suits, fanning out.  {The rampant
confusion possible is high, to say the least.}]

Yuri: Gee, I wonder why.

Kei: Y'know, Yuri, you don't have to say that QUITE so sarcastically.
It's not like it's all MY fault we got a bad rep.

Yuri: Oh really?  Are-

[Yuri is cut off as the Pair run face-to-face into a pair of
terrorists.  Kei dispatches her target by knocking his gun aside with
her hand (which goes off destroying any number of computer banks)
followed with several sharp blows to his head.  Yuri takes out her
target the old-fashioned way: she messily blows his brains out all
over the carpet and adjacent equipment.]

Yuri: Took your time, didn't you?

Kei: What can I say?  I enjoy my work.  At least nobody will have to
scrape him off the furniture like SOME people's targets.

Yuri: No, they'll just have to extract the rounds that SOMEHOW ended
up in the machinery.

[On the other side of the room, Damien is proceeding cautiously,
shaking his head every time he hears an explosion, a scream, a
gunshot, or any other noisy piece of evidence of the Pair's progress.]

Damien: [thinking] I hope they're okay.  I'm not sure I want to be the
one who lets the Dirty Pair get wasted.  Although maybe I'd get a
medal.

[His thoughts are interrupted by a trio of terrorists.  They fire at
him as he dives for cover.  He lands and rolls over onto his back.]

Damien: [thinking] That's what I get for being distracted by a lovely
pair.  [aims his rifle at the terrorists through the computer he's
hidden behind, who are conveniently standing still, hosing his cover]
So much for minimizing property damage.  [Fires.  The first shot
obliterates his cover, giving him a clear line of fire.  The next
three takes out the terrorists, leaving them twitching.]  Not bad.
[Another terrorist appears, seemingly out of nowhere, overhead,
falling towards Damien with a wicked knife in hand.]

[Meanwhile, in another part of the room, a couple of masked terrorists
are huddled around a terminal while two BIG mechs stand sentinel.  The
terminal operator, plugged in, is furiously pounding away at the
keyboard {not unlike the writer}.  Another terrorist is trying to
contact someone with a headset radio.  The terrorist leader watches
stoicly.  Behind is the remains of the window they came in through.
Outside, a transport van is hovering right next to the wall.  Dead
tech bodies are on the floor.]

Leader: How much longer?

Hacker: Almost got it all.  Doing a purge.  Damn!  There's that damn
SF netjockey again.  He's becoming annoying.

Leader: Can you handle him?

Hacker: Yeah, but he's slowing me down.  Should be done in three.

Leader: Make it two.

Helper: No response, Boss, from anyone.

Leader: [to the mechs] Deal with the SF.  [to other terrorist] Tell
Jackson to standby for departure.

[The mechs trudge off as the helper runs out to the hovervan.  The
driver nods and gives him the thumbs up.]

[Switch scene.  The Pair are dealing with more terrorists in true
Dirty Pair style; punching, kicking, elbowing, shooting, kneeing, and
generally commiting the sort of anarchial brawl we've come to expect
from them.  A short lull after the current crop is dealt with.]

Yuri: [panting] That was fun.

Kei: [shrugging, also sweating] I dunno.  These terrorists seem like
they're a cred a dozen nowadays.  All style and no stuff.

Yuri: Well, if something more interesting comes along, I'll let you
deal with it, OK?

[One of the BIG mechs comes lumbering around a corner, smashing
equipment out of its way as it does, carrying a big gun.]

Yuri: See?  All yours.

Kei: Gee, thanks.  Whatever would I do without a partner like you?

[The Pair drop into combat stances as the mech approaches.]

Yuri: Get killed, I'd imagine.

[Switch scene back to Damien.  He rolls away from the falling
terrorist, popping the cable out of his helmet amd leaving his rifle
behind as the knife slams through the floor where Damien was lying
down.  He gets to his feet and draws his short sword as the terrorist
pulls his knife out of the floor.]

Damien: Nice blade.

[The terrorist charges, knife out.  Damien locks his opponent's knife
between the crosspiece and blade of his sword.]

Damien: Shouldn't stick it through floors, though.

[The terrorist kicks at Damien, who deflects it with his knee, while
trying to disengage his knife from Damien's, who has it firmly
locked.]

Damien: Weakens the blade.

[Damien twists his sword, snapping the terrorist's blade off at the hilt.]

Damien: Never know when it might break.

[The terrorist shoves him back, knocking him off-balance.]

Damien: Now that's not nice.

[Damien kicks his opponent in the gut as he tries to draw a different
knife, making him double over.]

Damien: Next time use a gun.

[Damien reverses his grip on his sword and uses the pommel to knock
him unconscious.]

Damien: That concludes today's lesson.  [pulls a pair of handcuffs
from his belt, uses them on the terrorist] Whaddaya know, a live
arrest.  What a miracle.  Maybe this isn't such a bad day after-
[stops as he notices the other BIG mech who is aiming his cannon at
him] Oh sh-

[Damien jumps back, instinctively throwing his arms in front of his
face, as the mech fires.  It misses Damien but hits a nearby machine,
exploding violently, showering Damien's captive with shrapnel {so much
for a live arrest} and blowing Damien backwards off his feet.  He
flies, spinning through the air, bumping off and over a desk, before
landing face-first on the floor, motionless.]

[Shift back to Kei and Yuri.  Their shots, unsurprisingly, are
bouncing off the mech's armor.  They dodge as it fires its cannon,
ruining some more equipment.  Kei hurls a grenade that destroys its
gun before it can fire again, but fails to noticeably scratch its
armor.  Now the Pair dodge its physical assualts, with no apparent way
to destroy it.  {Tense battle music plays throughout.} They draw back,
diving behind cover for a moment's reprive.]

Kei: SHIT!  How do we- [notices Yuri drawing the Bloody Card] Oh god,
no, please tell me this is just a bad dream.

Yuri: Do you have a better idea?!

Kei: [weakly] No, but that doesn't mean-

Yuri: Then shut up!

[The mech picks up whatever it was they were hiding behind
{Permanently attached to the floor?  Not anymore.} and throws it
aside.  The Pair split up, flanking the mech, as it tries to pulp them
again.  Yuri hurls the Bloody Card.  Predictably, it misses.]

Kei: Told you so.

Yuri: SHUT UP!  I didn't say-

[The Card, after sailing to the other side of the room <most likely
right through any intervening obstructions> and slashing the terrorist
hacker's umbilical cord connection to his terminal, much to his
annoyance, returns and imbeds itself in the mech's one eye.  With a
mechanical squeal of pain, it attempts to dislodge the card which is
firmly imbedded in its face.  It flails around blindly in one place,
trashing adjacent equipment.]

Yuri: [triumphantly] -that it would work on the first pass.  Give it
time, though-

Kei: [irritated] How about if you just give it a rest?  It worked, all
right?

Yuri: Just because YOU couldn't stop it is no-

Plug: [through their comlinks] Do you read me, Lovely Angels!  Please,
if you're listening, Damien's in trouble!  He went down and I'm not
reading any vital signs from his helmet!

Kei & Yuri: What?!?

Plug: You have to help him!  Some mech's attacking him!

Kei: C'mon Yuri!

Yuri: Right behind you!

[The two go charging off in the right general direction, hurtling,
ducking, or just blowing away any obstructions, while the mech is
still flailing.  Cut back to the terrorists.]

Hacker: What the hell was that thing?!

Leader: Never mind.  Did you get it?

Hacker: Yeah, but I'm not sure if I wiped everything.

Leader: Don't worry about it.  Just get your stuff together.

Helper: What about Nunzio and Guido?  Should we wait for them?

Leader: Too big a risk now, I'm afraid.  IF they survive, they might
be able to make it back on their own.  Set the charges.

Helper: [dubiously] If you say so, Boss.

Leader: [laying a hand on the helper's shoulder] They're just
machines.

Helper: [while working] Yeah, I know, it's just...they're gonna be
pissed off back at base about losing the mechs, that's all.

Leader: [laughs] If that's all we have to worry about, there's no need
for undue concern.
	
Helper: Charges set.  Timer activated.

Leader: Good.  Let's go then.

[The three exit through the window and board the airvan.  Two police
helicopters are approaching, sirens wailing.]

Leader: [to the driver] Deal with them, Jackson.

Jackson: Sure thing Boss.  [The airvan sprouts weapon pods and turns
to deal with the helicopters]

[Cut back to Damien, who is still lying on the ground, his helmet
cracked.  The mech is slowly, ominously approaching him, its gun
focused on him.  It picks up the intervening desk with one hand and
tosses it aside.  It then rolls him over, revealing that his jacket is
actually some form of ablative armor, much of which was sheared away
by the blast.  He's still breathing.  The mech takes aim to rectify
the situation when...]

Kei: Get away from him!

[Kei fires several times, distracting it.  Deciding to turn on the
Pair, it fires at them instead, blowing up more of the room.  The Pair
continue to trade shots with it as Damien stirs.]

Damien: [To himself] Ouch.  I thought there weren't any Mack trucks
anymore.  [notices the mech meleeing with the Pair] Kei?  Yuri?
[takes off his helmet, obviously broken, and tosses it aside] Yep,
it's them.  [crawls over to where his rifle is, grunting] Just hold
still pal and I'll return the favor.

Yuri: [notices Damien moving] Damien!  Are you-OOF!  [gets hit by the
mech's arm in the back, falling forward on her face]

Damien & Kei: YURI!!!

[Damien swivels the rifle around, props it up against the floor, and
fires at the mech.  The first shot nicks its shoulder, blowing its arm
partway off and leaving it dangling.  The second one hits it further
in the chest, making an ugly gaping hole.  The third blows its head
off.  It sinks to its knees then falls over backwards.  Damien drops
the rifle as he and Kei both close in on Yuri's prone body.]

Damien & Kei: YURI!!!

Yuri: [mumbling into the carpet] Not so loud.  I'm dead, remember?
Show some respect.

[Kei helps Yuri roll over and sit up.]

Kei: Are you okay?

Yuri: [rubbing her back] Nothing's broken if that's what you mean.
But I feel pretty stupid, letting myself get caught like that.

Damien: [smiling painfully] You're at least half-right.

Kei: What about you, Damien?

Damien: [poking gingerly at his chest] I'll live.

Yuri: Ohhh, you men and your machismo.  "I'll live!"

Kei: This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't run off on your own.

Damien: Naw, hanging around you two just gets me...distracted.  [tries
to stand up] Would you, uhhh, mind helping me up?

Yuri: Why bother?

Kei: "You'll live," right?

Yuri: Take it like a man!  Besides my back can't take it.

Kei: And I wouldn't want to "distract" you from your work.

Damien: [smiling sourly] I get the point.  [almost makes it up before
Kei catches him from falling] My heeeerrrrooo.

Kei: [winking] Does that mean I get a kiss?

[At this point the blind mech, Bloody Card still impaled, comes
thrashing in, flailing his arms about, causing wanton destruction]

Damien:  [drawing his gun]  This is gonna hurt.

Kei:  Are you crazy?!

Yuri:  There's no way you'll kill it with just-

[Damien fires.  His bullet strikes the Bloody Card edge-on, splitting
in half and driving the Card far enough in to stop the mech which
falls on top of its companion.]

Yuri: -that.

Damien: [grimacing as he rehosters his gun] I knew it would hurt.  [to
Kei & Yuri] So who saved who?

Kei: Well, if it weren't for us that mech would've blown you into
ground meat.

Damien: But if it weren't for me it would have killed us all.  And of
course there's the other one I just dealt with.

Yuri: But if my Card wasn't already imbedded in its forehead, you
wouldn't have been able to kill it with that popgun.

Damien: Popgun?!  Hmph.  So I guess we should call it even.  [smiling]
Which means no one gets a kiss.  [frowning] Although considering the
fact I can't feel my face at the moment, maybe it doesn't really
matter.

Kei: [mildly concerned] You can't?  Why not?

Damien: Built-in function of the jacket.  When severely damaged it
releases painkillers, which are absorbed through the skin.  So right
now I'm numb.

[Damien is still leaning on Kei when they reach the door.  They watch
as Damien's team finishes burning it down and come charging through
the hole, guns drawn.]

Robert: Nobody move!  [notices Damien and the Pair] Uhhh...

Damien: Late again, Rob.  Keep this up and you'll never make it to the
parties on time anymore.

Robert: [grinning as he puts his gun away] Judging by your choice of
crutches, I'm sorry I missed out.

Damien: [coughing] Oh, it was a real blast.

Kei: [snapping] Would you get the damn medic already?!

Yuri: [rubbing her back] Better make it two.

Kei: You two can parley later after you reassemble him!  [muttering]
Men!  Can't live with `em-

Damien: Can't drive `em crazy without `em.  [notices Kei's surprised
look and smiles] We say the same thing about you.

Robert: [yelling out into the hallway] Med team, in here!  [to Damien]
So did you win?

Damien: [nodding] I think we got them all.

[The charges set detonate, destroying the terminal the terrorists were
using and quite a bit of the surrounding equipment.]

Robert: [drily] Maybe not.

Kei, Yuri, & Damien:  Oops.

Jerry: [giving Damien back his shades] Here're your glasses, Boss.

Damien: Thanks, Jerry.  [putting his glasses on] Much better.

[A med team arrives and carries off Yuri and Damien, with Kei
following them.  As soon as they disappear, Benindict appears.  He
stops in shock as he gazes about the large room.  Almost everything
has been destroyed, corpses abound, people are running around just now
starting to clean up.  It is, to say the least, a mess.]

Benindict: Oh god...

Robert: [noticing Benindict] Mission accomplished, sir!

Benindict: Accomplished!?  You call this "minimizing property
damage?!?"

Robert: [glancing around innocently] We managed to restrict it to this
room, didn't we, sir?

Benindict: [holding his head in his hands] Oh god.

Robert: Look on the bright side sir.  We improved ventilation.

Benindict: It must have been those two.  Must have...must have...

Robert: And you've been wanting to renovate the room, sir.  What
better way than to start from scratch?

Benindict: Robert?

Robert: Yes sir?

Benindict: Shut up before I fire you.

Robert: Yes sir.


			   SCENE 4

[A few hours later in front of the Vanaheim government building's main
entrance.  The Pair emerge.  Yuri looks pissed, Kei is consoling her.]

Kei: Awwww, c'mon Yuri, I'm sure he didn't do it deliberately-

Yuri: Like hell!  We endure all that...that SHIT and he disappears
without leaving so much as a message!

Kei: Hey, he did look pretty banged-up.  Not his fault they separated
us in the med unit.  Maybe he's looking for us now.

Yuri: Yeah right.  How are we supposed to find him?

Kei: [smiles, pointing] How about looking over there?

[Damien is leaning against a red sporty aircar, waving at the Pair.
He's wearing a new bomber jacket that looks just like his old one and
a big grin.  The Pair approach him, Yuri looking ready to chew him
out.]

Damien: [trys to bow, stops partway] Good evening, miladies!  Glad I
am to see that you two are well.  I am truly sorry I did not meet you
earlier.  The medics refused to inform me of where you were.  I could
not even get a message delivered.  My sincerest apologies.  [takes
Yuri's hand, kisses it] Is your back alright, milady?

Yuri: [confused] Uhhh, yeah, it's fine...thanks.

Damien: What a relief.  Oh!  [produces the Bloody Card like a
stageshow magician] I believe this is yours.

Yuri: [snatching the Bloody Card] Thank heavens!  [kisses it then puts
it away]

Damien: The cleanup crew retrieved it from the mech's head and asked
me to return it to you.  I, of course, complied.  [takes Kei's hand,
kisses it] How are you feeling, milady?

Kei: [confused also] Fine.  Uhhh, Damien, are you all right?

Damien: I'm in tiptop condition, fit and fine.  Those marvelous medics
and their miraculous machinery worked wonders on my wounds.  Thank you
for inquiring.

Yuri: Are you sure?  You're acting...strange.

Damien: Of course I'm behaving strangely!  I've got enough painkillers
in my blood to make an elephant one with the cosmos.

Kei: A what?

Damien: Big grey four-legged things, used to hang around men in
loincloths before they became extinct.  [Opening the car door, bowing
slightly and indicating the entrance with one hand.]  If you would do
me the honor, I shall transport you wherever you wish to go.  If you
so desire, I can show you the backup data at my abode.

Yuri: Personal backups?!  Isn't that-?

Damien: [Putting a finger to Yuri's lips] Shhhh, not so loud, if you
do not mind.  [laughing] Please, get in.

Kei: [beats Yuri in and sits in the middle] Thank you, Damien.

Damien: The pleasure is all mine.

Kei: [winking] Now don't keep it all to yourself.

[Yuri climbs in next to Kei, who is making the "V" with her hand and
smiling.  Damien closes the door then gets in on the other side as Kei
and Yuri trade interesting facial expressions.]

Damien: My apologies for the cramped conditions; I'm afraid this car
wasn't designed with more than two people in mind.

Kei: [rubbing up against Damien's side] I don't mind.  Do you, Yuri?

[Yuri just snorts and turns to look out the window, pouting.]

Damien: [mock shock] Please, milady, I am a gentleman.  And the
designated driver.  [starting the car] You wouldn't want us to have an
ACCIDENT would you?

Yuri: Considering how high you seem to be flying already, Damien, I
somehow doubt it will matter.

Kei: Oh, Yuri always gets grumpy when the anesthetic wears off.

Damien: That's quite alright.  I imagine I'm going to have one
massively huge hangover in the morning.  All the more reason to enjoy
myself now.

[The car takes off, weaving its way around buildings, over roads, and
under walkways, wobbling just a bit.  Unnoticed by the trio, an airvan
remarkably like the terrorists' starts following them from a
distance.]

[Switch to the inside of the airvan, where Jackson is driving while
talking into a radio headset.  Behind him are seated multiple
terrorists along the van's sides, like a transport truck.]

Jackson: [to radio] In pursuit of targets now, Boss.

[Switch scene to inside some nondescript office, where we see the back
of the terrorist leader's head and the chair he is sitting in, talking
into his radio.  His helper is visible, leaning against a wall.]

Leader: You know your orders.  Proceed with extreme caution.  Targets
are deemed extremely dangerous.  No mercy, Jackson.

[Switch back to the airvan and Jackson, who nods.]

Jackson: Understood, Boss.  Over and out.  [turns off radio, gives
thumbs up to the other terrorists in the van] We have a go.

[Switch back to the terrorist leader who is taking off his headset.]

Helper: These 3WA agents could be a real problem, Boss.

Leader: On the contrary.  Things couldn't be better.

[Switch back to Damien's aircar, which is still wobbling erratically
high above the city.]

Yuri: I think I'm getting seasick.

Damien: Dreadfully sorry about that.  Oh, Plug told me about what
those Disciple terrs were up to back there.

Kei: [holding on to Damien's arm] Oh really?  Do tell!

Damien: Your wish is my command.

Kei: [smiling] Don't tempt me.

Damien: It appears they snatched all of the files SF had on them and
wiped the `base clean.  What they didn't erase they blew up.  HOWEVER,
they did NOT get all of the RELEVANT information.  For instance, they
do not know about the fact that I possess backup copies of much of the
data.  [to himself] Probably because NO ONE knows.

Yuri: [taking interest] Did they seize anything else?

Damien: That is, perhaps, the most queer part of all.  There must have
been veritable tons of information that could have been useful to them
and that could have been taken with no visible effort, but they
didn't.  Now why would they go through all this effort, sacrificing
numberous members of their faction, all to take back what little
knowledge we have on them?

Yuri: Probably because, whatever the information is, they think we're
getting too close.

Damien: [nodding] Bingo.  That would be my assessment of the
situation.  So there MUST be something important, something I've been
overlooking.

Kei: Did the air support units have any luck taking them out?

Damien: [shaking his head] None.  Two fully-equipped SF helicopters
were destroyed with ridiculous ease by one better-equipped airvan.

Yuri: Now where could an airvan obtain that kind of weaponry?  Not
your run-of-the-mill back-alley dealer, surely!

Damien: Definitely not.  I've been making some discreet inquiries with
the major on-planet weapons dealers, but so far nothing's turned up.

Kei: That reminds me.  If Vanaheim's a Gaineid corporate world, why
does it allow other companies on planet?

Damien: Well, besides the fact that it's illegal for any corporation
to maintain a monopoly on any of its worlds, as per United Galactica
law, there's the very lucrative import tariffs Vanaheim can charge on
any non-Gaineid product, not to mention licensing fees, leasing, land
purchases, ad nauseum.  Vanaheim's business is making money.  Whether
it's from Gaineid's own products or some other company's doesn't
really matter.

[Damien turns on his car stereo.  Opening strains to Rush's "Red
Barchetta" are heard.  {Whaddaya mean you've never heard it?!  GO GET
IT NOW!!!}]

Yuri: What's this?  I've never heard them before.

Damien: Probably because it's at least 150 years old.

Kei: Really?!  I didn't know you liked classical music.

Damien: My father had an antique fetish.  One of many peculiarities I
inherited from him.  What do you two think are our chances of finding
this airvan?

Yuri: Depends.  Does it look anything like the one following us?

Kei: Really?!  [Glances back] Hmmm, doesn't LOOK too suspicious.

Yuri: Maybe not, but it's been back there for some time, almost since
we left HQ.  Call me paranoid, but I think we may have found them.

Damien: Or vice versa.  [Activates a monitor which displays a closeup
view of the van.]  Hmmm, it DOES match the description, but...
[Activates a scan of the airvan which reveals all sorts of "optional
accessories."]  Give that lady a cupie doll, I think she's got it!

Kei: So what do we do about it?  [drawing her gun] Should we take `em
out?

Yuri: I dunno Kei, if they can take out two helicopters...

Damien: Ahh, show some backbone.  Just do it!

[Yuri reluctantly pulls out her gun too.  Music get intense.  Damien
preforms a bootlegger reverse, then accelerates towards the van.  The
van reveals its impressive weaponry.  Damien lowers the car top,
turning it into a convertible.]

Yuri: What are you doing?!

Damien: Do you think I'm going to let you shoot through the window?!

Kei: [standing up] AWWWRIIIGHT!

[Kei and Yuri start firing at the same time as the van.  The two
vehicles make flying passes with no noticable effect to either one.
Damien's car spins around again, zipping towards the slower, less
agile van.]

Damien: Built tough to last!  Hold on, you two!  We're going down!

[The car dives suddenly, dropping about twenty meters, then levels out
and races beneath the van's underside.  Kei and Yuri take full
advantage, firing and lobbing grenades into its bottom.  The van
starts smoking then turns to retreat.  Damien swings around in
pursuit.]

Damien: Ohhh, no you don't!

[Activating another monitor, he targets the van's rear.  A pair of
grappling hooks fire, locking onto the van.  Kei and Yuri disable the
van's rear-firing weapons.  The grapples reel in, pulling the two
vehicles closer together.  Suddenly the rear doors open, exposing
several terrorists who fire at the nearby car.  Damien pulls out his
gun and fires along with the Pair, driving one-handed.  Things are
going well until a shot grazes the top of Kei's head, who drops in her
seat, clutching her head.]

Damien & Yuri: KEI!!!

Kei: [sobbing] My hair...

Damien: What?

Kei: [gets up, looking angry] YOU BASTARDS!!  [jumps onto the hood of
the car, firing rapidly at the terrorists, looking furious] YOU SHOT
MY HAIR!!!

[Kei leaps from the car hood into the back of the van and REALLY
starts letting the terrorists have it, looking like someone you
wouldn't want to meet in a dark alleyway, no matter HOW many people
you had with you.  Lots of shouts and wild shots.]

Damien: [thinking] Do not make her angry.

Yuri: HOLD ON, KEI!  [leaps onto the hood then into the van]

Damien: [thinking] Never, EVER make her angry.  [notices a damage
display, indicating the grapples are locked into position] WHAT?!  Oh
bloody hell!

[Just as the Pair are getting into it, all the rear terrorists are
dealt with (quite a number are thrown out the rear door).  As they go
to take out the driver, he panics and starts shooting wildly.  They
return fire, destroying the van's controls and his gun.  The van
starts going into a power dive.  Damien's car is being dragged along.]

Damien: Damn damn damn DAMN!!!  KEI!!  YURI!!  Get back here!

[Kei and Yuri, having knocked out Jackson, are climbing up the van to
the rear, dragging their captive.]

Damien: Quick!  Cut the grapples, they're locked!

[The Pair blast the cables, cutting loose the car - and seperating
them from Damien.  In less that a second, the van is already several
meters away from Damien's car.  He quickly sends his car diving to
catch up again.  The Pair are standing precariously on the van's rear
then jump into Damien's car, with captive, as he nears.  He engages
his thrusters again as the van plummets into the city, exploding when
it hits the ground.]

Kei, Yuri, & Damien: Oops.

Damien: [after a pause] Well, at least we have a captive.  Are you two
alright?

Kei: Misterable stinking bastards shot my HAIR, dammit!

Yuri: Yeah, we're fine.  This is normal for her.

Damien: Yes, well, fortunately we're near my home, since this car is
in serious need of repair.

[Damien's now hole-ridden car, wobbling more than ever, makes its way
to the roof of an apartment complex and lands - sort of.  The trio
crawl out of it, dragging their captive.]

Kei: Nice landing.

Damien: You know what they say, any landing you can walk away from is
one you obviously survived.

Yuri: [sourly] Are you sure about that one?

[Damien doesn't answer as the Pair survey the roof and realize that it
is the penthouse suite.]

Kei: [incredulous] THIS is your APARTMENT!?!

Damien: [smiling] It keeps the rain off my back.

Yuri: [moaning] Please, don't mention the word "back."  I'm not sure I
still have mine.

Damien: [concerned] Did you hurt it again?

Kei: Oh, don't worry, Yuri's pretty flexible.  So Damien, do you live
alone?

Damien: Yeah.  The guys often come over here to celebrate after a
mission, though.  [chuckling] Although they're probably still busy
cleaning up from the last one.

Yuri: How can you afford this?

Damien: All part of my inheritence.  My father was a bastard, but he
was a RICH bastard when he died.

[The trio enter through a sliding glass door.  The interior is very
spacious, with three levels and an odd mix of modern architecture and
antique furnishings, glass and wood.  The lights turn on
automatically.  HAL, the AI controlling the apartment, greets Damien
as a disembodied voice.]

HAL: Welcome back, Damien.

Damien: Good evening, HAL.  I'd like you to meet Kei and Yuri, the 3WA
trouble consultants I mentioned to you earlier.

HAL: Ah, good evening ladies.  I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

Kei & Yuri: Uh, hello HAL.

Damien: Could you fix us something to eat, HAL?  Oh, and contact Max
about the car.  It needs repairing again.

HAL: Certainly, Damien.  Dinner should be ready in a half-hour.  Who
is the fourth member of your party?

Damien: [lifting up the unconscious Jackson] This is our esteemed
prisoner, apparently a member of the Disciples.  We're going to be
interrogating him later I think.  Could you find someplace suitable
for him?

HAL: Of course.  [A robot whizzes up, takes the terrorist, and whizzes
away with him.]  Will that be all?

Damien: Hmmm.  Oh, give Yuri access to the Disciples files.

HAL: Certainly.  Plug informed me of what happened earlier.  Are you
fine?

Damien: More or less.  I'll heal.

Yuri: [muttering] Of COURSE he will.

Damien: [to Kei and Yuri] You two can shower if you want to.  Oh, and
Hal can synthesize some clothes for you two if you want to wash your
uniforms too.

Kei: Sounds great!  Which way to the shower?

HAL: If you would allow me, [another, smaller robot whizzes up] I will
show you the way.

Kei: OK!  See you two later.  [follows the robot]

Damien: What about you, Yuri?

Yuri: Thanks, but for the moment I just want to rest.

Damien: I know what you mean.  C'mon, I'll show you the guest bedroom.

[Damien leads Yuri through the apartment.  Yuri examines the various
artifacts on display, particularly the antique weapons.]

Yuri: [pointing] Wow, is that a genuine daisho set?

Damien: Huh?  Oh that.  Yeah, my father bought them a long time ago
when he was on Earth.  They're at least a couple hundred years old.
In pretty good condition too, although I don't know if I'd really want
to use them in combat.

Yuri: Was all this stuff your father's?

Damien: A lot of it was.  Y'see, my father was the leader of a
mercenary team.

Yuri: [impressed] Really?!  Wow.

Damien: I spent most of my youth galaxy-trotting with him, going from
one job to the next.  My father tended to collect this stuff wherever
he went and carried it with him.  Then he and the team were wiped out
on this planet a few years ago, leaving me orphaned here with all of
his money and his junk.  I could've left, but [shrugging] where would
I go?  So I stuck around and got a job with SF.

Yuri: Do you miss him?

Damien: Not particularly.  Y'see, he never really treated me like his
son.  I was always just another one of his men.  This really sucked
back when I was too young to fight and had to do all sorts of stupid
odd jobs.  It wasn't so great when I was in combat training either.
[smiling and chuckling drily] Just when things were improving, he gets
himself killed.  [shakes his head] Oh, here we are, one guest bedroom.
[opens the door]

Yuri: [looking around] Not bad.  [lies down face-first on the bed]
Yeah, I could get used to this.

Damien: [standing in the doorway, muttering] So could I.

Yuri: [sharply] What?

Damien: [innocently] Nothing.  How's your back feel?

Yuri: Lousy.

Damien: Here, maybe I can help.  [walks forward, sits down on the bed
next to Yuri, starts massaging her back] Any better?

Yuri: Mmmm.  Much.  [turns to look at Damien] This something else you
learned from your dad?

Damien: Yep.  I have to admit, he did teach me quite a few things.

Yuri: Seems like your father influenced you quite a bit.

Damien: Yeah.  I suppose he wasn't such a bad guy, but he was a pretty
lousy father.  [pensively] For a long time I really resented the fact
he was never a real father when I was a kid.  But I guess things were
kind of hard on him after my mother died.

Yuri: [drowsily] Really?  [suddenly more alert] Ow!

Damien: Sorry.  This may hurt a bit, `cause I think you popped
something out of whack.  Hold on and I'll pop it back in.

Yuri: OWW!  Dammit, that...hey, y'know, that actually helped!

Damien: No pain, no gain.  Anyway...yeah, my mom died when I was
about, ohhh, five or six I think.  She was a part of the mercenary
team too, one of the squad leaders in fact.  One of the other guys, an
old friend of my father's, who was kind of a surrogate father for me
as well, used to tell me how they met while working for opposing
employers and tried to kill each other, and since they couldn't beat
one another, they decided to get married!

Yuri: [smiling] Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Damien: Or somewhere.  But yeah, they lasted until she got killed.  On
some mission I think.  After that...I guess my dad just sort of
retreated into himself or something, because I remember thinking he
used to be...nicer before Mom died.  He never seemed to joke or laugh
or even smile much anymore.  I was pretty damn scared of him for quite
some time, actually.  [smiling wryly] Not the best of father-son
relationships.  [finishes massaging] All done.

Yuri: [turning over and sitting next to Damien] Hey, that was great.
Thanks.

Damien: My pleasure.  So what was your family life like?

Yuri: Pretty tame, to tell the truth, especially compared to yours.
Too tame for my tastes, I guess.  Part of why I choose to join the
3WA.  Travel the galaxy, meet new people, danger, action, excitement,
all that good stuff.

Damien: I guess we all want what we don't have.

Yuri: [laughs] Plus Kei talked me into it.

Damien: [smiling] I'm not surprised.  You two seem close.

Yuri: We're like sisters, almost.  Maybe even closer, since we share
just about everything.

Damien: Must make for interesting dates.

Yuri: [laughing] We don't share that much!

Damien: Good.  I doubt anyone could handle both of you at once.

Yuri: What, not even you?

Damien: Do I look like I'm wearing red and blue tights with a big S on
my chest?  Especially not me!

Yuri: Why not?

Damien: Date two beautiful, intelligent women who could easily kill me
with their bare hands?  At the same time?  Sorry, I don't have a death
wish.  [pause]

Yuri: Y'know, I think I will take up that offer for a shower now.

Damien: Down the hall, on your left.

Yuri: Thanks.  See you at dinner.  [leaves]

[After a while, Damien gets up and leaves as well.  Strolling
nonchalantly through the apartment, he finds Kei, casually dressed, in
front of a mirror, trying to examine the damage to her hair.]

Damien: It looks fine.

Kei: Huh?!  Oh, hi, Damien.  How can you say that?  It's-

Damien: Still mostly there and what little you lost will regrow.
Trust me, I doubt anyone will notice.  Or if they do, they'll just
think you're making a fashion statement.

Kei: [smiling] Thanks, but it bothers me.

Damien: I've never understood this obsession with appearence some
women have.  It's like, the better-looking they are, the more they
fret about it.  [smiling] So I guess you prove the rule.

Kei: [rubbing up against his arm] Think so?

Damien: Of course.  [smiling] By the way, was there a bruise?

Kei: No, thankfully.  [slyly] Unless you want to double-check?

Damien: Thanks, but I'll take your word for it.

Kei: [somewhat icily] Your loss.

Damien: I know.  But I try to keep my mind on business until it's all
done.  And that definitely does not count as official business, alas.

[Kei and Damien start walking aimlessly, side by side.]

Kei: Why do you work for SF?

Damien: Why do you work for the 3WA?

Kei: Because it's fun, it pays the bills, and it's something I do
well.  That and Yuri talked me into it.  Your turn.

Damien: I guess because I need something to do to occupy my time.  As
you may have guessed, I really don't need the money.  I dunno.  Why do
you ask?

Kei: It's just you come down so hard on Vanaheim's government at times
I wondered-

Damien: Why I work for them?  I wonder sometimes too.  But I don't
think it's any better elsewhere.  And what I'm doing now is the
closest to any good use for what skills I have.  I could become a
mercenary perhaps, but I don't really want to.  And I've been here so
long it's starting to feel like home.  I have a job, money, some
friends-

Kei: Do you have a girlfriend?

Damien: No, not really.  I mean, I go out every once in a while, but
nothing serious.  People have a hard time relating to me sometimes.

Kei: Really?  How come?

Damien: I guess I'm a bit too cynical at times for some people.

Kei: Huh.  I hadn't noticed.  [pointing] HEY, is that an indoor
shooting range?

Damien: Actually it's a holographic trainer for both hand-to-hand and
weapons training, among other things.  Total virtual reality.

Kei: Really?!  I didn't know anyone had any of those anymore.  Most
people just jack in for slow time training.  That or use the real
thing.

Damien: Well, I hate to sound arrogant, but I can't usually find
enough live opponents for a real challenge.

Kei: [grinning] You should try sparring with me then.

Damien: Naw, I'd enjoy the holds too much.  [pushing aside his
ponytail] And I don't have a microsoft plug so I can't jack in.  I
have CIS.

Kei: Cybernetic Incompatibility Syndrome?  [Damien nods] That must
make things rough for you at times.

Damien: Well, I can't use most computers or any other sort of headware
and I need to have all of my combat suits and whatnot modified, so
yeah, I guess you could say it causes problems.

Kei: Isn't there supposed to be a cure or something for that?

Damien: Yeah, but it involves a good deal of extremely expensive
reconstructive surgery on my nervous system.  Even I can't afford it.
Plus it's classified as a "mandatory liability waiver" procedure.

Kei: No guarantees, huh?

Damien: Nope.  I don't really want to risk become a human vegetable.

Kei: Well, I like you the way you are!

Damien: Awww, I bet you say that to all us handsome, rich guys.

Kei: I do not!  I say it to handsome, poor guys too!

Damien: [laughing] Well, glad to see you aren't biased!

HAL: [interrupting] Pardon me, Damien, but dinner is ready.  I have
already escorted Miss Yuri to the table.

Damien: Coming.  [extends his arm to Kei] Would you care to join me?

Kei: [linking her arm with Damien's] I would be delighted.

Damien: [smiling] So long as the feeling's mutual.

[Damien and Kei enter the dining room together.  Yuri is already
sitting down, wearing something suitably casual.  She brightens for a
moment upon seeing Damien, then darkens after noticing Kei attached to
his arm.  Damien pulls out a chair for Kei then seats himself between
Kei and Yuri.]

Damien: [to Yuri] Feeling better?  Did HAL get the right size?

Yuri: Much, thanks for the massage.

Kei: [to herself] How come she got a massage and I didn't?

Yuri: And HAL did pretty good.  A bit loose, but I don't mind.

HAL: My apologies, Miss Yuri.  I believe one of my scanning sensors is
miscalibrated.  Oh, and both yours and Miss Kei's uniforms are being
cleaned.

Yuri: Thank you, HAL.

Kei: [a bit sullenly] Thanks, HAL.

HAL: My pleasure.  I hope you enjoy this evening's meal.  [a robot
butler comes up, carrying a tray of steaming food] Soup, salad, roast
beef, a few other items.  Nothing terribly special.

Yuri: [beaming] They smell wonderful!

[The three commence eating with the robobutler attending on them.]

HAL: Oh, and there is cheesecake for dessert.  I believe that is one
of your favorites, Miss Kei?

Kei: [smiling] You betcha!  Thanks, HAL!

Yuri: Gee, Kei, whatever happened to your diet?

Kei: Hey, I'm allowed an occasional indulgence!  Right, HAL?

Damien: [thinking] NEVER make her mad.

HAL: [to Kei] If you wish, Miss Kei.  I seriously doubt it will ruin
your waistline, since that is presumably your reason for dieting.  I
hope I did not offend you in any way by offering, though.  I did not
realize you were dieting.  I AM sorry.

Kei: Nono, that's fine.  Thanks for offering.  I accept.  But how did
you know?

HAL: Why, Damien told me, of course.

Kei: You did?!  How did YOU find out?

Damien: [looking slightly embarassed] I checked out both of your
profiles very carefully before you arrived.  That happened to be in
there.  I had no idea if you might come over or not, so I decided to
play it safe and told HAL to prepare appropriately.  He's actually
quite a cook, better than me.  Or at least more versatile.

Yuri: Oh really?  Just HOW closely did you examine our profiles?

HAL: Rather exhaustively, I should say.  Damien likes to be
well-informed about anyone he might be working with.

Damien: [thinking] For instance, your debut in "Buxom Babes."  But
that's a tidbit I'll keep to myself.  [shrugging, to Kei and Yuri]
Just another one of my peculiarities.  All I really did was tell HAL
to scan Vanaheim's records for whatever he could find on you and
relate it back to me.  He did most of the work.  Oh, that reminds me.
HAL, any further luck cross-referencing data on the Disciples?

HAL: None yet, Damien.  Shall I expand the search parameters?

Damien: Yeah.  Oh, and find out what you can about our captive.

HAL: I am already scanning criminal files based on physical evidence.

Damien: Maybe I should just turn this whole investigation over to you.

HAL: You know that is impractical, Damien.  I don't know how to drive
your car.

Damien: [smiling] Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Kei: Hey, I almost forgot about our prisoner.  I get first crack at
him!

Yuri: Kei, sometimes you are so unsubtle.  What are you going to do,
beat him up?

Damien: I personally prefer drugging him, but hey, that's just me.

Kei: Ohh, that takes all the fun out of it.

Yuri: What's fun about beating up a captive?  You're still ticked off
about your hair, and he's not even the one who shot you!

Kei: Oh, and like you're all that forgiving!  Like the time that guy
made a pass at you, and you-

Yuri: Well, he was downright rude!  Served him right!

Kei: I wonder if they're still trying to clone replacement organs?
You didn't exactly leave enough left for them to use as genetic
material.

Yuri: I didn't hurt him that badly!  A couple of kicks and that was
all!

[Damien is starting to look slightly ill.]

Kei: Whatever.  I STILL want to interrogate him.

Yuri: Gonna use a good agent-bad agent routine on him?

Kei: How about bad agent-worse agent?

Damien: [under his breath] How about just tell him who you are?  He'll
spill his guts from abject terror for sure.

Kei & Yuri: WHAT WAS THAT!?!

Damien: [sweating] Huh, oh I was just wondering if HAL needed any
help.

HAL: No thank you, Damien, I can manage on my own.

Damien: [weakly] Swell.

[Yuri and Kei continue arguing over interrogation methods as the view
fades out.]

Kei: Come on, just a little roughing up, he'll spill his beans for
sure!

Yuri: Gimme a break!  Damien's idea makes more sense.  We drug him,
loosen his tongue a bit, and coax it out of him.  You don't beat to
death your informants.  Or at least I don't.

Kei: It's not like I'm going to kill him!  I won't even break his jaw!

Damien: [thinking] I'm going to have a headache, I just know it.


			   SCENE 5

[Screen starts out black.  Kei, Yuri, and Damien are heard talking,
but their voices sound muffled and distant.]

Damien: How much did you give him?

Yuri: 5 ccs.

Damien: Are you sure that's enough?

Yuri: Well, Kei didn't want to use any, and I wanted 10, so we
comprimised on 5.

Kei: Just to make sure he isn't TOO cooperative.  [cracks her
knuckles] Otherwise this would be NO fun at all.

Damien: [sighing] Whatever makes you happy.

Yuri: Hey, the room was your idea.

Damien: Let's just get on with it, okay?

[The blackness is suddenly lifted like a blindfold from view and a
close-up of Kei's face, with an almost demonic grin, is seen.]

Kei: Rise and shine, sweetie.  We'd like to have a talk with you.

[Scene switches position and reveals Jackson, bound and gagged, in a
chair in a room that looks, impossibly, like a medieval torture
chamber.  Kei is standing in front of him wearing a black robe and
twirling the blindfold she's just removed around one finger, still
leering.  Yuri and Damien, also in black robes, are off to one side.
Yuri is examining various torture devices while Damien is idly playing
with his sword.]

Jackson: [disoriented] Wha-what is this?

Kei: Awww, don't tell me you're unfamiliar with SF interrogation
techniques?

Jackson: [confused] N-no.  I mean, yes.  That is...?

Yuri: Hey wow a rack!  I've always want to put someone on one of
these!

Kei: [to Yuri] Not now, maybe later.  [to Jackson, who looks
frightened] Yes, well think of this as a game!  The way this goes is
that we ask you questions and you either answer truthfully or we hurt
you!  The game continues until either we run out of questions or you
die!  Simple, right?

Jackson: Uhhhh...

Kei: [frowning] I said, simple, RIGHT?

Jackson: Uh, yeah, right, simple, nothing to it.

Kei: [smiling angelically] See, you're getting the hang of it already!
OK, next question, what's your name?

Jackson: Milo.  Milo Jason.

Kei: BZZZT!  Wrong!  [slaps him then wags a finger in his face] We
already checked and know your name is Milo JACKSON.  You look rather
healthy for a man who died five years ago.  Can you tell us what
happened that led to your remarkable recovery?

Jackson: [sweating] Uhhh...

Kei: [to Damien] Damien, be a dear and bring that cart over, would
you?

Damien: [sheaths his sword, smiling] Certainly, Kei.  [wheels a cart
laden with scalpels, cattle prods, and other sundry pain causers]
There you go!

Kei: Thank you.  [picks up a knife and fingers the edge] Hmmm, a bit
dull.  [sharpens it] Much better!  [to Jackson] Oh, by the way, there
IS a time limit.

Jackson: [blurting] Five years ago, I was a truck driver.  For Golgom
Shipping, Inc.  But I guess you know that already, huh?

Kei: Remember who asks the questions, and who answers them.

Jackson: Right, right, sorry.  Anyways, one day I was fired, no
explanation, no reason for termination given.  I tried to get an
explanation, I mean I always worked hard and did a good job, and they
just up and fired me.  Said I could no longer cut it but didn't say
why not.

Kei: Your last performance evaluation said you were shifty and lazy.

Jackson: And it was wrong!  Check all my previous evaluations.  I was
one of the best damn drivers they had!  [notices Kei fingering the
knife suggestively] I swear to God it's true!

Damien: [to Yuri softly] Should the drug have taken affect by now?

Yuri: [whispering] Probably.  Which means he should be telling the
truth.

Kei: [after overhearing Damien and Yuri] OK, Mr. Jackson, assuming
it's true that you were unjustly fired, what happened then?

Jackson: I was a drifter mostly.  I mean, I tried to find another job,
but it's like no one else wanted to hire me.  All because of one
false, bad evaluation.  Lots of nights I'd go out, get drunk, get in a
fight, and get put in jail.  Burned almost my entire savings that way.
Then I met the Boss.

Kei: And who is the Boss?

Jackson: Well, I, uh, I don't know his name.  He never told me and I
never wanted to know.  Anyways, he and I, we used to talk a lot.  I
told him about getting fired and whatnot, and he nodded and
sympathized with me.  Then we'd talk about how unfair things were.

Kei: [prompting] What things?

Jackson: You know, the government, business, life, I guess.  He told
me about how people are so conditioned, so brainwashed by
whatchamacallit societal forces that stuff like what happened to me
could happen and no one would even bat an eyelash because no one
cared, especially not the government.  He said that was one of the
biggest problems with a corporate planet, that when it came to
disputes between corporations and citizens, the corporation won.  And
he told me about how he wanted to fix things, fix it up so it wouldn't
be so bad.  And he asked me if I wanted to help and I said sure.
[pause]

Kei: Go on.  What did you do after joining with the Boss?

Jackson: Well, pretty soon I realized he was a whaddayacallit
terrorist, so to speak.  But I trusted him and a lot of what he said
seemed RIGHT to me, know what I mean?  He helped me forge my death
records so's the government though I wasn't breathing anymore.  And he
had like a training camp, sort of, teaching us to fight and whatnot,
and sometimes he'd send people to get more recruits, or go himself.
And most of them were like me, people who'd lost their jobs or
whatever.  The ones he said had slipped through the cracks, so to
speak.  We spent years training and getting ready for when we'd make
our move.

Kei: And what was your move?

Jackson: Well, he never fully explained it.  But he said- [frowning]
He said- [shakes his head] He said that we would, like, eventually put
our people in control, y'know, of the government and whatnot.  [shakes
his head as if in pain]

Kei: Do you already have double agents working for you in the
government?

Jackson: That's what the boss says.  [his eyes become unfocused
momentarily before he shakes his head again to clear them] Businesses
too.  Calls `em sympathizers to our cause.

Kei: So where is this base?

Jackson: [furrowing his brows] The base?  It's...it's...NO!
[terrified] Nono, I can't tell you where the base is!

Kei: [harsher] Where is your base?

Jackson: [pleading] NO!  No, please, no, I can't, no, don't-!

Kei: [grabbing his shirt front] Where is it?!

Jackson: NO!  I can't tell, I can't, stop, NO!

Kei: [puts the knife up to his cheek] WHERE IS IT!?!

Jackson: NOOO!  [thrashes his head, cutting his cheek] No please stop
don't NOOO!!!  [throws his head back, howling in pain, blood streaming
down his face, then collapses in his chair]

Yuri: Ick!  What did you do this time, Kei?

Kei: [annoyed] Nothing, dammit!  He started flailing about and then he
passed out or something!  [starts slapping him] C'mon, wake up, buddy!

Damien: Is he alright?

HAL: He's dead, Damien.

[Stunned silence.  The trio look at each other.  Kei looks upset.]

Kei: [angrily] I don't believe this!  Dead?!  How could he be dead?!
He didn't even cut his jugular or anything else vital!  [throws down
the knife in frustration]

Damien: [thinking] Do not make her angry.  [to Kei, soothingly] Hey,
calm down, Kei-

Kei: Calm down?  CALM DOWN!?  Our best lead yet croaks and you want me
to calm down!?!  [storms out of the room]

Damien: Uhhh, Yuri, could you...?  [waving in Kei's direction]

Yuri: Sure.  [leaving] Hey Kei, wait up!

Damien: [thinking] Too late.  She's mad.  [quietly] HAL, perform a
full autopsy on Jackson.  Determine cause of death.  [to himself]
Whatever it was that killed him, it wasn't the knife.  [to HAL]
Forward results to HQ, let them what's happened.  Disengage hologram.

[The torture chamber vanishes, revealing that it was Damien's
holographic room, with only the cart and robes real.  He continues to
stare at Jackson's dead body until a robot takes it away.  He takes
off his robe, his regular clothes underneath, and puts it on the cart
then turns and leaves, finding Kei and Yuri, who have also taken off
their robes, in the dining room, eating cheesecake.  Kei is attacking
hers angrily while Yuri tries to cheer her up.]

Kei: [looks at Damien as he enters] So what killed him?

Damien: [sitting next to Kei] My guess is that some psychochemical
trigger was set off, killing him.  In order to make sure he didn't
reveal anything too important.  HAL will know for sure eventually.

Yuri: [sighing] And another potential lead goes up in smoke.  [to
Damien] So what now?

Damien: Well, we did get something useful out of him.  So cheer up!
We know a little bit more now.  HAL, check records of missing people
fitting Jackson's situation.

HAL: Already doing so, Damien.

Damien: I wish you'd tell me you're psychic, so I wouldn't have to
wear out my voice so much.  Kei, why don't you go to bed?  You don't
need to do anything else tonight and you look like you could use the
sleep.

Kei: [finishes cheesecake] Yeah, okay.  G'night Damien.  G'night Yuri.
[leaves]

Damien: I'm surprised she's taking it so hard.

Yuri: She might feel more than a little responsible for losing our
best information source.  She's probably mad at herself for letting
him die.

Damien: Do YOU blame her?

Yuri: No.  I mean, we all should have realized it sooner.

Damien: Yeah.  I should have had HAL scan him for some sort of death
mechanism like that before we starting interrogating him.  [pause as
the robobutler takes away the plates] Listen, do you want to go to
sleep too, maybe cheer Kei up some?

Yuri: [shaking her head] I think Kei wants to be alone for now.  And
considering the mood she's in, that's fine with me.  Maybe I'll look
at your data some.  Where's a terminal?

Damien: HAL, could you show her the way?

HAL: Of course.  [a robot whizzes up] If you would follow me, Miss
Yuri?

Yuri: [pauses] Yes, of course.  See you later, Damien.

Damien: Bye, Yuri.

[Yuri leaves, following the robot.  Damien gets up and walks into the
next room where a holophone is.  He sits down and punches in a code.
Yuri jacks into the terminal and starts typing.  Damien's call
connects and Plug's bust appears.]

Plug: So how'd it go with the prisoner?

Damien: He croaked.  PC trigger is my guess.  Told us some interesting
tidbits, though, like the fact the Disciples are supposed to have a
training camp somewhere.  How about the van?

Plug: Nada.  Unregistered, no serial numbers, no license, nothing
useful.  Not that there was much left to examine.

Damien: [wincing] Any casualities when it crashed?

Plug: Do you really want to know?

Damien: [grimacing] Probably not.

Plug: Benindict is "being a dict" about this.  He's seriously pissed,
Boss.

Damien: [smiling faintly] When is he not?  [pauses for a moment to
think] Look, could you arrange an orbital planet-wide scan?

Plug: Do I have your authority, or is this, ahhh, off the record?

Damien: No, if anyone gives you flak, tell `em to call me.  I have
carte blanche clearance on this case, `bout time it proved useful.

Plug: Then no problem.  I take it we're looking for the Disciples
hideout, right?

Damien: [nodding] Bingo.  Hopefully something useful will turn up.
Thanks, Plug.  I appreciate this.

Plug: You're welcome.  So, [smiling] how's it going with those two?

Damien: Good NIGHT, Plug.

Plug: Right, right.  Catch ya later, Boss.  [disconnects]

Damien: [hangs up and muses to himself] They call him Boss too.

[Cut to Yuri, who has stopped hacking to talk to Mughi using her
communicator.]

Yuri: Anyway, that's how things stand now.  We'll call you if we need
any help.  [pauses, then frowns] VERY funny, Mughi.  Good night.
[breaks the connection then gets back to hacking, yawning]

[Back to Damien, who is calling Max, a grease-stained brunette wearing
a baseball cap backwards.]

Max: Man, Damien, you really abused it this time.

Damien: I know, Max, I know.  So can you fix it?

Max: [wounded] Of COURSE I can fix it, it's a matter of how long it
takes.  Yer looking at at least a day or two, and THAT'S assuming I
have all the parts in stock.  If not, well, you know how long it takes
to get custom parts for this car.

Damien: As long as she flies, that's all I really care about.  You can
fix the other gadgets later.  I think I'm going to need her again
soon.

Max: [dubious] Well, I'll do what I can, but no guarantees.

Damien: There never are.  Thanks, Max, I really appreciate this.  I'll
buy you dinner sometime.

Max: [sourly] Naw, I'd have to shower first.  Bye, Damien.

Damien: See ya, Max.  [hangs up, mutters to himself] There's an
exception to every rule.  [louder] HAL, any luck?

HAL: I'm not finished yet, but it appears you were right.  Residual
traces of a psychochemical trigger are present in the brain.  Most
likely combined with hypnotic suggestion or indoctrination to activate
when certain questions were asked.  Rather effective and nasty, I
might add.

Damien: Thanks, HAL.  Lemme know what else you find out, OK?

HAL: Of course, Damien.

[Damien stands and strolls around the room, idly examining the
furnishings.  He stops when he comes to a holocube, featuring male and
female mercenaries in dirt-streaked armor posing for a picture, and
takes it down from its display case.  He examines a couple of the
figures carefully.  First there is someone who looks like an older
version of Damien but with a beard which is presumably his father.
Then there is the blond woman at his side, smiling broadly and holding
hands with Damien's father triumphantly in the air.  Finally he stops
to focus on a smiling, grizzled, grey-haired veteran standing on the
other side of Damien's father.  He fingers the cube idly for a moment
before replacing it.]

Damien: Good night, Boss.

[Damien exits the room, the lights shutting off automatically.  Only
the holocube glows dimly in the pitch darkness.]

[Switch to Yuri, who has fallen asleep at the terminal.  Damien passes
by the open door, notices Yuri, and comes in, smiling.  Gently he
disconnects the umbilical cord from her headjack and turns off the
terminal.  He picks her up, careful not to wake her up, and carries
her to her and Kei's room.  Leaving the lights off, he walks to the
empty bed, puts Yuri down, and tucks her in.]

Damien: [softly] Good night, Yuri.

[Damien heads out the door, which closes quietly behind him.  Kei sits
up and stares, first at the door then at Yuri, for a moment, then lies
down, closes her eyes, rolls over on one side, and falls asleep.]


			   SCENE 6

[Damien is in his room, sleeping restlessly on his bed.  He tosses and
turns, sweating profusely, evidently having a nightmare.  Switch to a
battle scene, possessing that hazy quality only dreams and flashbacks
possess.  His old mercenary unit is engaged in a battle in a narrow
canyon, evidently under attack from the ledges.  A high wind is
blowing reddish-brown sand around, obscuring everything.  View of
Damien in his powered armor suit, sweating.]

Damien: [to himself] I hate ambushes!

Damien's father: [over the radio] Damien!  Fall back!  Get out of the
canyon now!

Damien: What about the rest of the team?!

Damien's father: Don't worry about us!  Go!

Damien: Are you crazy?!  SIR!  You'll need everyone just to-

[Damien's father's mech appears out of the swirling dust, looming over
Damien]

Damien's father: Dammit, that's an order!  Get out of here now!

Damien: No way I'm-

[Damien's father fires his shock cannon at Damien, who screams in pain
from the electrical jolt before passing out.]

Damien's father: [muttering] I don't have time for this.

[Damien's father picks up Damien's suit with one hand while clearing
off a nearby transport sled with a swipe of his other hand and places
Damien flat on it.]

Damien's father: HAL, get him out of here.

HAL: Of course, sir.  [pause] Goodbye, sir.

[The transport sled starts up, hovers, and rushes out of the canyon,
dodging or absorbing fire as Damien's father covers its flight.  Just
as it escapes, more of Damien's team approaches Damien's father.]

Teammate 1: So this is how it ends, huh, sir?

Damien's father: I...I'm sorry.

Teammate 2: Hey, don't get sentimental on us yet, sir!  Gotta wait at
least until you're old enough to retire first, sir.

Teammate 3: Yeah, I don't mind dying, but I'll be damned if it's
because you've gone senile.  Sir.

Damien's father: [smiling thinly] Damn straight.  [louder, in a
commanding tone] Black Blade Company, move out!

[The hoversled is sailing across a desert, the canyon rapidly
receeding in the distance.  Damien regains consciousness.]

Damien: Ow.  Shit.  Shot by own father.  [notices he's moving] Huh?!
Wha-?!  [realizes what's happening] HAL, turn this thing around now!
[thinking] My suit's frozen!

HAL: I'm sorry, Damien, but I must comply with your father's last
order.

Damien: Huh?  Last order?  Don't gimme this shit and turn us around n-

[A tremendous explosion from the canyon rocks the canyon walls,
causing them to collapse in a huge avalance, completely burying the
canyon floor and sending up huge clouds of dust and sand.  Damien
stares in wide-eyed horror at his monitor.]

Damien: [whispering] No.  [louder as he shuts his eyes] No.

[Abruptly Damien bolts upright in bed, awake, his mouth open as if he
was about to scream, the dream over.  He takes several deep breaths,
rubbing the back of one hand across his sweaty brow, the other
clutching his bare chest tightly as if in pain.]

Damien: Lights, HAL.

HAL: Of course, Damien.

[The lights come on.  Rubbing the back of his neck and his eyes,
Damien gets up, underwear-clad.  He winces with each step towards the
door.]

HAL: Are you alright, Damien?

Damien: [stops walking] I'm touched by this show of concern by
everyone in the last twenty four hours for my health, but I'm okay.
Damn PKs are giving me a bloody headache, that's all.

HAL: Are you sure?  I took the liberty of checking the medical
records, and those were not minor injuries you received yesterday.
Fractured and broken ribs, punctured lung-

Damien: Yeah yeah, I know.  But the operation was successful so I'll
get well.

HAL: [hint of disbelief] Perhaps, but you did leave post-OP recovery
against the recommendations of the doctors.

Damien: [vaguely annoyed] If I want a nurse or a wife, I'll let you
know.  In the meantime, just trust me, all right?

HAL: [unconvinced, but forced to agree] As you wish, Damien.

Damien: Thank you, HAL.

[Damien heads out the door, stumbling a bit as he makes his way to the
bathroom.  Kei and Yuri are coming toward him, bright-eyed and
cheerful, dressed in uniform, and eyeing him speculatively.]

Damien: [thinking] Oh God, please tell me they're not morning people.

Yuri: [smiling] Gooood morning!

Kei: [also smiling] How are you doing today, Damien?

Damien: [thinking] They are.  Great.  [to Kei and Yuri, with forced
friendliness] Better, once I take a shower and have some caffeine
flowing through my veins.

HAL: The coffee is being fixed even as you speak, Damien.

Damien: Great.  [yawning] Excuse me, ladies, but I'm less than civil
right now, so if you don't mind-

Yuri: [moving to one side] Of course not.

Kei: [moving to the other side] Do you need any help?

Damien: [smiling] Thanks, but I've been washing myself for quite some
time, I think I'll manage.

[Damien proceeds past the Pair towards the bathroom while Kei and Yuri
watch him go with interest.  After he disappears, they smile at each
other.]

Kei: Not too shabby.

Yuri: Oh, so I suppose you're flushed with fever right now because
you're sick, right?

Kei: Yeah, it must be contagious, since apparently you have it too.

Yuri: [pretending to ignore Kei] HAL, what's for breakfast?

HAL: What do you want?

Kei: We need one of these back on the Lovely Angel, Yuri.

Yuri: Yeah, then I don't have to deal with your cooking.

Kei: Funny, I was going to say the same thing about yours.

HAL: Alas, I am afraid I am one of a kind.  But I will try my best to
fix you a suitable breakfast to compensate.

Yuri: [thinking] Hmmm, what should it be?

[Damien is standing in the shower, his head bowed in the water stream,
leaning with both hands against the wall {who says we pander only to
male prurient interests?}.  He eventually turns off the water, steps
out, dries himself, wraps a towel around his waist, and goes back
towards his room.  The Pair are still in the hallway, thinking about
breakfast, as he comes back.]

Yuri: THAT was fast.

Damien: [smiling] It's a gift.  [goes into his room]

Kei: [eyeing Damien's door] Hmmm...

Yuri: I don't think that counts, Kei.

Kei: [shrugging] Oh well, some other time then.  I almost can't deal
with all these possibilities.

Yuri: Considering what you usually have for breakfast, I'm not
surpised.

[The Pair head off toward the dining room, while Damien is getting
dressed in his uniform.  His injuries make his movements stiff and
awkward at times.  Having apparently made up their minds, the Pair are
examining Damien's gear while waiting for HAL to fix breakfast.
Damien comes in unseen, sipping coffee, his wet hair tied back in a
ponytail again, as the Pair are examining his gun.]

Kei: [showing Yuri an ammo clip] Wow, real bullets.  [hefting the gun]
Heavy, too.

Yuri: Yeesh.  I didn't think anyone carried these any more.  Next
thing you know you'll be seeing shell casings.

Damien: It was my father's gun.

Kei: [surprised and a little embarassed at being caught] Oh.  Sorry,
just looking at your stuff.

Damien: S'okay.  As long as you don't fire it in here.

Yuri: How come you still use it?  Getting ammo must be a pain.

Damien: [shrugging] It has to be custom-made, but I know someone who
does it relatively cheap.  Why I use it?  I dunno, sentimental
reasons, maybe.  My father thought it was a good luck charm.  The one
time he didn't carry it with him was the mission he died on, so maybe
it is lucky.  [smiling] And it lets me pull off neat stunts like the
one yesterday with the mech.

Kei: Can't argue with that.  [puts the gun back in its holster]

Yuri: Damien, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up-

Damien: [waving it away] You didn't know.  It doesn't bother me
anymore anyways.  [puts down his coffee mug, takes the utility belt
and gun holster and dons them, smiles] Much better.  I feel kind of
vulnerable without it.  So, Yuri, did you learn anything useful last
night?

Yuri: Oh.  Ahhh, not really.  [looking uncomfortable] And, uhhh,
thanks for, um...

Damien: No sweat.  [smiling] You would have woken up with my keyboard
impanted on the side of your face, and I couldn't allow that, now
could I?

Yuri: [laughing nervously] I guess not.

Kei: Say, don't you dry your hair?

Damien: Who, me?  I figure, why bother?  It's a pain to do it myself
and it does it well enough on its own.  I'm just going to wash it
again in another twenty four hours, so why waste time on it?

Yuri: Really?  What a shame.  You have nice hair.

Damien: [shrugging] Hair is hair.  The only differences I can ever
tell is length and color, and the only one I ever care about is
length; the longer the better in my opinion.

Yuri: Yours or other people's?

Damien: Both.

Kei: [a bit annoyed] So what's our next move?

Damien: [shrugs] Beats me.  I thought you might know.  I asked Plug to
arrange for a planet-wide scan.  Told him to look for the Disciples
base.  Of course, if they have any sort of anti-sensor equipment it'll
probably be practically worthless, but if they're as big as I think
they are, there's bound to be at least SOME form of radiation seeping
out.  Nothing useful in the van's wreakage, by the way.

Kei: Big surprise.

Damien: Beyond that, I'm not sure what other leads we have to follow
up.

Yuri: [thoughtfully] Y'know, Jackson mentioned he met the Boss in some
bar, right?

Damien: Yeah.  Go on.

Yuri: [slowly] Well, he also used to get into bar room brawls, right?
And he probably got arrested more than once, right?  SO if one of the
bars he got arrested in was the one he met the Boss in, it should be
on file, right?

Damien: You may have something there.  Old police records should
indicate which bars he got arrested in.  Kind of a long shot,
though...

Kei: Hey, didn't he say something about how they'd recruit people
who'd, like, lost their jobs and whatnot?  Well, maybe they recruited
them from the same sort of bars, y'know, where they'd go after getting
fired, drowning their sorrows or whatever.  And maybe some of these
recruits were also the type to get in bar room brawls too!

Damien: [regarding the Pair with respect] Brains AND beauty.  What a
combination.  HAL, did you hear?

HAL: Yes, Damien.

Damien: Good.  Start scanning old records for people meeting those
sort of qualifications; fired, record of public drunkenness and
brawling, death under "mysterious" circumstances, cross reference it.
Look for suitable patterns.

HAL: Of course, Damien, I'll get right on it.  Oh, by the way,
breakfast is ready.

Damien: Thanks, HAL.  [to the Pair, smiling] Care to join me for
breakfast?

Kei & Yuri: Of course.

Damien: [muttering] Maybe this assignment isn't so bad after all.

Kei & Yuri: What's THAT supposed to mean?!

Damien: [to himself] Oops.  I think I'm in trouble.

[During breakfast, Damien apparently off the hook, HAL interrupts.]

HAL: I've completed the autopsy, Damien.

Damien: [swallowing] OK, let's have it.

HAL: In addition to the psychochemical trigger, I found residual
traces of a sandsnake venom extract.

Damien: Which variant?

HAL:  Beta.

Damien: [thoughtfully] Hmmm...

Yuri: What's beta variant sandsnake venom extract?

Damien: It's a purified version of sandsnake venom, something nasty in
its own right which ordinarily has lots of effects on the human body.
The beta variant, when ingested, makes the victim susceptible to
verbal suggestions, particularly when reinforced over time.

Kei:  Gee, would it work if you, say, put it in someone's beer?

HAL: Considering the fact that alcohol in no way neutralizes the
venom, and may in fact enhance its overall effect on the brain, I
would say yes.

Yuri:  And if you kept the victim on it for months, maybe years...

Damien: You end up with one really devout terrorist.  VERY slick.
HAL, any luck with that list of bars?

HAL: I have found a number of potential places, all located in
downtown Vanaheim City.

Damien:  Figures.  All appropriately seedy, I suppose?

HAL: Indeed.

Damien: I think we're going information gathering after breakfast.

Yuri: Oh goody!

Kei: This oughta be interesting!

Damien: [thinking] I believe they're taking just a BIT too much
delight in this job.  [to the Pair] Um, it might be a good idea to
leave the uniforms behind.  People there are unlikely to feel like
talking to us if they knew who we are.  HAL can synthesize some
clothes for you if you need some.

Kei:  The perfect husband!

Damien:  Or wife.  It all depends on your point of view.

Yuri:  Probably want concealable holsters too.

Damien: Yup.  Carrying weapons openly is another no-no.

Kei: Cool!  We get to go undercover!

[Later, the trio are entering a seedy bar.  Damien is dressed pretty
much the same as usual, except his jacket lacks the SF emblem on the
chest and he is no longer wearing the utility belt.  Kei and Yuri are
dressed in as much or as little as the reader feels is appropriate.
The bar is pretty empty except for the bartender and a couple of early
drunkards.]

Yuri: [whispering to Damien] Is this the place?

Damien: [whispering back] According to HAL it's the best place to
start.

Kei: [walks up to the bartender, smiling winningly] I was wondering if
you could help us.

Bartender: [returning Kei's smile] Depends.  Whaddaya need?

Kei: Right now, some information.  [suggestively] Later...who knows?

Damien: [whispering to Yuri] She's practiced this before, hasn't she?

Yuri: [whispering] For Kei, it's an artform.

Bartender: Info is money.  What have you got to offer?

Kei: [leans forward slightly] Oh, I'm sure we can work
out...something.

Bartender: [raising an eyebrow] I'll bet.  So what do you want to
know?

Kei: Well, [digging around in a pocket, pulls out a picture of
Jackson] I've been trying to find this guy.  Can you help?

Bartender: [looks at the picture] Why you want to find him?

Kei: Info is money, remember?

Bartender: Right, right.  I don't need to know that bad.

Kei: Well, anyways, I heard he used to hang around here a long time
ago.  Got into a couple of brawls even.

Bartender: Hmmm, yeah, now that you mention it, I think I recognize
him.  He started a really big fight four or five years ago.
[laughing] We had to close for a week in order to repair the damages.
I haven't seen him since; my boss refused to ever let him back in.
Heard he died, though.  Fraid you're wasting your time, lady.

Kei: [innocently] Really?  He's dead?  Imagine that...  Do you know if
I could find any friends of his?  It's REALLY important to me.

Bartender: Well, I've heard rumors he'd fallen in with this weird
dude.  Some revolution spouter.

Kei: Really?  Wow.

Bartender: [nodding] Yeah.  This revolutionary, he goes around,
talking to these poor drunk saps, suckering them with his talk, then
one day they get killed.  Probably his fault too.  But he just goes
on, collecting more wretches.  [snorts] Maybe he's doing a public
service.  Half these guys can't afford their bar bills anyway.

Kei: Do you know if there's any way I could find him?

Bartender: Well, I haven't seen him around lately, but he usually
comes around once in a while.  In the evenings.  You may want to check
back later.  Or try some other bar; I hear he goes around to all of
them.

Kei: Great!  I'll see you this evening then, if you're here.  [eyeing
him coyly] We can discuss your...payment then.

Bartender: [smiling] Later, then.

Kei: [waving] Bye!  [whispering to Kei and Damien] Let's go.

[The three leave, the bartender watching them - well, Kei and Yuri at
least - go.  A few moments later, a big bruiser emerges from a back
room.]

Bruiser: Was that them?

Bartender: [nodding] Tell the Boss they'll probably come back later
this evening.  He'll know what to do.

[The bruiser nods and goes back through the door.  Meanwhile the trio
in question are walking around outside.]

Yuri: So what do you think?

Damien: Pretty eager to answer your questions, for all his "info is
money" crap.

Kei: [grinning] Hey, wouldn't you?

Damien: [smiling] Probably.  But there's still something I don't
like...

Kei: Aw, c'mon, he just fell sway to my infinite charms.

Yuri: [snorting] There's a subtle difference between "charm" and
"seduce," Kei.

Kei: [waving it away] Whatever.  It got the job done and it didn't
cost us anything, right?

Damien: Can't argue with her effectiveness, I'll admit.

Kei: So anyways, we make a run through the rest of the bars, scope `em
out, then come back tonight, right?  Piece of cake.

Damien: [doubtfully] I guess.

Yuri: Oh quit worrying so much, Damien.  Even I agree with Kei, this
shouldn't be too much trouble.  Especially if Kei is willing to play a
tramp.

Damien:  It's my job to worry.

Kei: [fuming] Who are you calling a tramp?!

Yuri: Well, what else do you call it, leading contacts by the nose
like that?  Or maybe that's the wrong portion of their anatomy.

Kei: I suppose you could do better, right, Miss Perfect?!

[Damien is slowly edging his way backwards.]

Damien: [thinking] They're going to get me killed.

Yuri: I could at least be a little less...obvious.  You did the same
sort of thing back in school.

Kei: Well, I've never known you to be adverse to showing a little
skin, either!  Or have you forgotten that time on Kalevala when you
suckered that guy out of his aircar!?

Yuri: It doesn't mean I have to behave like you!

Kei: Naw, you just choose to, right!?

Damien: Umm, could we-

Kei & Yuri: WHAT!?!

Damien: Nothing nothing go back to whatever it was you were
discussing.

[Kei and Yuri continue arguing as Damien just shakes his head.]

Damien: [thinking] Correction.  They're going to kill me.


			   SCENE 7

[Damien's apartment.  Yuri is using the holo-trainer, taking on three
holographic foes bare-handed.  Kei is nearby, watching professional
wrestling and getting emotionally worked up.  Damien can be seen
through a doorway, talking to Plug on the phone.]

Plug: [dubious] I can do it, no sweat, but are you sure you want me to
build it?  If someone else gets it-

Damien: [cutting him off] So build a security system into it.  Or I'll
break it myself if need be.  But build it.  I think I'm going to need
it.

Plug: Well, if you're sure, but I'm not taking the heat if something
goes wrong.

Damien: I'll take full responsibility.  Any luck with the scan?

Plug: I sent the results to HAL for analysis.  I took a quick look and
didn't notice anything suspicious.

Damien: HAL?

HAL: I'm sorry, Damien, but I have examined the results carefully and
can find nothing out of the ordinary.

Damien: Nothing?  Are you sure?

HAL: I could check again, but I have already scrutinized it five times
with varying search patterns.  No suspicious structures, no abnormal
energy readings, no indication of high concentrations of human beings
where there shouldn't be.

Damien: Well, check again just to be sure.

HAL: Certainly, Damien.

Plug: Think Jackson was lying?

Damien: [thoughtfully] It's possible, I suppose, but after we doped
him he should have been incapable of lying.  At least about something
that major.  But it may have interacted oddly with the sandsnake venom
extract in his blood.  [musing] Now where would I hide a terrorist
training camp?  Someplace I couldn't be found, no matter how hard
someone looked.

[Pause as both Damien and Plug consider.  Suddenly Plug snaps his
fingers.]

Plug: I got it!  The Feld Desert!

Damien: [energetically] Of course!  Why didn't I think of it?!  It's
so obvious!  The sand would interfere with any sensor reading!
Perfect camouflage!  You'd be lucky to spot a base visually if you
were right next to it!

Plug: You could build it underground, avoid any detection!

Damien: Brilliant!  HAL, concentrate your search on the Feld Desert.

HAL: I already am, Damien, after you and Plug mentioned it as a likely
possibility.

Damien: Thanks, HAL.  [to Plug] Tell the others about this, have them
modify the suits for desert action.  And get working on that item.

Plug: [nodding] I'm on it, Boss.  Later.  [disconnects]

[Yuri has managed to eliminate two of her foes.  She jumps, flips, and
attempts a handstand on the shoulders of the last one, but passes
right through it instead.  Fortunately, she recovers from her surprise
and defeats it anyway.  The wrestling match has been interrupted with
commercials, leaving Kei grumbling.]

Kei: Judge must be blind, that was an illegal move if I ever saw
one...

Yuri: [panting and sweating] It's not like you never used it.

[Commercial switches to a news update.  The anchor is droning in the
background with a picture of a middle-aged man inset in the corner.
The Pair ignore it.]

Anchor: Prime Minister candidate Frank Drebbin held a press conference
today, denouncing the current administration-

Kei: There aren't any rules in our fights, but there are supposed to
be ones in wrestling.  What's the point of rules if no one follows
them?

Yuri: [facetiously] Gee, are you suuure you're the same Kei I work
with?  Ms. Rules-Were-Meant-To-Be-Broken.

[Damien is talking with Max on the phone.  The news continues in the
background.]

Anchor: -in particular its inability to deal with the recent surge in
terrorist activities-

Max: Well, she'll fly, but no promises I can get the mods done in
time.

Damien: Do your best.  I need it to be ready for Feld Desert duty, and
probably soon.  Tonight, perhaps.

Kei: Awww, that's different and you know it.

Yuri: [smiling] Oh reeeeally?  How?

Anchor: -committed by an organization known as the Disciples of
Cerberus-

Max: I'll let you know when the work's done.

Damien: Great.  Thanks, Max.  Bye.  [hangs up]

Kei: It just burns me up that they waste their time having judges and
whatnot and they can't even make a simple call!

Yuri: Wow, I had no idea you cared.

Anchor: -recent polls show Drebbin possesses a significant lead over
incumbent Leslie Nelson-

Kei: If you're implying I don't follow regs-

Yuri: Nothing could be further from my mind.  After all, you certainly
can't be expected to follow rules you're not aware of.

Anchor: -rumors that the 3WA has been petitioned for assistance and in
particular that the infamous "Dirty Pair" have been sent-

[Damien is restraining Kei and Yuri from shooting his TV.]

Anchor: -have been denied by Vanaheim officials.  According to
Department of Internal Security chief Benindict, "This is a local
problem and will be dealt with on the local level."

TV voice: We now return to Wrestlers Galore.

[Wrestling program resumes.  Damien lets go of the Pair, who calm
down.]

Yuri: [apologetically] Sorry.

Kei: Yeah.  Guess it's kind of a reflex action for us.

Damien: [less than thrilled but not interested in pressing the point]
Forget it.  I have news.  Apparently the Disciples are located in the
Feld Desert.

Yuri: Really?

HAL: Damien, I have not ver-

Damien: [cutting in excitedly] It's like Sherlock Holmes says, "when
you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however
improbable, must be the truth."

Yuri: Why are they in this Feld Desert?

Kei: [to herself] Who's Sherlock Holmes?

Damien: It because of the sand.  It's not silicon, but a fine metallic
compound.  Completely screws with instrument readings, particularly
during sandstorms.  Hides them perfectly from planetary sweeps.  Plus
it's the native habitat of sandsnakes.

Kei: Meaning they'd have a ready supply of venom extract for
recruiting.

Damien: [nodding] Right.  Hell, they may even be raising them.  No one
else has managed to, but that doesn't mean they can't.

Yuri: If that's so, how do we find them?

Damien: Looks like we're going to have to hope our lead works out
tonight.

Kei: Still worried?

Damien: A bit.  Of all the bars we went to, only that one remembered
Jackson and his recruiter.  That bartender has one hell of a memory.
That, or...

Yuri: You think we're being set up?

Damien: It's possible.  I just think we should be ready for trouble.

Kei: We always are!

[Later.  Damien is putting on his shoulder holster and strapping his
sword to his back, hilt down.  He puts on his jacket and checks to
make sure the sword and gun are hidden.  Nodding, he starts stuffing
sundry items in pockets.]

HAL: Damien, Max has just returned the car.

Damien: Great.  Thanks, HAL.  [puts on glasses]

[Kei and Yuri enter, smiling, dressed in something appropriately
stunning, and pose for Damien's benefit.]

Yuri: Well?

Kei: What do you think?

Damien: [thinking] Wow.  [to the Pair, bowing] Even more enchanting
than ever.  [smiling] Dressed to kill?

Kei: Always.

Damien: Time to go, then.

[Later the trio are entering the bar.  A large crowd is present, much
of which is centered around a heavy metal band playing on a small
stage.  All male eyes lock on to the Pair.  The trio approach the bar,
apparently oblivious to the attention they're drawing.  The bartender
sees Kei and waves.  Kei smiles and waves back.]

Kei: So is he here?

Bartender: Yup.  You're in luck.  He's over in the corner table
drinking.  Big blond dude.

Kei: Thanks.  [winking] I'll see you later.

Bartender: [grinning] Later.

[The trio make their way over to the corner.  The suspected recruiter,
a large, muscular male {the Arnie effect!} with long blond hair, is
quietly sipping his drink, watching as the trio approach.  The band
stops for a break just as the three reach him.]

Recruiter: May I help you?

Kei: [sitting down, smiling] That depends.  We hear you're sort of a,
ahhh, sympathizer, so to speak.

Yuri: That you try to cheer people up when they're down.

Damien: [softly] That you don't particularly like the government.

Recruiter: [smiling thinly] Did you rehearse that?  [seriously] That
may be true.  What does it matter to you if it is?

Kei: [innocently] Oh nothing really, we were just wondering if you
could help us find an old friend of ours.

Yuri: [shows a picture] Milo Jackson.

Recruiter: Ah.  I believe I remember him.  Poor fellow was killed some
time ago, I believe.  Hit and run accident or some such.  [pause] You,
ah, certainly took your time to inquire about your "friend."

Kei: We've been away for a long time.

Damien: Anyway, we heard the same thing, but we sort of feel that he
may have...faked his death.

Recruiter: Good heavens, whatever for?

[Switch to a darkened room, looking over the shoulder of the terrorist
leader, who is watching the trio talking with the recruiter on a
security monitor.  His helper is standing nearby.]

Helper: What do you think, Boss?

Leader: Let's wait a bit.

Kei: That's what we want to know.

Yuri: We thought you could help.

Recruiter: I'm sorry, but I doubt I could.

Damien: Oh really?  Why not?

Kei: We were under the impression you were quite close to him before
he died.

Yuri: Isn't there anything you could tell us?

Recruiter: Not really.  I bought him a few drinks, tried to help him
back on his feet, that's all.

Yuri: We thought you were some sort of political agitator.

Damien: That you were influencing him.

Kei: That maybe, just maybe, you were a part of a...group.

Helper: It looks like the reports about Jackson's capture were true.

Leader: Yes, unfortunately.  I'm going to miss him.  But since they
haven't caught on to the fact they're talking to the wrong person yet,
perhaps his death wasn't in vain.

Recruiter: Not really.  We talked often, but nothing more than idle
chatter.

Damien: Just out of curiosity, are you familiar with beta sandsnake
extract?

Recruiter: I've heard of it.  Isn't that the one that makes a person
susceptible to verbal suggestions?

Leader: [sighing] I had hoped to avoid this for a while, but...  [into
a mike] Kill them.  But make it look like a bar room brawl.

[A group of thugs detaches itself from the bar and makes its way
towards the quartet.  The band has started up again, blaring away.]

Damien: It certainly is.  Ever-

Thug 1: [with a drunken slur to Kei] Hey honey, wanna dance?

Kei: [icily] No thanks pal.

Thug 1: [putting a hand on her arm] Aw, c'mon, it'll be great!

Thug 2: Y'c'n even bring yer friend.  [grabs Yuri's shoulder] How
`bout it, beutiful?

Damien: They're not interested, boys.  Try not to trip on your way
out.

Thug 3: Hey pal, keep out of this!

Damien: Shouldn't you guys be out molesting children right now?

Thug 3: [livid] Why you bastard!  [pulls out a knife and lunges]

[Damien dodges, still sitting, the knife whistling past his head, then
grabs the thug's arm and breaks it.]

Yuri: [muttering] REAL good.

Thug 1: C'mon, honey.  [snuggles Kei]

Kei: Let go, asshole!  [slams her palm up into his chin, knocking him
back]

[Yuri sighs, shaking her head, then elbows the thug standing behind
her in the gut.  He groans, clutching his stomach.  Yuri follows up
with her fist, knocking him out.]

Remaining thugs: GET `EM!!

[All hell breaks loose.  The trio jump to their feet and let the thugs
have it, bare-handed.  Breaking chairs and smashing tables, they
engage in one hell of a brawl.  It's when the other patrons in the bar
start pulling out guns that Damien realizes something is amiss.]

Damien: They're trying to kill us!

Kei: It's a trap!

Yuri: What was your first clue?!

[Damien kicks over a table for cover and the trio dive behind it as
shots go off.  They pull out their guns.]

Yuri: So much for subtlety.

Kei: I don't believe this!

Damien: What's not to believe?  [pulls out a small disc] Cover your
eyes.

[The Pair do so as Damien hurls the disc.  It explodes in a flash of
light, blinding almost everyone in the room.  The recruiter, however,
appears unaffected as he gets up, knocks the table aside, and charges
the trio.  Damien fires on him.  Multiple explosive rounds make his
head and torso disappear in a cloud of smoke and he falls on his
back.]

Damien: Go for the bar!

[The trio run and vault the bar just as some of their assailants
recover and start firing wildly.  The bartender is still behind the
bar, rubbing his eyes.]

Kei: [angrily] Payback time, asshole!  [Shoots the bartender in the
head]

Yuri: You know, we MIGHT have been able to question him.

Kei: Screw `em all.

Damien: [smiling] Careful what you say, they might think it's an
offer.

[The three, crouched behind the bar, trade shots with the other people
in the bar.]

Kei: Shame on you, you naughty boy!

Damien: Sorry, old habits die hard.  {Or is it...never mind!} [wryly]
Are all your dates like this?

Yuri: No, usually they're MUCH more exciting.

Damien: Any more excitement and I'll need a stretcher.  Or a bed.

[The smoke around the recruiter's head clears and he slowly stands up,
his gunshot wounds revealing he is a cyborg.  Someone lobs a grenade
at the bar, blowing up the trio's cover.]

Kei, Yuri, & Damien: SHIT!!

[The Pair jump into the thick of things, while Damien turns on the
recruiter.]

Damien: [drawing his sword] There was a time when a man died when you
shot him in his head.

Cyborg: [with a nasty grin] Guess this is your bad day then.

Damien: [smiling] Nah, just means I have to work overtime.

[The recruiter charges Damien who leaps out of the way, making an
ineffective strike with his sword.  Kei fumbles with a grenade,
lobbing it and blowing up the stage.  Yuri hurls the Bloody Card,
which for a change swipes through a number of people before she
catches it.]

Yuri: Perfect!  [shoots someone]

Kei: For once.  [kicks someone]

[Damien dodges another attack by jumping onto a table.  The cyborg
smashs the table to splinters as he attacks again, but Damien leaps
over him, slaming his sword into the cyborg's neck as he passes, then
lands on the floor.  The cyborg wipes the back of his neck with his
hand, which is covered with a oily yellow liquid.]

Cyborg: [furiously] You son of a bitch!

Damien: Let's not get personal about this.

Cyborg: I'll rip your head off!

Damien: Sounds painful.  I'll pass.

Yuri: Oh, you're just sour graping again.  [punches someone]

Kei: Ha!  That damn thing's more unreliable than-

[Unseen by Kei, another thug sneaks up behind her with a club.]

Yuri: Kei!  Behind you!

[Too late, Kei is hit on the back of the head and falls to the
ground.]

Yuri: KEI!!

[Damien, momentarily distracted by Yuri's scream, also gets punched in
the head.]

Cyborg: HA!  What you get for letting yourself get distracted.

[Damien wipes a trickle of blood from his mouth with the back of his
sword hand.]

Damien: I'll keep that in mind.  Guess I should stop fooling around,
then.  [shoots out the cyborg's eyes, blinding him]

Cyborg: [clutching his face] You bastard!  I'll kill you!

Damien: [maneuvers around behind the cyborg] Somehow- [puts the gun up
to the back of the cyborg's neck, where the sword wound is] -I doubt
it.  [fires several times into the wound, decapitating the cyborg]
Overconfidence killed the cyborg.  [reloads gun]

[Yuri is fighting like a woman possessed to protect her partner.  Kei
sits up, rubbing her head.  Damien notices the leader and helper
emerge from an office and surreptiously make their way to the door.]

Kei: Ouch, that hurt.  [startled when someone nearly steps on her]
Bastard!  [shoots him in the groin]

Damien: Kei!  Yuri!  [pointing at the fleeing terrorists] Stop them!

Yuri: [gasping] Stop them yourself!  We're busy!

[Damien almost retorts but gets attacked and says nothing.  The two
are almost out the door before Damien starts to chase them.]

Damien: Stop!  [to himself] How come that never works?

[Damien leaps dramatically through a glass window.  A few moments
later, Kei and Yuri have finally finished off the remaining thugs.
Corpses abound in the thoroughly wrecked bar.]

Yuri: This is like a bad habit.

Kei: Harder to quit than smoking.  Where'd Damien go?

Yuri: Outside.  Let's go.

[The two terrorists run up to their hovercar in an alleyway.  Damien
charges out of the nearby shadows, knocking them both away from the
doors.  He points his gun and sword at them.]

Damien: Alright, you two are-

[Damien stops, pale, as he (and the reader too) sees the terrorist
leader's face for the first time.  It's the same white-haired man as
in the holopicture of Damien's old mercenary team.]

Damien: [shocked whisper] Boss?

Leader: Damien?

Helper: [draws a gun, aiming at Damien's head] Boss!  Look out!

Leader: NO!

[The leader knocks the gun downward as it goes off.  Damien is hit in
the stomach, knocked down by the blast onto his back, just as Kei and
Yuri arrive.]

Kei & Yuri: DAMIEN!!

[The Pair fire at the terrorists as they jump into the hovercar.  The
fans start, kicking up debris, temporarily blinding the Pair, and
swirling Damien's hair.]

Damien: [whispering] Boss...

Kei: Shit!

Yuri: Damien!

[The Pair kneel at his side.]

Kei: He's bleeding!

Yuri: Quick, call an ambulance!

[Kei uses her communicator as Yuri rips open Damien's jacket.  Sure
enough, the shot penetrated his armor and his stomach.  Yuri takes off
her jacket, futilely trying to staunch the bleeding with it.  The
scene fades out.]

Kei: I need a MedEvac, these coordinates, now!

Yuri: Dammit Damien, you can't die!


			   SCENE 8

[A hospital room.  The Pair are talking quietly with a doctor.  Damien
is lying in bed, hooked up to whatever sort of machines you expect to
find in a mid-22nd century hospital recovery room.]

Yuri: Shouldn't he be awake by now?

Doctor: Not necessarily.  We gave him some pretty heavy sedatives.

Kei: So will he be alright?

Doctor: He should be.  A decimeter higher and he'd be dead.

Damien: [hoarsely] A decimeter lower wouldn't've been too good either.

Kei & Yuri: DAMIEN?!  [rush to his side]

Damien: [smiling weakly] In the bed.

Doctor: Which is where you'll stay for some time.  It'll be at least
24 hours before you can get up.  You're pretty lucky.

Damien: So they tell me.

Doctor: As it is we expect you to make a full recovery.

Damien: You sound almost disappointed.  So when you say I'm stuck
here, is that because I won't be able to get up or you won't let me
up?

Doctor: We replaced quite a bit of your intestinal tract.  It'll be a
while before you'll want to get up.  Trust me on this one.  You WILL
stay in bed even if I have to sit on you.

Damien: [sly smile] Yes, ma'am.  So is that meant as a threat or what?

Doctor: Do you really want to find out?

Damien: Not particularly.

Doctor: I'll check up on you later tonight.  [leaves]

Kei: How do you feel?

Damien: Whaddaya mean how do I feel?  I've just been shot through the
stomach - excuse me, intestinal tract - undergone intensive surgery,
and have enough PKs in me to stock a hypochondriac's medicine
cabinent.  I'd say I feel like shit except it's probably all been
burned away.  You'll forgive me if I'm less than cheerful.

Kei: Sheesh, what do you want, sympathy?

Yuri: What happened to all your "I'll live" crap?

Damien: That's the trouble with all that macho bullshit.  It keeps
coming back at you, like a boomerang.

Yuri: `Bout time you noticed.

Damien: [sighs] Thanks for the concern.  I take it there isn't anyone
left to question.

Kei: Us?  I thought YOU were going to take care of it.

Damien: Right.  Never mind.  So what have you been up to since my
brush with death?

Yuri: We poked around what was left of the bar, searching for clues.

Kei: Until the cops arrived.  I guess they weren't too fond of us.

Damien: [muttering] I wonder why.

Yuri: Anyway, they took over the investigation.  So we've just been
waiting for you to wake up.

Damien: Really?  Why bother?  You should just get some sleep.

Kei: We were worried about you, you dolt!

Damien: What's that got to do with sleep?

Yuri: [angry] You-

[Before Yuri can continue, Damien's team bursts into the room, Robert
in the lead.]

Plug: [grinning] See?  I told you not to worry!

Robert: [smiling] On the verge of dying and he still snares the best!

Jerry: What's your secret, Boss?

Damien: [with a forced smile] What can I say?  I'm lucky.

Kei: What the hell are you doing?!

Yuri: This is a hospital, not a locker room!  Out!

Kei: Visiting hours are over!

Damien's team: Yes, ma'ams!  [march out]

Damien: [wryly] I had no idea you two were nurses.

Kei: Look, just do us a favor and try not to die, okay?  [leaves]

Damien: She has a funny way of showing her concern.

[Outside the door, Kei angrily wipes a hand across her eyes and storms
off.]

Yuri: [snapping] Are you always like this?

Damien: Nah, most times I don't have big holes in my stomach.

Yuri: Just the one in your head, right?

Damien: You bet.  It's much easier not to care that way.

Yuri: You're unbelievably annoying.

Damien: [smiling] And that's one of my good points.  [Yuri starts to
leave] Wait!  [Yuri stops and looks over her shoulder] Uhhh...
[looking nervous and embarassed] You two can stay at my place tonight,
if you like.  It's closer than the spaceport.

Yuri: [coolly] Thanks.  [leaves]

Damien: [muttering] Well, I think I've antagonized them enough for one
day.  [puts his pillow over his head] I wonder if I'll suffocate?

[Yuri finds Kei in a lounge, who is angrily drinking a soda.]

Yuri: No alcohol?

Kei: Zip.  So how's the incredible ingrate?

Yuri: Fine.  [sits down next to her] He says we can stay at his place
tonight.

Kei: As long as he doesn't hold his gratitude back.  [sighing] Is it
my imagination, or are all handsome men pains in the neck?

Yuri: They certainly do their best, don't they?  [pause] So what do
you think his problem is?

Kei: Whaddaya mean?

Yuri: Well, it's like sometimes he's a nice person, then all of the
sudden he's a reak jerk.  Like he's doing it deliberately.

Kei: [eyeing Yuri critically] You're not psychoanalyzing him are you?
You know I hated it when you did it back in school.  Especially when
it was MY dates you were analyzing.

Yuri: Well, SOMEbody had to tell you what asses you were dating.

Kei: Maybe, but did it ALWAYS have to be you?

Yuri: Yeah, well it never seemed to slow you down much, did it?

Kei: I like to find things out for myself.  [sips] So.

Yuri: So what?

Kei: So what are your results?

Yuri: [innocently] I thought you didn't like it when I psychoanalyze
men.

Kei: [snapping] I don't!  But you've got my interest piqued.  So tell
me.

Yuri: If you insist.  I think he's afraid.

Kei: Afraid?  Of what?

Yuri: You know, relationships.

Kei: How's that different from any other man?

Yuri: This is different.  I mean, well...  His parents died violently,
for one thing.  Probably lots of other people he knew.  While he was a
mercenary.

Kei: I didn't know he was a mercenary.

Yuri: I did.  Anyway, my guess is he doesn't want to get close to
anyone again, because he's afraid they'll die and leave him alone
again.

Kei: [nodding] Y'know, that almost makes sense.  Kinda fits in with
what he told me about not having a girlfriend.

Yuri: He didn't tell me.

Kei: He told me.  He says he has a hard time relating to people.  Or
they have a hard time relating to him.  Something like that.  But
yeah, I guess having your family go up in smoke tends to make you a
bit cynical about life.

Yuri: Y'know, I hate being attracted to men I can't stand.

Kei: Me too.  [pause] So how come you got a massage and I didn't?

Yuri: Huh?!

Kei: I said-

Yuri: I heard, I heard.  Probably because you didn't get whacked on
the back by a mech.  Why, are you complaining?

Kei: Not really.

Yuri: Sounding a bit competitive about all this, aren't you?

Kei: Whassamatter, `fraid of a rival?

Yuri: No, you just have this obnoxious tendency to swoop down on guys
like a hawk before I even have a chance.

Kei: The early bird catches the worm.  Besides, I think he likes you
more.

Yuri: Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you.

[The Pair stare at each other for a moment, then throw up their hands
in disgust.]

Kei & Yuri: Men!

[Back in his room, Damien has decided to put the pillow back under his
head.  He stares with unfocused eyes out the window.  A gradual fade
to a series of flashbacks of him and Boss begins.  It starts when Boss
is his commanding officer and goes backwards in time.  A melange of
images of activities they've done together - performing missions,
training, playing games - goes by.  As the flashback goes into
Damien's childhood, it becomes clear that Boss was a sort of surrogate
father to Damien.  The last scene before fading back to the present is
of the boy Damien and Boss laughing.]

Damien: [with a gravelly voice] The dead walk the earth.  [laughs
bitterly until he starts coughing] Whoever said laughter is the best
medicine obviously was never shot in the gut.

[Cut to the terrorist's office.  Boss is standing up and looking out
the window, his reflection showing in the glass.  His helper is
standing behind him, looking puzzled while talking to Boss.]

Helper: I don't get it, Boss.  Why'd you spare him?

Boss: Because, Robinson {At last!  A name!}, I don't want him dead
yet.

Robinson: But back in the bar-

Boss: I changed my mind.  As long as Damien is alive, he will continue
to report his progress, allowing us to gauge his progress.  If he's
dead, on the other hand, then those 3WA agents will almost certainly
be given free rein and WON'T have to report their progress.

Robinson: Meaning we'd have no way of gauging how far they've gone.

Boss: Or how close they're getting.  [sighs] Those two are living up
to their rep.  I don't want Damien killed.  At least not until AFTER
the Dirty Pair is dealt with.

Robinson: [pause] Um, Boss?  I was wondering...do you actually know
that guy, Damien?  He, uh, seemed to recognize you back there.

Boss: [after a pause] Yes.  Yes I do.  I used to be his unofficial
guardian for about ten years.  Which is another reason I don't want to
kill him.  I'd hate to think I wasted my time all those years.  Now,
if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone for the moment.

Robinson: Oh.  OK, Boss.  [leaves]

Boss: [puts a hand on the window, leans against his arm, stares at the
city lights] I'm sorry, Damien.  I wish it hadn't come to this.

[Cut to outside of Boss' office, where Robinson is talking with a
woman.]

Woman: So how is he?

Robinson: Distracted.  I still think this Damien guy should be iced,
but the Boss doesn't want us to yet.  I think he's too attached to
him.  He used to be his guardian.

Woman: Really?  Talk about amazing coincidences.  But orders are
orders.

Robinson: Yeah.  But the Boss' ties could be a problem.  He might not
want to give the order to have him killed when the time comes.

Woman: [smiling slyly] Of course, an accident could happen.

Robinson: [smiling thinly] And that was a pretty nasty shot he took.
Who knows?  Maybe he'll die anyway.

[Cut back to Damien's room.  The doctor returns.  She looks around the
room and nods, satisfied.]

Doctor: I thought your girlfriends would never leave.

Damien: My-?  Oh.  Them.

Doctor: [checking the equipment Damien is hooked up to] Yeah, they've
been here since they brought you in.  Started to think they'd moved in
or something.  Kept bugging me about your condition.  I was
half-tempted to let you die just to get them off my back, but they'd
probably kill me if did.  They were pretty distraught, actually.

Damien: I...see.  [pause] Say, what time is it?

Doctor: [checking his stomach] About nine.

Damien: Nine?  Shouldn't the sun be out?  [winces] OW!  Damn, I bet
you live for that.

Doctor: One of this job's little perks.  It's nine PM, not AM.

Damien: [confused] Huh?  But that means-

Doctor: You've been here for about twenty hours.  Hey, you're right, a
decimeter lower would've been a disaster.

Damien: [incredulous] You mean those two were here all that time?
Without sleeping or...or anything?

Doctor: Well, they were here when they brought you in and I operated
on you, they were here when I went home last night, and they were
STILL here when I came back.  What are they to you, anyway?  If you
don't mind me asking.

Damien: [dubious, unsure himself] They're...just co-workers.

Doctor: Really?  Back home we'd call them friends.  [replaces the
bedsheets] Well, you'll heal.  I'll probably be seeing you later.

Damien: [distracted] Probably.

[The doctor leaves.  Damien is lost in thought, staring out the window
and his reflection.]

Damien: Twenty hours...

[Glancing around the room, he notices the bundle of his equipment
sitting a chair next to his bed.]

Damien: They even brought me my stuff...

Doctor's voice: [echoing in his mind] Back home we'd call them
friends.

Damien: Computer.  Lights off.

[The lights turn off.  Damien's silhouette is outlined against the
moonlight from the window, his hands tucked thoughtfully under his
neck.  Cut to Damien's apartment reveals Yuri in bed in the same
position Damien is, while Kei is eating cheesecake in the kitchen.]

[The next morning.  Damien is in bed watching TV when Plug comes into
his room, carrying a metal case.]

Plug: [cheerfully] Hey Boss, what's up?

Damien: [turning down the TV] Not me, that's for sure.  Whatchya got?

Plug: [opens the case] Brought you some goodies.  [removes some small
discs and a remote control] Voila!

Damien: Is that what I think it is?

Plug: Yep.  The discs are the hyperpulse emitters.  [holding up the
control] This sets them off.  Put the discs in place, squeeze `em like
this to activate `em, hit the button on the control, and ZAP!  [hands
them to Damien] I even coded it to your fingerprints, so no one else
can use it.

Damien: Great!  Thanks a lot, Plug.

Plug: No sweat.  [looking around, smiling